Sunday, March 11, 2007

Wild Hogs Can't Be Broken

Oh man! It's well past time to jump back into the game. There's been too much abuse going on for far too long. So let's get into it. It's a real Battle of the Demographics this week. Drop the kids off at Zodiac, while the parents go to 300, something like that. And I'm already behind! They usually update the top 10 at about 2pm on Sunday; at least, that's been my limited experience. Well, let's get right into it this time! We'll be on top of it now.

And I'm glad in a way, because we get a chance to tear Amazing Grace a new one. Clocking in at #10, it's the ancient story behind that great, great Really Old Standard. I guess the religious Right haven't laid claim to it completely yet, because man! Look at those numbers! Only 2.53 million this week, and only 11.4 million total! I guess spendthriftiness must be one of the virtues in the Book of Virtues. C'mon, people! You can't get into heaven without watching Amazing Grace. "Dr." Dobson can't always buy your movie tickets for you!

I know, I'm being far too light on Michael Apted. Maybe the people in Port Angeles, WA were right.... Oh, snap!!!!

At #9 this week it's Breach, just one of four one-word titles this week, that is, if we can count 300 as a one-word title. No? Just the first two trimesters? Okay, skip it.

At #8 it's Music and Lyrics. For the American Idol crowd, it's sort of about how you get the songs you sing. Sort of.

At #7 it's The Number 23. From the director of Batman & Robin. How often do you get to say that? Or how about, from the director of D.C. Cab. Who will get to the Oscar finish line first, Joel or Jim? Maybe The Crowded Room will decide. Or has it been kicking around Hollywood long enough yet? What's it been, about 15 years?

Just shy of the Top 5 it's Norbit, and it's doing so well that they're running the next round of TV spots, showing that there are other people in the film too! A Wayans brother and, Undercover Brother himself! Who knew? Makes me feel sorry for Thandie Newton, sort of.

And now, the top 5. David Fincher's back, baby! This time, with a real-life Seven, called Zodiac. Now, I'm no Christian or anything, but even I get tired of glorifying serial killers this way. Still, I don't know what's worse, serial killers or the 70s. But you get a little of both here. Don't worry, though: barring any new unforeseen strikes, we'll get Benjamin Button out there yet. Babel 2, they're calling it: Brad, you better work with Angelina again! And soon!

At #4 it's Ghost Rider, the only one to break 100 million this week. This is good news for Nicolas Cage, maybe he can finally get some work now!

At #3 it's (the?) Bridge to Terabithia, and once again, I don't know where the Lion's share of the ad campaign was, Nickelodeon, Noggin, wherever, but the numbers don't lie. Look at those numbers! Able to hold its own against 300, for one. All I know is, this is some kind of vindication for Gabor Csupo. He will no longer be known just for his attachment to the Simpsons and the Rugrats. Onward and upward to the Oscars for Mr. Csupo. Eat it, Al Adamson! Ironically enough, he used to date a girl named Terabithia, but we'll save that for later.

Number 2 brings us Wild Hogs. What can I say? I'm speechless. Some casting agent must've decided that its four stars have made enough bombs on their own, so why not pool their resources and make one big bomb together. Guess they screwed that one up too, huh?

Ah, how the new computer brings new problems. I've just lost the imdB's hyperlinks! Cool! Guess I need to subscribe to it or something. Anyway, at #1 it's 300. Oh, that Frank Miller is hot hot hot! This is a little something he tossed off in between Sin City sequels. Just goes to show that the attrition of Return of the King is still box office gold. But where to go from here? Why not just have one mega-super warrior slaughter a million soldiers? Too implausible? Guess we'll just have to wait for 600 to find out. Oh well.

Just got 'em back, the hyperlinks. Wonder what the hell happened...
And that's all the time I have today. Tune in next week for the next installment of Box Office Hee-Haw. I got about 4 hours before my guests arrive. Can I clean up my pigsty by then? Doubt it. :)

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