Thursday, August 10, 2006

Boo creepy homeless Director Guy; Hooray Beer! or Wednesday Release? Who do you think you are, Spider Man 3?

Which brings us to this week's horse race at the box office. What the heck, I'm feeling frisky so let's start with #1, and of course it's the one who spent the most on advertising. It's Anchorman 2! Seriously, though, the full title is of course Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby. Brought to you by the Hollywood wing of the Southern Poverty Law Center, and the Red State Outreach program. On my beloved Daily Show tonight they had Dale Earnhardt Jr. And of course this film was the elephant in the room that they judiciously didn't mention. What can you say? The man just loves to drive. Meanwhile, Will Ferrell just may very well be the new Adam Sandler, but I don't know. Is Will capable of making a film that's as great as, say, Big Daddy? As the ranks of the new wave of mega-successful Alpha-male SNL alums swells, we'll just have to wait and see. But there is one goal that yet eludes them, and Will refers to it in the latest round of commercials, not so subliminally - and Bill Murray almost did it. Oscars. They want Oscars. Not just about the money anymore.
Debuting at #2, with a paltry 8th highest cumulative total overall, it's Barnyard: The Original Party Animals. What? Are all the movie titles like this now? The colon is making a major comeback in movie titles these days. Anyways, clearly the Pixar Renaissance is in decline. Only #2? The thrill is gone, people!
And at #3 it's ... ANOTHER COLON!!! Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest. Or.. oops, guess the number 2 is only implied, it's not actually in the title. And it's almost broken the 400 million dollar barrier. My God! This is Lord of the Rings 3 territory! Incidentally, how does Everard Proudfoot get top billing on that? Most expensive looking 94 million dollar movie ever made, my friends!
Miami Vice slides to #4 with only 10.2 million, making it 5th overall box-office wise. The prestige ads are running now: as good as anything Michael Mann's done, that kind of thing. And now, to add insult to injury, William Friedkin's going to remake To Live and Die in L.A. Or turn it into a TV show, whatever salts the wound the most.
Ironically, The Descent debuts squarely in the middle of the Top 10, which will at least put it on the local news, but hopefully its descent down to obscurity won't be so quick.
JTMD, baby! A fixed point in the list, as it's #6 on the list and #6 cumulative-wise, but I still want a copy of that poster, dammit!
Number 7 and 8, blah blah blah, see #2.
At #9, hanging on by fingernails and broken noses it's the only rhyming title in the bunch, You Me and Dupree. Yessir, still hanging in there, and by a crazy numerical fluke it's got the 2nd biggest cumulative total right there somewhere far behind Pirates 2. You did it, baby! All of you.
And finally at #10, it's Robin Williams' latest dramatic masterpiece, The Night Listener, a film with one of the craziest backstories ever, something even James Frey couldn't have imagined. I don't know what more Robin needs to achieve as an actor these days; he already made us laugh in R.V. this year (now available on DVD, PSP and BluRay... Damn! And I thought just owning it on DVD was enough these days. Goodbye, bank account.) Another Oscar? Is that it? Apparently, Best Supporting Actor just doesn't have a good ring to it. Much too wordy. Well, we'll see who gets Best Actor first, him or Kevin Kline. Just to rub it in, Robin's going to do his own version of Life as a House. Well, me myself, I don't know what the advertising budget was for The Final Cut, but that one just may be Robin's most immaculate, comedy-free dramatic performance yet (and starring with Jesus, no less!), but without all the notoriety of Insomnia or that other one... One Hour Photo, that's right. C'mon, Romanek! Let's get cracking on that sophomore feature. Well, if all our lives are indeed recorded, let's fast forward to Robin's next HBO Comedy special. C'mon, Robin! Tear Dubya a new one! Someone's got to.
And that's it for this week's box office report. Hey, I got to it a little quicker than last week, right? :)

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