Friday, February 15, 2013
Box Office 2-17-'13
Dante: (to Randal) Alas, I am not taking to married life like I thought I would.
Randal: No more going to that Burlesque house down da street, or the bordello at the other end of da street, I take it?
Dante: Don't be silly! My wife will not dictate where I can and can't go! No, it's just that the shackles of marriage seem to quell the fire of the physical act of love that existed before we got married. A fire hot enough for heating several cattle-branding irons. And on top of that, no pun intended, my new bride keeps insisting I make love to her in her rectum. The very idea! (you might want to skip this part... ) I mean, that's where excrement comes from, for God's sake! I mean, God forbid something should go awry and the baby ends up gestating in my wife's rectum for nine months! I highly suspect a fragile baby will not be able to dodge passing turds for even a fraction of that time!
Randal: See, that's the problem with you all over, Dante. You don't take risks. You're not willing to do da job a man is willing to do. Perhaps I can help you with your wife's fornication problem...
Dante: Thou filthy-minded brigand! And the ultimate ironical tautology of it all is that I wasn't even supposed to be here today! I CURSE the Gods of sky and desert!!!
And to think the MPAA wants to deny that Mamet-worthy gem the PG-13. Better call upon the Weinsteins again, Kev!
...where was I? Oh, right. Four debuts this week, Die Hard barely gets #1 spot. Gotta run!