Sunday, September 30, 2007

Holy Turducken!

Well, once again, just when you thought you heard of everything, something like turducken comes along and just totally blows your mind all over again, and the world seems new and you have to re-learn how to ride a bicycle. Or is that after you contract Mad Cow disease? Speaking of which, the latest epic featuring thousands of CGI monsters duking it out on hi-res battlefields is indeed Resident Evil 3, and it is indeed at #1. I don't know how, there's just no more predictability in these box office races anymore. Except for maybe the week that Indiana Jones 4 opens. I'd call Vegas on that one. Kingdom of the Crystal Skull? Really? Oh well. If you build it, they will come... I guess. Sounds like a Temple of Doom sequel, just as the third one was a Raiders sequel, but moron that later. Back to the matter at hand. Time for a shout out to RE3 director Russell Mulcahy, no stranger to sequels himself. And not exactly a spring chicken, nor the hottest Cal-Arts grad with a two minute CGI short he's about to turn into the latest Pixar epic. Best known for the feature-length music video Highlander 1, he's got quite a few things in the pipeline! Including what looks to be his cinematic autobiography. So congratulations to you, Russell Mulcahy, our Australian Auteur of the week.
At #2, what is surely being advertised as the #1 romantic comedy in America, it's Good Luck Chuck. Not only does that rhyme, but it has double meaning too! Some split infinitive thing. Spoiler Alert! It's about a guy who turns out to be a magic marriage catalyst for women. And yet, it's not a high concept pic like Indecent Proposal, and they're not marketing it to women with a question like "Would you date this man if you knew that the next man you date would be your true love?" That's how I would've done it, but they must be doing something right! #2! Not 2 shabby!!!! Hah. Now I know everyone's beating up on Dane Cook, saying they're tired of the fratboy suburbia humour, but I won't add to all that. Just report it.


Now normally I say #6 to #10 are the dregs, but I think we're in the dregs already. #3 brings us The Brave One. And yet, why am I reminded of The Lonely Lady?

At #4 it's 9:11 to Rudy. I'm sorry, I mean 3:10 to Yuma. That's what I get for watching too much news. Rounding out the top 5, it's David Cronenberg's latest art house masterpiece, Eastern Promises. Teaming up once again with Aragorn; why, I haven't seen anything like it since Peter Weller teamed up to do Naked Lunch. And to think, he could be doing RoboCop 6 right about now!
As for the rest, Superbad still lags about halfway behind Bourne 3 in terms of total box office take. But both have staked out a claim on the IMDb Top 250; how cool is that? Watch out, Fight Club and The Matrix, and all you oldies from 1999 who will soon fall if this keeps up. But just as 2007 was up til now The Year of the Rogen, with the arrival of Michael Clayton this could very well be The Year of the Gilroy instead. But I think the year's big enough; perhaps there's room for both after all.
Mr. Woodcock hasn't gotten in the top 250 yet, nor made that much money, but... there's gotta be an upside. Anyway, speaking of Michael Clayton, there's another character worthy of their own title, and that's Sydney White. What it's a riff on, I'll let you find that out for yourself, as it's way too priceless to spoil. But what to be done with Amanda Bynes? Where does she fit in the galaxy of young starlets? Not old enough to be Julia Stiles, not Lohan enough to be Lindsay. Not knee deep in her second career like Anna Paquin. Or is she? ...nope, made a study of it, looks like she's working pretty steady despite losing The Amanda Show. I think I'll wait til my girlfriend wants to introduce me to the films of Amanda Bynes, personally.
Which brings us to D-War, or Dragon War, or whatever the hell it is. It's the #1 movie this week about dragons attaking downtown Hokkaido... something like that. Personally, I think the commercials they're running this week set a dangerous precedent. All it says is "Now Playing." No cast or crew names in the commercial at all! I don't think they even showed a Studio logo! Look, all I'm saying is if this becomes a catchy trend, the affected unions might have to take action. And speaking of action, I think it's past my bedtime. So many movies to TiVo, so little time. :)

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