Sunday, June 24, 2012

A Canticle for Noomi Rapace

Well, I got to see Prometheus!  Pretty cool.  I don't usually get a day out to the movie theatre these days... and at the exorbitant entrance fee, I probably should've kept the 3D glasses.  Good Lourdes!  Well, out of respect to the movie, I'll try to avoid any touchy plot secrets the filmmakers wanted to try and keep.  There's one secret they can't keep, however: it's a darn fine film.  And, it seems to be doing rather well at the box office for an R-rated sci-fi!  Don't fear the R rating, all you uptight moral types.  It just means people get to act like people on that ol' silver screen.
Now, I've heard that Ridley Scott didn't set out to make an Alien 1 prequel.  Shyeah, right.  I believe you!  Actually, he was referring just to the film's title sequence.  Arguably, he's right, as the title sequence in Alien takes place in space.  During the title sequence for Prometheus, we see a DNA strand coming apart, and cells multiplying.  Ick!  Personally, I think that, with all the expensive special effects involved in films these days, who's got time to care what the critics think?
That being said, I couldn't help but remember some complaints about the philosophical discussions in the film that I read before going in.  When I saw Walter Hill's name in the credits, God bless him, I couldn't help but think that they're right.  I mean, after The Warriors and his other action-oriented pictures, who's got time for deep philosophy?  Spoiler alert: an epic battle between religion and Darwin rages in the movie.  Just before the expedition heads off to space, Darwin is declared dead because of the possibility of meeting an alien species.  To be fair, Darwin didn't get the chance to dissect any alien corpses.  In his time, of course, the giant turtles of the Galapagos Islands must've seemed pretty weird.  And I guess Darwin's still too controversial a figure to star in a movie these days called Charles Darwin: Zombie Killer.  Besides, does that mean Darwin's a zombie himself?  Or just a killer of the already zombi-fied?  So many questions.
I also had some problems with the science of the movie itself.  Okay, not that many.  Spoiler alert: there seems to be two separate alien races that the movie deals with.  Isn't that enough for you people?  So spoiled.  The scientists in the movie run DNA tests... let me just put it this way.  I had a little problem with the results of these DNA tests.  I mean, O.J. clearly... sorry, wrong test.  Let me further put it this way: at least the 2001 movie Evolution had an answer ready when it came to the DNA question, in addition to having David Duchovny showing his ass.  Somehow, the Prometheus DNA didn't satisfy me.
At this point, I should probably get to the alien "abortion" scene.  Sorry, Spoiler Alert.  I'm with the Right Wing on this one!  How dare they.  There's a scene where one of the characters gets infected.  Actually, two characters get infected with an alien.  This species of alien kills human men, but has more devious plans in mind for human women.  The alien invades Dr. Shaw's fetus and develops much faster than nine months, if you get my drift.  Dr. Shaw tricks the auto-doc into performing an emergency Caesarian.  Health of the mother, my ass.  Right, McCain?  I forced myself to look at the scar that the machine makes.  After looking at Ray Liotta's exposed brain in Ridley Scott's Hannibal, I figured that this couldn't be too much worse.  And as much as I hate to say it, CGI effects have a bit of a ways to go to make a convincing Caesarian scar.  Either that, or they should've sprung for the extra couple of million to make it look just a tad more convincing, but that's just me.  I'm picky about my grody special effects at times.  Anyway, while the mainstream Crazy Right Wing chooses to stay silent about this, I'm going to take a stand and say that there's no excuse for aborting your alien fetus.  If it's God's will that an alien invades a human mother's fetus, then so be it, even if it means the mother gets eaten alive by a giant alien squid.  Sorry... Spoiler Alert.  If it means I'll have to debate someone from the Galactic branch of Planned Parenthood, so be it as well.
What else?  Well, I hate to spoil any more of the film than I have to, but I just want to commend the croissant-shaped spaceship design.  It's great for crash landings!  You don't know how many more times it can fall down and smash you!  You'd think twice would be enough.  I just realized I didn't talk about the actors a whole lot.  I should mention Charlize Theron, but hasn't she done enough movies this year already?  I don't want to beat up on this too much.  I mean, give Ridley some credit.  The dude's almost 75, for God's sake!  According to the IMDb.  Let's see if anyone posts saying "HE'S NOT 75!!!"  Overall, a fine outing all around.  Even though it's probably three and a half stars, I'll give it four anyway.  As long as Ridley doesn't try to say that Untitled Blade Runner Project isn't related to Blade Runner...

-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

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