New Rule: Must Attack Historians

Ecch. Still reeling from that little bit of the opening sequence of South Park. They seem to be relying more and more heavily on the spewing of various bodily fluids. That's a lot of cutting and pasting for animation, but back to the matters at hand.

Bill Maher's back, baby! Well, he's been back for about five weeks now. He appeared on Larry King, and more recently on Keith Olbermann, where he once again invoked the sorriest of moments from this presidency, when Dubya sat in that classroom and continued to read My Pet Goat when he learned that the second trade tower fell. Remember that! He went ahead with the photo-op after the first Trade Tower was hit. I think Michael Moore's hypothesis is the answer to the question, What was going through the President's mind when he heard this? He must've been thinking, uh-oh, our Saudi friends are pissed off. Just for that, Bandar gets a slap on the wrist. But on to more recent events. I like to post Maher's 'talking points', because a) he doesn't seem to mind (haven't got my RSS feed up & running yet) and b) it's right on the money. Jokes alone can't hurt this president, we need action, and we need impeachment proceedings. When Clinton was president there was nothing too small for the Republicans to scrutinize, and now there's nothing too big for the Republicans to ignore. I forget who said that, but it could've been Voltaire. Anyway, here's Maher's latest New Rule. I should probably point out that it's from HBO, and there are some profanities in it, so children shouldn't read it, even though the real profanities are in the White House right now...

And finally, New Rule: Traitors don't get to question my patriotism. What could be less patriotic than constantly screwing things up for America? You know, it's literally hard to keep up with the sheer volume of scandals in the Bush Administration, which is why I like to download the latest scandals right onto my iPod. That way I can catch up on this week's Giant Fuck-Up on my drive in to work. In fact, Bush has so many scandals, he could open a chain of Bush Scandal and Fuck-Up theme restaurants. Ooh, should I get the Harriet Miers Meatloaf or the Katrina Krab-cakes?

You know, not to generalize, but the 29& of people who still support President Bush are the ones who love to pronounce themselves more patriotic than the rest of us, but just saying you're patriotic is like saying you have a big cock. If you have to say it, chances are it's not true. (to John Legend: I don't have to tell you...) And indeed, the party that flatters itself that they protect America better is the party that has exhausted the military, left the ports wide open, and purposefully outed a CIA agent, Valerie Plame. That's not treason anymore, outing a spy? Did I mention it was one of OUR spies? And how despicable that Bush's lackies attempted to diminish this crime by belittling her service, like she was just some chick who hung around the CIA. "An intern, really. Groupie, if you want to be mean about it."

No. Big lie. Valerie Plame was the CIA's operational officer in charge of counter-proliferation. Which means, she tracked loose nukes. So when Bush said, as he once did, that his absolute number one priority was preventing terrorists from getting loose nukes ... okay, that's what she worked on. That's what she devoted her life to, staying undercover for twenty years, maintaining two identities every god damn day. This is extraordinary service to your country. Valerie Plame was the kind of real life secret agent George Bush dreams of being when he's not too busy pretending to be a cowboy or a fighter pilot.

CIA agents are troops. This was a military assassination of one of our own, done through the press, ordered by Karl Rove. He said of Valerie Plame, "She's fair game". And then Cheney shot him. George Bush likes to claim that he doesn't question his critics' patriotism, just their judgment. Well, let me be the first of your critics, Mr. President, to question your judgment and your patriotism. Because let's not forget why they did it to her, because Valerie Plame was married to this guy Joe Wilson, who the Bush people hated because he busted them on one of their bullshit reasons for invading Iraq. He was sent to the African country of Niger to see if Niger were selling nucear fuel to Iraq. They weren't, it was bullshit, and he said so. In fact, his report was called, "Niger, please!"

Valerie Plame's husband told the truth about their lies, so they were willing to jeopardize an entire network of spies to ruin her life. Wow! Even the mob doesn't go after your family. Mark Twain said, "Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserve it.", and I say Valerie Plame is a patriot, because she spent her life servnig her country. 'Scooter' Libby is not because he spent his life serving Dick Cheney. Valerie Plame kept her secrets; the Bush administration leaked like the plumbing at Walter Reed. (uneasy reaction from the crowd for some reason... Too soon?) In the year 2008 I really think Hillary Clinton should run for President on a platform of restoring honor and integrity to the Oval Office.

It was one of our spies. That should be a bigger laugh if it wasn't so sad. This country doesn't deserve Mrs. Plame's service. And she is pretty good-looking, I have to admit that.
What else? Like father, like son: one of the big sound-bytes from the Bush-Dukakis days was the two of them saying "I don't question his patriotism, but I do question his judgment." But I for one don't want to go back to the days of Willie Horton tearing down the Berlin wall. Many do pine for the days of the Evil Empire, though. Guess we were just lucky that the Cold War pretty much managed itself, unlike today's... G.S.A.E.? (Global Struggle Against Extremism?) Somebody check the folder on Rummie's desk at the Pentagon. What are we calling it these days?

On the other end of the spectrum, compare that with Dennis Miller's recent appearance on the Daily Show with Jon Stewart. Jon, seriously, meet ME at camera 3. I know you guys go back and all, but seriously, Miller's just really pathetic now. Sure, he keeps himself fit and all, and I guess he's saved some money, but people like to beat up on Robin Williams too, and Miller's got this pre-digested stuff in the can ready to spew like the riff on Marathon Man: if you hang around long enough, the record starts to skip. Great movie, by the way. And sure, it's easy to pick on the elder statesmen of the Democrats like Robert Byrd and all; in fact, my good friend whose opinion I trust went much further than that, asking if Dennis Miller is in sixth grade. Next thing he'll be saying Senator Byrd has poopy-pants. Meanwhile, Strom Thurmond has just been elected the Mayor of his section of his graveyard, although a recount has been demanded. Maybe Dennis can take over on 'the 1/2 hour News Hour' on Fox News when his latest radio show gets cancelled. Or just stay at the guest house in Kennebunkport at the Bush compound and save us all a lot of trouble.

Peace out :)