Short Reviews - Oct. '08

WEST PALM BEACH, Fla. – A Florida teenager has been sentenced to 18 months in juvenile detention for coaxing his senile grandmother into holding a gun and threatening to shoot "all the pigs" in a homemade "gangster rap" video.

Eighteen-year-old Michael Alfinez pleaded guilty Tuesday to elder abuse charges. His family has said the case was a misunderstanding.

The 85-year-old grandmother can be seen in the video holding a handgun, wearing a black mask and threatening to shoot "all the pigs."

Alfinez was arrested in April after authorities seized the tape during a routine traffic stop. Alfinez and others also could be seen in the video shooting a pistol around town.

Alfinez also pleaded guilty to charges of firing out of a moving vehicle and into a building.

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All right, let's break open this crab and wail...

You Don't Mess with the Zohan - Well, Sandsy, we made it half way through. We just had to stop; it was too wonderful.

Death Defying Acts - Oh, Catherine Zeta, you were so big once.

Four Christmases - Ah, thank God. Vince Vaughn and Jon Favreau reliving their Groundlings days all over again, and on film where it always belonged. Oh, Jennifer Aniston was crazy to dump you, Vince!

Elizabeth: The Golden Age - I liked it. Good chick flick. A chick flick in a big cold castle.

Drunken Jackasses: The Movie - if Maxim magazine doesn't think this is the greatest movie of all time, well, damnit! I'm just going to move to Canada, that's all there is to it.

Saw V - The last one? No! Say it isn't so! You at least gotta get as many as Pinhead!

How to Alienate People & whatever... - Simon Pegg v. Ricky Gervais...

Pride and Glory - New Ed Norton pic ... oh wait, shoulda saved that for the 'Four Word Movie reviews..."

The Express - More PG sports pics

The Haunting of Molly Hartley - Oh, Nina Siemaszko, did you really need the money?

"Kath & Kim" - My God! Was that Molly Shannon?

Vacation (1) - With Anthony Michael Hall as Rusty and Dana Barron as Audrey

European Vacation - With Jason Lively as Rusty and Dana Hill as Audrey

Christmas Vacation - With Johnny Galecki as Rusty and Juliette Lewis as Audrey

Vegas Vacation - With Ethan Embry as Rusty and Marisol Nichols as Audrey

The Lazarus Project - Oh, Piper Perabo... Did you really need the money?

The Judas Project - Oh, Richard Edlund... Did you really need the money? Nah, couldn't have been for the money. How much money did you get for that, seriously?

Dawg - Denis Leary, you owe me an apology.

Tru Loved - AKA High School Musical 3.5

"Prison Break" - Apparently, the show has jumped the shark. I blame producer Brett Ratner for that. Who wouldn't?

Role Models - McLovin's return, right?

"The Ex List" - Is that Andy Samberg?
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This just in: Alfinez gets 3 picture deal at Lions Gate.