Sunday, December 18, 2005

Holiday Movie Report

Dang! Has it been 10 days already? I was just about to say I was feeling lonely since there haven't even been any automatic posts lately. Then I saw I got one! However, it didn't even say I had a nice blog, so I won't hold it against them.
Anyway, with this image in mind (6 degrees of Peter Jackson) let's get right to the Holiday Movie Report, with a little help from our good friends over at Moviefone. Yes, AOL may have been dropped by TimeWarner but they still got Moviefone, dammit!
Now, there's a lot of movies to get to so we'll devote one sentence to each one. I should probably point out that I haven't seen any of them yet. Ne'theless let's dive right in those murky waters! Okay, first up: Master of the ... what? Universe? Where's this one's 25th Anniversary DVD, anyway? * It's not even on the IMDb for Pete's sake! Next we have Rent: Sorry, I'm already renting. Should've stuck with Harry Potter, Chris, and speaking of which .. HP4: HPGOF, actually looks good! I'd see it if I had time or money. Moving on: Family Stone, The: Not Sly enough. What to pick next? Memoirs of a Geisha: Spielberg himself was once attached to direct, but he found the right director for the project; it still ain't going anywhere, though, even if you show Crouching Tiger for free before-hand. Waddaya expect? We're a country of rubes! Okay, pride & Prejudice, same thing, although to appeal to the rubes they're showing sneak previews of POTC 2 & 3 at the ... beginning, not the end; there's some things even POTC fans won't sit through. Not even The Jacket! Meanwhile, in the middle of this tornado is The Producers. Well, it took a while for the first one to become a classic, too. Or am I thinking of the 12 Chairs? Hmmm. Chicken little: is that still out? Check out the wartime Disney short of the same name! Oh, you naughty Disney!! Chronicles of Narnia: yeah, more like Chronicles of Suck Nard-Nia! If that doesn't get me banned from Blogger for life, nothing will. King Kong: yeah, more like King LONG! Syriana: bet the Powers That Be are glad that King Kong is out. The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada: Los Knuckleheads! YM&O, make way for Cheaper 2!! Walk the Line; lemme just give a brief shout-out to James Mangold. Good on ya, buddy, you just might make it into the Auteur Club yet. Okay, moving on. Finding Home: if it's not the sequel to Finding Nemo, then Jimmy Crack Corn. ** Aeon Flux: It puts the 'L' in Flux, baby! Bad sign when even Just Friends is kicking your ass at the Box Office, cumulatively or not! Speaking of which, that brings us to Just Friends: I don't know, I think we should see other movies. Although I should point out that I'm as firm a believer in Van Wilder as an entity as anybody. And last but not least, Brokeback Mountain: it's the It Movie of the season, but no one's going to see it! Everyone and their uncle's got a joke about it, which is why I'm starting an Enter your own Punchline Contest, and First Prize goes to whomever tracks me down to collect.
Well, that's about it for me. I hope you're not as tuckered out as I am.

* We're close to the 20th Anniversary, not the 25th.
** I would've gone with Finding Nemo in Slumberland myself, but never mind. I'm not in charge of Titles.

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