Monday, December 18, 2006

Kill Mel, Vol. 1

Gotta keep this short for many reasons, mainly because it's my bedtime. Actually, I guess that's the only reason, but also to mix things up a little bit. Also because I wanted to assemble an image with Will Smith on a dragon, but it's taking a bit longer than I expected. And furthermore I've gotten a request from one of my peeps! Well, indirectly, actually, but here it is. You know, the Looney Tunes people were like the Simpsons, putting a lot of subliminal or inside jokes in their cartoons. The Simpsons don't animate the name "Groening" a whole lot, unlike the Looney Tunes; their Groening equivalent. Here, for example, is a reference to Michael Maltese, and the obscure reference is to Filboid Studge. Google it yourself, you lazy bums!
Anyway, let's quickly gloss over 10 to 6 here, as it's too depressing to dwell on, frankly. At #10 it's Unaccompanied Minors about to wander into the video store desert to be lost on an obscure shelf for 40 years. At #9 it's The Nativity Scene, and they're employing a unique ad strategy here. Billy Graham is doing commercials saying "If you don't go to see The Nativity Scene, you're all GOING TO HELL, you cheapskate ingrates!"
Rounding out the Top 8 it's Casino Royale. C'mon, all you poker fans! Poker's still hot, isn't it?
Rounding out the lucky Seven it's Blood Diamond. Nah, can't think of a joke here. Sorry, Ngila!
And finally at #6 it's someone's beloved Mel Gibson and the Jolly Folly Factory! You know, there was an early TV spot featuring Mr. Mel himself, talking briefly about the movie. Say like a 30-minute HBO special squished into 15 seconds. Why not, after all Republicans are good at sound bytes, right? So anyway, Mr. Mel says "It's basically a picture about a guy trying to save his family." Same thing that Spielberg said about War of the Worlds, except the Mayans don't try to terraform anybody. While the poor performance of Apocalypto Now is surely not the Christmas present that Gibson was hoping for, me myself, I'm still hoping Santa brings me what I'm wishing for: the new Lego Apocalypto set, and Jesus willing, I'll be drawing and quartering my very own Lego Rudy Youngblood and Lego Bird Yellow Head under the Christmas tree next week! That is, unless you all want the terrorists to win.
Okay! That's about all the damage I can do in this half of the week. Stay tuned for part two sometime this week. Now my bedtime's really long gone. Oh well. I can catch up tomorrow... oh wait, no I can't. Sigh. :(

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