Thursday, August 17, 2006

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Which can only mean one thing: the Box Office report! It's a big week... well, not really. Kinda depressing week, actually. Nothing debuting very prominently, and things disappearing very quickly. The descent descending from 5 to 8, John Tucker gone. Dupree gone. Monster House going. And to my close friend's chagrin, My Super Ex-Girlfriend long long gone. Vaporized like the ... Little Miss Sunshine, I don't know. The TV spots have better special effects than the movie itself.
Meanwhile, I haven't been able to get to the theater in a while, but on my TV it's been a weekend of Mighty Acorn movies that makes me ask myself, where's the red hot poker for my eye? Or a guy to shoot me in the kneecaps with an automatic weapon. At least no one's cutting off my ears and noses... sorry, no movie link to one that tasteless, Rummy... But moron that later.
Let's start at the top this time. As they say in the ads, the streaking continues. Help me Tom Cruise, it's Talladega Nights at #1 again. And the official Oscar campaign has begun in earnest, by running the ads where Will Ferrell... I mean, Ricky Bobby, talks trash to Ali G about some movie, I assume a racing picture, either Cannonball Run 2 or that thing with James Garner, that won the Oscar for Best Picture ever made. I don't suppose the Red States have taken to Ali G yet, but it's worth a shot, which I've heard they've almost taken at Borat one time. The Borat movie's probably just going to play on the coast.

Meanwhile, if I were a Hollywood insider I'd know more about the unique ad campaign behind the surprise success of Step Up, but I'm not so I don't. Hey! That's catchy! Anyway, the point is that every once in a generation a movie like this comes along to tickle the date bone of the nation's teenagers, and for me that movie was Bring It On. Nuff said.

WTC movie: #3- so much for the Wednesday release tactic. Hey, at least they're not running the ads Oliver Stone originally wanted to run: "Either you watch this movie, or you're with the terrorists." Same thing happened to The Guys. Just a total marketing disaster.

#4 is Barnyard... the original party animals! They decided to drop the ... split infinitive, what the hell. Well, I'll give a shout out to Steve Oedekerk, graduate of the Jim Carrey school of comedy. I think I'll just wait for the all-thumbs version of Barnyard, thank you very much. Incidentally, when are you going to turn Smart Alex into a feature length picture?

Pulse debuts at #5. Boy! Who knew dead people were such cheapskates? They must've all gone to see Pirates 2 a second time. You're so close to 400 million! Hang in there, buddy!

Sliding coolly down the list is Miami Vice at #7. It's finally recouped its trailer budget, but it's all good. Superstar directors can't destroy their careers like they used to. Who wouldn't want to be in a film directed by Michael Mann and his Men?

Well, gotta wrap this up so let's end it with #9, the debut of Zoom. Sigh; guess no one wants to Zoom-a-Zoom-a-Zoom anymore. Probably for the best. But hey! It's doing better than Shaggy Dog, that's for sure. C'mon, people! Tim's branching out here! Don't just wait for his sequels: Santa Clause, Toy Story. And on that note, g'night! And get ready for a whole torrent of puffy old white men on TV screaming about all the terrorists they've caught, and the activist judges slowing them down. Next Geraldo. :)

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