Wednesday, November 21, 2007

You'll have a Jolie old time!

Another contentious week at the Box Office this week, and there's a triumphant new B.O. Wolf that ate the lion's share of ... all those meaty box office dollars to be had from patrons eager for entertainment this Thanksgiving season. Something like that. And the big dog at #1 this week is indeed Beowulf. The movie, not the video game, available on all platforms. If you're in China, both are already on the same Blu-Ray disc. And now for some serious Movie Nerd SATs, because apparently, what Gozer was to Ghostbusters, so Angelina Jolie is to Beowulf. (My God! Did you see what she was wearing?) Incidentally, is it Ghost Busters or Ghostbusters? Because apparently, it's Ghostbusters 2 and not Ghost Busters 2. English is such a strange language. For example, as long as we're on SATs, there's the example of: aerobic is to anaerobic what atomic is to anatomic. Wait, that can't be right.
Where were we? Oh yeah, #2 is Bee Movie. Yawn. Almost at 100 million, already got space reserved for it in the Kids Section at your local video store. I ain't seen anything like it since Seinfeld alums Mandel, Berg and Schaffer were let loose on Dr. Seuss! Oh, snap!
Side by side is the other big cumulative dog, and this one actually jumped over the 100 million barrier, and it's Ridley Scott's Willie Dynamite. Follow that bird, my niggas!
At #4 it's Fred Claus. Not doing too shabby, but somehow the word on the street is keeping all the soccer moms and all the big families away who might have gone to see Home Alone so long ago. Has it been that long? Dayamn! What I want to know is, how did Kevin Spacey get roped into this? Did he lose playing poker with Bryan Singer?
Rounding out the top 5 it's Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. No wait, it's The Splendiforous Zeppelin Escapades of Filliam H. Muffman. No wait, it's Joseph and the (amazing) Technicolor Dreamcoat. No wait, it's W.W. and the Dixie Dancekings. No wait, it's Chu Chu and the Philly Flash. No wait, it's Those Daring Young Men in Their Jaunty Jalopies. Okay, that's the only one I didn't have off the top of my head. Okay, so Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium is standing on the shoulders of giants. But this time (SPOILERS), it's like if Willy Wonka was dying in the movie and had to get around to the dirty business of bypassing the Death Tax and handing down the business to either the slick, moneygrubbing assistant who plans on selling the store to the Death Gel Factory, or passing the deed on to the wholesome assistant with stars in their eyes, ready to fill the shoes of Mr. Magorium himself and carry the burning torch onward to hell or high water, whichever brings about the end of the world first. Let's face it, folks. We're so burned out with all these expensive movies with the fabulous expensive CGI special effects, so numb from all the fresh new wonderment in the world, even ten year olds are already thinking about death. Think of it as a mental inoculation. Better to get it out of the way sooner.
And now the dregs. Well, not all of 'em. Normally I think that, especially about something like Dan in Real Life. Okay, got that one out of the way. Why, it hasn't even earned the catering budget of Evan Almighty yet! But now we get to my bread and butter. For any of you who might have read this blog earlier just might remember I said the only movie I was waiting for this year was in fact No Country for Old Men (NCFOM). Every once in a while the people's movie makes it onto the top 10. The rest of 'em? Corporate-funded Krappenfests, funded by people who just want to have a nice career in the movies, and not offend anybody by making any kind of waves. The Simpsons Movie rocketed up the IMDb Top 250 when it first came out, only to sink like a stone later. Perhaps NCFOM won't suffer the second half of that fate. It's already higher than Fargo and The Big Lebowski. Well, you can't have everything. Miller's Crossing, O Brother and The Man Who Wasn't There all had their own separate stints on the Top 250 at one time or another. They're just not there now. Oh, flunf.
All right, enough about that. You'll hear more from me on the subject once I finally get to see the damn movie. You know how it is - so many social engagements, so little time. At #8 it's Lions for Lambs (L4L). Not LOL. You won't get into a chat room and see those two in the same sentence fragment. Let's say it's the best movie since... I don't know, The Last Supper. Something like that. Speaking of lambs, Saw 4 may have finally led all the lambs to slaughter it'll lead in the theaters. Oh well. Wait a couple months, and you can buy the Quartet on video at WalMart or Costco. I'm sorry, the correct word is Quadrilogy, right? At least, for the likes of a movie franchise like Saw. How unfair the fates are when a movie like Saw spawns three more behind it, yet no one remembers Switchback.
And finally, in a contentious last-minute shuffling of numbers, Love in the time of Cholera (LTC) makes it onto the top 10. Check your Variety folks. The top 50 always has an interesting story to tell. Just shows to go you, never underestimate the pweor of a good title. Like Love in the Time of Money (LTM) or Woman on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown (WVNB), or Chu Chu and the Philly Flash. This is Javier Bardem's other film on our top 10 this week, incidentally. It's not fair. It's just not fair.

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