Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Anything happening in the news?

Hah! I love that joke. Well, while I and the whole world celebrates the restoring of honor and dignity to government, the weekly Box Office goes right straight to hell. It's not like we didn't see this coming! Oh why oh why did no one go to see Fireproof? I mean, sure it made money, but did anyone really watch it? I mean, REALLY sit there and... what was I talking about? Hmm. Probably wasn't important.
So let's survey the damage here. There must have been some forces of decency at work to prevent Zack and Miri from reaching #1, but really, Disney has their own pact with the devil. Yes, High School Musical 3 triumphs yet again, at #1 for the second week in a row. Just like Beverly Hills Chihuahua did, and it's still at #6! And it's currently only at #89 on the IMDb's ever-fluctuating Bottom 100 list. Keep reaching for that rainbow, BHC! Fat Slags is bound to slip up sometime.
Disney's former minion Harvey Weinstein propels Zack and Miri make a Porno to #2. People are ready to love again! And eager to seek a manual or two on the act. Because if there's one thing this world is currently lacking, it's people.
Meanwhile Saw V is at #3, which is kind of like porno, but with violence instead! Much more palatable. As someone pointed out, Zack and Miri was boycotted in Utah, but not Saw V. Well, I'm sure even Utah will like Kevin Smith's next project, Red State.
At a disappointing debut at #4, it's current front runner for Best Picture of 2008, Changeling, and it's for all the heavy breathers in overcoats who get their kicks from child abduction stories. Sorry, guys, it's got a Martin Guerre twist that will surely ruin it for you. As for #5, surely it's not riding ZnM's porno-themed bandwagon? The Haunting of Molly Hartley? Well, I do get kind of a creepy Midwest vibe from it, and there's no big secular movie star to speak of. But if you look at the plot description, notice that the plot revolves around Molly's 18th birthday! They ARE hitching their wagons to that porn star! Oh, you're no longer jailbait now, honey!
Something like that. What's happening to me? I must still be giddy about the election. Yeah, that must be it. I'm sure not giddy about 6 thru 10, that's for sure! Oh well, Eddie, at least you had the Hulk this year. Don't let another bomb slow you down, buddy! Still, let's try to get that Oscar within the next ten years, huh? I gots t'go.

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