When You're Attacked By a Group of Clowns, Go For the Juggler

Brought to you by Hexagon Mesh.  Hexagon Mesh!  Part of the New Ubiquitous... how did that happen?  I got one on my car doors, and I saw one covering the engine of a riding lawnmower.  Accept no substitutes!  Sometimes it's a Circle Mesh with the circles pushed together LIKE hexagons... no.  No substitutes.  Also brought to you by Flatulent Motorcycle.  Flatulent Motorcycle!  Because the older I get, the more it just sounds like a long, neverending fart as the motorcycle heads for the sunset.  A bad-ass fart, of course, there's no denying that, but a fart nonetheless.  Anyway, on to the only news worth looking at: the weekend Box Office.  Whelp, once again, that old obscure 18th century author Stephen King makes another big splash: the kind where there's only one debut for the weekend that CRUSHES it.  COMPLETELY CRUSHES it.  When will King ever be recognized for the genius that he is?  A former college professor, he started writing short stories for... um, let's call them "gentlemen's" magazines.  From there somehow, it was exponential steps up from there in terms of paydays.  One of those American stories we all know and love.  Not the kind that King himself tells, but whatever. 
But what is this Magnum Opus called?  I know it's got the word "Chapter" in the title.  Hollywood's not completely proud of the word "Sequel," even though they do kinda like the concept.  Sequel, reboot... how many times can Batman's story be redone?  Why is this troubled billionaire's life so interesting?  Anyway, back to the task at hand.  Stephen King movie, #1, 90 million dollar opening, domestic (USD).  I mean, was it called ...Identity Crisis: Chapter 4 - Sign Abuse?  No?  Well, how about 100 Crushes Chapter 6: They?  Maybe 180: Chapter 2?  Perhaps 28 Days Later: The Aftermath (Chapter 1)?  28 Days Later: The Aftermath (Chapter 3) - Decimation?  3 Chapters?  4 Chapters of Unspeakable?  476 A.D. Chapter One: The Last Light of Aries?  476 A.D. Chapter Two: The Dawning of the Age of Pisces?  9 Lives: Chapter One?  A Book with Chapters in It?  A Bookstore in Six Chapters?  A Catch in Time: Chapter One?  A Chapter in Her Life?  A Chapter of Accidents?  A Chapter of Men?  A Cruel Chapter?  A Cruel Chapter Disk 2?  A Dream Undone: Chapter 47?  A Few Tales of Hard Times: Chapter 4 - The Name?  A New Chapter?  A New Chapter: The Story of 'The Force Unleashed'?  All Alone on New Year's Eve: The Final Chapter?  All Hallows Eve: Chapter 1 the 11th Hour?  An Unwritten Chapter?  "Century of Cinema" And the Show Goes On: Indian Chapter?  Angel III: The Final Chapter?  Anino't panaginip: The Hidden Chapters of Imortal?  Armik & Steven: Chapter One?  Armik & Steven: Chapter Two?  Armored Trooper VOTOMS: Phantom Chapter?  Assassin Chapter 2?  Asylum of Secrets: Chapter 1?  Atelophobia: Chapter 2?  Atelophobia: Chapter 3?  ATO Chapter 01?  ATP Chapter 1: One Day?  ATP Chapter 2?  Aussie Park Boyz: The Next Chapter?  Baba's Next Chapter?  Backstreet Boys: Video Hits - Chapter One?  Badder Ben: The Final Chapter?  Banned! In America V: The Final Chapter?  Banshee Chapter?  Bare Wench: The Final Chapter?  Baron Wasteland: Chapter 2 - Lemur See, Lemur Due?  Beyond the Six: Chapter 1?  Brand Upon the Brain! A Remembrance in 12 Chapters?  Brick & Portal Weekend: NYC Chapter?  Brigands-Chapter VII?  Certain Chapters?  Certain Peace Chapter III?  Chapter & Verse?  Chapter 1?  Chapter 1: Charlie?  Chapter 1: Cold Turkey?  Chapter 1: Life?  Chapter 1: The Whiteman Scenario?  Chapter 18?  Chapter 2?  Chapter 2?  Chapter 2?  Chapter 2: How to Breathe?  Chapter 2: How to Breathe?  Chapter 21?  Chapter 21?  Chapter 23: The Big Goodbye?  Chapter 27?  Chapter 32?  Chapter 5?  Chapter 7?  Chapter 9?  Chapter and Verse?  Chapter and Verse?  Chapter Five?  Chapter I: Encounter?  Chapter II: First Date?  Chapter III?  Chapter III: Nightmare?  Chapter One?  Chapter One?  chapter one?  Chapter One: Alone?  Chapter One: Book Club?  Chapter One: Martín de Landeche?  Chapter One: Mr Kato?  Chapter One: The Crustacheous Period?  Chapter One: The Date?  Chapter One: The Dead Rose?  Chapter One: The Kiteboard Legacy Begins?  Chapter Perfect?  Chapter Six?  Chapter Twenty One?  Chapter Two?  Chapter Two?  Chapter X?  Chapter XIV: The Duel?  Chapter Zero?  Chapter Zero?  Chapter: LOVE?  Chapters?  Chapters?  Chapters?  Chapters?  Chapters?  Chapters?  Chapters?  Chapters of Enchantment?  Chapters of Food: Mole?  Chapters of Food: The Reuben?  Chapters of Hope & Healing?  Chapters of Horror?  Chapters: Hawk Week Welcome?  Chasing 600: Chapter 1?  Chasing 600: Chapter 2?  Chasing 600: Chapter 3?  Chasing 600: Chapter 4?  Chasing 600: Chapter 5?  Chasing 600: Chapter 6?  Chasing 600: Chapter 7?  Climbing Up the Stairs: The Chapters?  Cobwebs: Chapter Three?  Col Briscoe Adventurer, Chapter 9 the Giant Lizards of Connine Island?  Corn on Macabre: The Final Chapter?  Cosas de Otakus Zero: Final Chapter?  Dahlias: An Anthology in Four Chapters?  Dangerous Men: First Chapter?  Death of the Killer Bikini Vampire Girls: The Final Chapter?  Delilah Of the Desert - Chapter One?  Diary of a Hitman: Chapter 1?  Diary of a Hitman: Chapter 2?  Dog Years: Chapter Two - Health?  Dreamfall Chapters?  Elementary: Season 2 - Second Chapter: Inside Elementary?  Elvis: The Final Chapter?  Endgame: Chapter One?  Evil Tales 3: The Final Chapter?  Explode, Chapter One: Poltergeist?  Explode, Chapter Three: Power Struggle?  Explode, Chapter Two: Into the Fold?  Facade: Chapter 4?  Fallout Chronicles: Chapter 2?  Fallout Chronicles: Chapter 3?  Fallout Chronicles: Chapter 4?  Fallout Chronicles: Chapter 5?  Fallout: Equestria. Chapter 20.5?  Family Issues: Chapter 1?  Final Chapter?  Final Chapter?  Final Chapter: 50 Shades of Misery?  Final Chapter: Draculaudit?  Final Chapter: Exorcizing Barney?  Final Chapter: Random Acts of Purgeness?  Final Chapter: SJZ?  Final Chapter: Texas Chainsaw Mess Occurred?  Final Chapter: Walking Tall?  Flutter Green: The Final Chapter. Part 1: Beginning of the End?  Food Systems, Chapter 1: A Night Out?  Food Systems, Chapter 2: Dinner on the Farm?  Four Chapters?  Four Crows-Chapter Two?  Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter?  From Book to Script: Forging the Final Chapter?  Gall Force: Earth Chapter?  Garden Variety Spider: Chapter One?  Garriage: A Documentary in 4 Chapters and an Epilogue?  Genre Studies by Drew G. Smith: Chapters 1-6?  Girl in the City?  Go Get Some Chapter 2: A Prequel?  Go Get Some, Chapter 3: Earlier That Morning?  GoodBye Misty Love: Chapter Two?  Greek Chapter 4: At World's End?  Gregory and Indian 2 Chapter 1?  Gregory and Indian 2 Chapter 2?  Gregory and Indian Chapter 1?  Gregory and Indian Chapter 2?  Growing Up Tiny: Kenadie's Next Chapter?  Guns of Purgatory: Chapter 1?  Haebangchon: Chapter 1?  Halloween 2: The Final Chapter?  Halloween Chapter I?  Harper & Kai in Five Parallels Chapter One: Demon Date?  Hear'Say: A New Chapter in Full?  Her Final Fury: Betty Broderick, the Last Chapter?  Honor Takes Center Stage: Chapter 1?  Honor Takes Center Stage: Chapter 2?  ICE: Chapter 1?  Insidious: Chapter 2?  Insidious: Chapter 3?  Insidious: Chapter 3: Promo?  It Chapter Two?  It's Your World: Chapter One?  Jai Singh Are Baap Re: Chapter 1?  Jason's Unlucky Day: 25 Years After Friday the 13th - The Final Chapter?  Joe DiMaggio: The Final Chapter?  John Wick Chapter 2: Wick-vizzed?  John Wick: Chapter 2?  Josh Kirby... Time Warrior: Chapter 1, Planet of the Dino-Knights?  Josh Kirby... Time Warrior: Chapter 2, the Human Pets?  Josh Kirby... Time Warrior: Chapter 3, Trapped on Toyworld?  Josh Kirby... Time Warrior: Chapter 4, Eggs from 70 Million B.C.?  Josh Kirby... Time Warrior: Chapter 5, Journey to the Magic Cavern?  Josh Kirby... Time Warrior: Chapter 6, Last Battle for the Universe?  Joyriders. Chapter 1?  Justifying Existence: Chapter 2?  Kaizen: Chapter One?  Katie & Peter: The Next Chapter Stateside?  Keep It Moving: Chapter 2?  Kemo for Emo - Chapter 3: No Tell?  Kemo for Emo: Chapter 4 - Hold My Hand?  Kemo for Emo: Chapters 1 & 2 The Cause/The Straightline?  Kent Masters: Secret Agent. Chapter 12: Apples & Acid?  Kerry Katona: The Next Chapter?  Kickstart 4: Final Chapter?  Kingdom Hearts HD 2.8 Final Chapter Prologue?  Kitakyushu Stories Chapter One: Kimi the Star?  Kitakyushu Stories Chapter Three: Invisible and Silent?  KOPP Chapter 1?  KOPP Chapter 2?  KOPP Chapter 3?  Krono: First Kiss - Chapter Two?  Lake Placid: The Final Chapter?  Last Chapter?  Legacy Begins: Chapter One?  Life in Chapters?  Living as Struggle: Story of a Homesteader in Ten Chapters?  Living with Lucille in 3 Chapters?  Loose Cannons: Chapter 12?  Lost: Final Chapter?  Love in Three Chapters?  Man Man: Chapter One?  Medium: Chapter One?  Mermaid Girl: A New Chapter?  Midnight at the Celestial Palace: Chapter I?  Mishima: A Life in Four Chapters?  Moffatts: Closing of Chapter One?  Moises Padilla Story: The Missing Chapter?  Monster Factory Pro Wrestling: A New Chapter Begins?  Monster Pool: Chapter Two?  Muck: Chapter 1?  Murder Springs: Chapter One?  My Apocalypse: Chapter 1 - Memories?  My Apocalypse: Chapter 2 - Easy Way Out?  My Chapter and Verse?  Mystery of the Bat Man! Chapter 1 - The Case of the Chemical Syndicate?  Nana to Kaoru: Chapter 2?  Navigators of the Shadow Ring: Chapter 1?  Alive?  NeverMore Chapter 2: Revelations?  New Chapter?  New Chapter Musical?  New Chapters?  Niru: Chapter 0?  No Asylum: The Untold Chapter of Anne Frank's Story?  No Fear Chapter Three?  No Fear: Chapter One?  Noel Gallagher's High Flying Birds - If Love Is the Law (Chapter Five from Stranded On The Earth)?  Norse Noir: Loki's Exile, Chapter I?  Nostalgia: Chapter 2?  NYChapters?  Oculus: Chapter 3 - The Man with the Plan?  On Any Sunday: The Next Chapter?  Oprah's Next Chapter?  Ortiz vs. Shamrock 3: The Final Chapter?  Palehorse: Chapter III?  Palehorse: Chapter IV?  Patient Zero Chapter 1: The Messenger?  Patient Zero Chapter 2: The Fugitive?  Peeping Harry: Monomania in Four Chapters?  Perspective Chapter 2: The Misdemeanor?  Perspective: Chapter 1; the Party?  Peter Andre: The Next Chapter?  Petrichor Chapter 1 Angst?  Polly Dog: The Final Chapter?  Poor Billy - Chapter One, Billy's Parents?  Progress.Wrestling Chapter.64?  Project Icarus: Chapter 1?  Project Icarus: Chapter 2?  Pryzm, Chapter 1: The Dark Unicorn?  Rapunzel: The Final Chapter?  Reaper: Chapter One?  Reaper: Chapter Two?  Recognition: Chapter 2?  Red Chapters: Turning Points in the History of Communism?  Remothered: Broken Porcelain?  Remothered: Chapter 3?  Resident Evil the Final Chapter: Explore the Hive?  Resident Evil the Final Chapter: Stunts and Weaponry?  Resident Evil: The Final Chapter?  Retard Squad: The First Chapter?  Revelation: Chapter 23?  Revenge: The First Chapter?  Reversion: Chapter 1, the Escape?  Reversion: Chapter 2, the Meeting?  Rich and Scary: The Final Chapter?  Rip and Burn: Chapter 1?  Roman Chapter 36?  Romantic Chapter?  Saint Seiya: The Hades Chapter?  Saw 3D: The Final Chapter?  Scary Tales and Nursery Crimes: Chapter 1?  "Ashish Chanchlani Vines" Science Vs Commerce - Chapter 1?  Secret Santa: Chapter One?  Shay Mitchell: Chapters?  Silence de septembre (Chapter II)?  Sinners: Chapter I - Druj?  Sinners: Chapter II - Chana?  Skinford: Chapter Two?  Slender Beard: Chapter 2?  Slender Man 3: Pandemonium. Chapter 1?  Slender Man 3: Pandemonium. Chapter 2. End of Story?  Slender's Park Chapter II?  Small Town Z: The Next Chapter?  Soho Cigarettes: Introduction and Chapter 1?  Somewhere in Chapter 7?  Sonia: Chapter 1?  SOS: Secrets of Sex Chapter 3?  Star Wars Pathways: Chapter I - Path of Betrayal?  Star Wars Pathways: Chapter II - Path of Deceit?  State of Liberty - Chapter One: Looking for America?  Streets of Philly Undercover: Chapter 1?  Strong Brain: The Second Chapter?  Super Green Duo: Chapter 1 - Day at the Park?  Syndacite Chapter 2?  Tales of Monkey Island: Chapter 1 - Launch of the Screaming Narwhal?  Tales of Monkey Island: Chapter 2 - The Siege of Spinner Cay?  Tales of Monkey Island: Chapter 3 - Lair of the Leviathan?  Tales of Monkey Island: Chapter 4 - The Trial and Execution of Guybrush Threepwood?  Tales of Monkey Island: Chapter 5 - Rise of the Pirate God?  Ted Bundy Had a Son 3: The Final Chapter?  Tenjho Tenge: The Past Chapter?  The Adventures of Jurassic Pet?  The Adventures of Supernigger: Episode I - The Final Chapter?  The Alumni Chapter?  The Autobiography of Tom Stern, Chapter Six: The New Science?  The Bachelor Chapters?  The Bench: Chapter Five - Rose and Percy?  The Bench: Chapter Four - Juliana and William?  The Bench: Chapter One - Abraham and Kennedy?  The Bench: Chapter Seven - Grace and Mary?  The Bench: Chapter Three - Fred and Eric?  The Bench: Chapter Two - Betty and Paul?  The Bird Chapters: #1 Monday Mundane?  The Closing Chapter?  The Crawlspace Chapter II: The Succubus?  The Creep City Movie: Chapter 4?  The Cupid 3: The Final Chapter?  The Dark Agent and the Passing of the Torch Chapter 7?  The Eagle Radar: A New Chapter in Air Power?  The Eight Chapters of Ramen?  The Exorcist: Legion VR, Chapter 1 First Rites?  The Exorcist: Legion VR, Chapter 2 Idle Hands?  The Final Chapter?  The Final Chapter?  The Final Chapter?  The Final Chapter: The Death of Xander Cage?  The Forbidden Chapter?  The Glitch: Chapter Two?  The Grimoire Chapters?  The Hangmen: Chapter 1?  The Hangmen: Chapter 2?  The Hidden Chapter?  The Hunt: Chapter 5?  The Jester: Chapter 2?  The Journey Down: Chapter Three?  The Last Chapter?  The Last Chapter?  The Last Chapter?  The Last Chapter?  The Last Chapter?  The Last Chapter?  The Last Chapter?  The Last Chapter?  The Last Chapter II: The War Continues?  The Last Chapter: The Saga of One Thousand Years of Jewish Life in Poland?  The Lost Chapters?  The Militia: Chapter 1?  The Missing Chapter?  The NeverEnding Story II: The Next Chapter?  The New Chapter?  The Next Chapter?  The Next Chapter: Cast and Characters of 'Allegiant'?  The Pick-Axe Murders Part III: The Final Chapter?  The PoseidonGodofWater20 Show: The Second Chapter?  The Protege' Project: Chapter 1?  The Razah Code Underground Hip-Hop Chapter 1?  The Selected Chapter 1: Accused?  The South Side Chapter?  The Story Beyond the Still, Chapter 4: Allison?  The Story of Peter Pendragon: Knight Out - Chapter One?  The Thing in the Apartment: Chapter II?  The Week - A Remix in Seven Chapters?  The Witch of Portobello: Nabil Chapter by Paulo Coelho?  The Witch of Portobello: The Peter Sherney Chapter?  The Woman: Chapter One - Ice Cream, Run?  Titanic: The Final Chapter?  Todd McFarlane: Chapter & Verse?  Torlo: Chapter 1?  Trapped in the Closet: Chapters 1-12?  Trapped in the Closet: Chapters 13-22?  Trapped in the Closet: Chapters 23-33?  Two Chapters of Glory?  Tycho: Closing the Chapter on Awake?  Uncle Drew: Chapter 3?  UNITY: Hip Hop's Next Chapter?  Untitled Chapters?  Usain Bolt: The Final Chapter?  Valbrook: The Secret of the South Chapter 2?  Valbrook: The Secret of the South Chapter One?  Vanya: Chapter 2?  Verlaine: Chapter 1?  Voices Within, Chapter 2: The Scarecrow Effect?  Voodoo Bayou Second Chapter?  Wanna Watch a Television Series? Chapter One: Variations on a Theme?  Wanna Watch a Television Series? Chapter Two: Fish out of Water?  War Child - Chapter One?  Wasted Lives: Chapter II?  Wolverine: Lost Chapters?  Wrong Cops: Chapter 1?  Wu-Tang Clan: Disciples of the 36 Chambers, Chapter 2?  Yeshurun in 6 Chapters?  Zac: Chapter 2? 


...nothing?  Not even close?  Well, BACK TO THE WOODS THEN!  I MEAN, BACK TO THE OLD DRAWING BOARD THEN!!!  Oops; sorry about the shouting, Ma.  In other news, things are sunny again for Shia LaBeouf.  For a second there, I thought it was another darn Christian film, but with Shia involved it can't be, right?  Just can't be.  No, after his little hiccup... or hiccups plural, after that film someone made of him at the stop light, he's finally caved in and is ready to take on those dreaded "Dad" roles.  Hey, dude, take a cue from Seth Rogen, all right?  Or even the ultimate dad: Clark Gable in Gone With The Wind!  Now, I know we can't make fun of it, but this is the kind of title that, say, Monty Python would like to riff on.  I mean, it's a bit of food, followed by a bird.  Kinda lends itself too easily to a guessing game... I mean, is it The Hot Dog Pigeon?  The Blancmonge Albatross?  The Tilapia Hamerkop?  The Omelette Osprey?  The White Castle Jalapeño Slider with Cheese Black-Bellied Storm Petrel?  The Split-Pea Soup Congo Peafowl?  The Antipasto Macaroni Penguin?  The Salmon-Crested Argus?  Need I go on?  I should've stopped about ten ago?  Geez Louise, but I must be hungry.  Life goes on, and so, so must I.  But what is that title?  It got some kind of audience award... I mean, was it Coffee Lane: A Peanuts Tribute?  Maybe Confessions of a Teenage Peanut Butter Freak?  Possibly Did You Have Some of My Peanut Butter??  Well, how about Die Peanuts?  FanDuel: Peanuts?  Five Salted Peanuts?  Found a Peanut?  How to Make a Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich?  MTV on Demand's CJ & Peanut?  No Comment from the Peanut Gallery?  Nose Hair & Peanuts?  Peanut?  Peanut?  Peanut?  Peanut?  Peanut and Bang?  Peanut Battle?  Peanut Butter?  Peanut Butter?  Peanut Butter?  Peanut Butter?  Peanut Butter?  Peanut Butter?  Peanut Butter & Jelly?  Peanut Butter and Bananas and Elvis?  Peanut Butter and Jelly?  Peanut Butter and Jelly 101?  Peanut Butter and Jellyfish?  Peanut Butter Girl?  Peanut Butter Jelly Time?  Peanut Butter Lips?  Peanut Butter Mountain?  Peanut Butter Soup?  Peanut Buttercups II?  Peanut Gallery Confidential?  Peanut Gallery Review?  Peanut Hunt?  Peanut Rain?  Peanutbutter Cup?  PeanutButterGamer?  Peanuts - Die Bank zahlt alles?  Peanuts - Die Jürgen Schneider-Story?  Peanuts?  Peanuts?  Peanuts?  Peanuts?  Peanuts and Bullets?  Peanuts and Politics?  Peanuts and Powder?  Peanuts for Brett?  Peanuts Motion Comics?  Peanuts One Dollar?  Peanuts One Dollar?  Peanuts to the Presidency?  Peanutz?  Pickle and Peanut?  Playing for Peanuts?  The Glorious Peanut?  The Monster and the Peanut?  The Oversharer: Hemorrhoids, STD's and Peanut Butter?  The Peanut Butter Experiment?  The Peanut Butter Solution?  The Peanut Butter Theory?  The Peanut Gallery?  The Peanut Gallery Presents: Bad Trip?  The Peanut Gallery Presents: Black Lake?  The Peanut Man?  The Peanut Seller?  The Peanut Vendor?  The Peanuts Movie?  The Peanuts Movie: Snoopy's Grand Adventure?  Walter Ate a Peanut?  Who Fucked The Peanut Butter?  Workin' for Peanuts?  Working for Peanuts?  Working for Peanuts?  Working for Peanuts? 

...no?  Not even close?  Well, BACK TO THE WOODS THEN!  I MEAN, BACK TO THE OLD DRAWING BOARD THEN!!!  Oops; sorry about the shouting, Ma.