Saturday, May 05, 2012

You must be THIS Irish to watch this movie

That's the trouble with these headlines.  How am I supposed to put a sign with a hand on it signifying height?  Or do like the Simpsons and have a picture of Disco Stu or something?  Alas, no such luck.  Anyway, here's my review of... can't even remember the title.  Oh, right.  Maybe I should change the headline to "Not THAT Eclipse"?  By which, of course, I'm referring to 1995's Total Eclipse, a now Cinemax mainstay about two authors: one teenage, the other older, I'm assuming.  No, instead we get 2009's The Eclipse about a love triangle on the brink of old age between Aidan Quinn, filling in for Jason Priestly; Iben Hjejle, Copenhagen's answer to Mary Stuart Masterson, and Ciaran Hinds, a man whom one of my viewing companions thought looked a bit like Mel Gibson, at least around the eyes... in a good way, believe it or not!  I think...
Anyway, Ciaran is involved in the little details that go into putting on a successful book festival.  I know, what a quaint notion these days.  Iben is breezing into town for her new book called... wait for it... THE ECLIPSE!  It's about ghosts.  At about the same time, Ciaran starts seeing ghosts.  To make matters worse, he forgets to take his wheelchair-bound father in-law to one of his fancy festivals.  This has to happen, otherwise what comes next in the plot just wouldn't be the same.  At about the same time, Aidan Quinn also waltzes into this small Irish town (I believe it's called Cobh) to promote his book.  One of my viewing companions got a Norman Mailer vibe out of Aidan's performance.  Pining for a lost literary era, clearly.  The closest person I can think of who espouses blatant masculinity on the printed page is either Denis Leary or "The Situation."  Everyone else is too busy documenting the disaster that was the Dubya presidency.
What's a girl to do?  Really, aren't all relationships like this in this crazy world?  A girl has to choose between the successful drunk, or the bit of damaged goods who's seeing ghosts on top of everything else.  Well, I hate to spoil it, but Iben gets the best of both worlds, or worst, depending on your view.  She toys with the idea of rekindling the flame with Aidan, but bestows some affectionate kisses on Ciaran as well... dude!  He's old enough to be your father, for Gawd'z zake!  But, they both have kids, so what the hell. 
Also, there's some ghost attacks, and recursive dreams.  I was genuinely spooked by one episode, if only because the rest of the film was kinda boring.  Therefore, I should give credit for the lack of headache-inducing Michael Bay-style editing.
You ever see the end credits of 1985's Red Sonja?  Man, I didn't feel Italian enough to watch them!  Similarly, I didn't feel Irish enough to watch The Eclipse, but the proper authorities weren't here to prevent it.  Looks kinda like where I'm living now: a lush, green, rain-soaked bit of heaven.  Keep working on your solar power program, guys!  Be like Germany!

-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

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