Sunday, November 22, 2015

Secret in their (Box Office) Receipts

Damn.  Just saw that Jennifer Lawrence's latest film is at #1, but I think my point here's still valid.  For one thing, they were showing Never Say Never Again this weekend.  I had to find out from the Maltin guide that it's basically a remake of Thunderball ... LIKE A DOG!!!!  LIKE A DIRTY ALLEY DOG!  But you see, with a film like Never Say Never Again, the making of the film and the people involved is a more interesting story than in the film itself.  For one thing, it's the only time that two sitting James Bonds went head to head... okay, since 1967, or whenever that On Her Majesty's Secret Service was.  As for 1983, we had Octopussy and NSNA in the same year!  Why do I get the feeling that Roger Moore wasn't too happy about that?
As for the screen capture I have here, well... another slight against Roger Moore.  Um... Live and Let Die was NOT SEAN CONNERY!!  But as of this moment, the typo still stands.  I guess the email guy over at Pretty Famous dot com's got the weekend off.  But some inaccuracies just must not stand, and I'm sure they'll hear from SOMEONE about this slight.
In other box office debut news, Seth Rogen's star has fallen a bit, at least compared to 2007.  I don't know what week Knocked Up came out, but Rogen picked probably the toughest weekend to open his latest on.
At #5, it's The Fault in Their Stars 2... I mean, Secret in Their Eyes.  Oh, it's an all-star Hollywood cast going for Oscar gold, don't kid yourselves, and it's another notch in writer/director/caterer Billy Ray's belt.  Don't worry, all is forgiven... and by all I mean Color of Night. (spoiler alert: black!)  Jane March still doesn't, of course, but screw her.  Anyway, not bad for a serious drama going against The Hunger Games, but I guess people wanted to see two Hollywood starlets like Julia Roberts and Nicole Kidman pitted against each other.  For me, however, it's no contest... Kidman's probably aging better.  And finally!  At #8 it's yet another serious drama that the Catholic Church probably won't like, but screw them.  They want to make Redd Foxx sit at the back of Heaven!  Sorry, watching too much YouTube again.  I think Martin Scorsese should try rereleasing The Last Temptation of Christ, but I guess it would've made more sense two years ago for its 25th anniversary.  Also, he's a good Catholic, so he wouldn't want to do that.  And so, it's time to turn on your heart light and go see Spotlight, a movie about how a ragtag team of intrepid reporters broke the story about the Catholic Church's child molestation scandal.
But to play Devil's Advocate here a little, I think I understand where these priests are coming from.  After all, you hear sometimes about inmates in federal prisons and what not getting a little rape crazy.  And besides!  There's nothing else to do in there!  And the Catholic priests are trapped in a prison of their own, sort of, but instead of metal bars, they're trapped by the word of God, so you try and test to see if the guards are watching.  You know, what you can get away with.  Test the rigidity and integrity of the system.  They'd try taking a pass at one of the nuns, but they're all old and they blab too much, and they get a little crazy sometimes with their rulers and various other instruments of torture.  And so, one of the priests looked at the choirboys and thought to himself, well, the Bible doesn't say anything about lying down with choriboys per se, right?  And besides, what are they doing here anyway?  They're just tourists.  I have to live here.  You're on my turf now, bitch!  And so, that which should not be named takes place, and God doesn't strike the offending priest dead right there on the spot, so the priest can't help but think to himself, "Well, God didn't do anything to me, so it can't be all bad!" ...I better stop right there.  Anyway, fast forward, and we've got about half the priesthood engaging in this unholy pastime.  It's the kind of thing that might make you want to become an Atheist... almost.

No comments: