Sunday, November 13, 2016

Removing Every Last Trace of Honor and Dignity From the White House

So we've got three new arrivals this week.  First, the latest sleek sci-fi thriller you'll never ever forget for the rest of your life, called The Arrival... no wait, that's the 1996 Charlie Sheen- David Twohy collaboration.  Twohy only wrote Terminal Velocity... I didn't know that!  Well, it was right after The Fugitive, and Twohy had a bunch of scripts in his desk drawer that weren't going anywhere, and he knew he didn't really want to direct that one himself.
Anyway, we've got the early Christmas comedy called, appropriately enough, Almost Christmas.  Only about 41 shopping days left, people!  This could be the last one!  And finally we've got Shut In, the latest in a long line of low-budget neo-horror flicks... but what do I know.  Maybe it actually took twelve years to film, maybe they filmed five minutes of it during the winter months like a certain other film whose name I forgot already.
And, of course...when Trump announced he was running for President of the United States after riding down that escalator, I said no, this can't be happening.  And when he won the Republican party's nomination, I said no, this can't be happening.  Then when the FBI and KGB got involved in our democratic process, I said no, this can't be happening.  I guess you just have to take the small victories at times, like the Access Hollywood audio leak.  Finally!  Access Hollywood serves a higher purpose.
Well, everyone in the media has been doing two things lately... well, three, really.  One, they've been on the verge of tears.  Two, they've publicly said that they will give Donald Trump the benefit of the doubt... but his supporters don't really believe that, now, do they?  Certainly not when he tries to strip women of their reproductive rights or, having failed to get Mexico to pay for the wall, he instead tries to get the American people to pay for it instead.  And let's have some sympathy for Trump supporters, as they've already been dealt a crippling blow just today.  When asked about locking up "Crooked" Hillary, just as he promised to her face in the second debate... he now says he's got bigger, more important things to do.  Typical politician.  Saying whatever they have to to get the job, then stabbing you in the back, and twisting the knife a couple times just for good measure, and just to make it that much harder for the back specialist to repair the slipped discs.  What else is he going to backtrack on?  His Muslim ban?  Repealing Obamacare?  David Duke on the Supreme Court?
...where was I?  Oh, right.  The third thing that everyone has been doing is telling personal stories about how this election result affected them in ways they hadn't anticipated, usually involving their kids and having to explain it all to them.  "Daddy, why is Archie Bunker the president now?"  I should've suspected something was wrong when I heard that Alabama voter proudly declare that Trump was one of them: not afraid to speak his mind, and wanting to get it on with his totally hot daughter.  Help us, Ivanka!  You're our only hope!  Bill Maher and I can see that: she's the only one of Trump's kids that seems to possess any shred of humanity.  To a lesser extent, Tiffany (aka LaToya Trump), but even she knows that Ivanka's the alpha.
Welp, I don't make it a point to get too personal here, but a few antidotes... anecdotes come to mind.  I remember, in happier times, when it actually seemed like I might be able to change careers, I took a class with three teachers.  The oldest and wisest of the teachers had us think about a question.  The question was along the lines of: does it matter if my farmer is a good person or not?  Seemed kind of innocuous at the time, but the more I thought about it... I do try to shop at my local co-op and what not.  I can't do the grocery outlets... I just can't.  I mean, the low prices and passed expiration dates are fun and all, don't get me wrong.  And I'm no vegan/vegetarian saint, to be sure.  Tried it a little a long time ago... probably should've stuck with it.  But now we've got the spectre of a farmer and White Nationalist making robocalls on behalf of a Republican candidate for President.  There's an article from a website called RedState with the headline "Disgusting"... but something tells me they were pressured to say that.  Kinda like how Ann Coulter wanted to say that if President Obama had a leaked audio clip of himself similar to Trump's Access Hollywood "locker room talk" audio clip... well, not only would that be grounds for impeachment, the Republican DC establishment would do everything they could to run him out of town as literally on a rail as possible.  Coulter really really wanted to say that, but fake modesty forbid.  So let me just take this opportunity to apologize to minorities everywhere because, as you may remember, the White establishment in this country got a little bit scared of President Obama, and opposed him at every turn.  Disenfranchised Whites will put up with a lot, but apparently not a Black president.  And yes, say what you will, but Obama is black enough.  There was some debate about that in 2008, but they ultimately decided to move on to bashing his religious credentials instead.
...there was one other thing that came to mind.  Before Ah-nold Schwarzenegger became the Governator of Cully-fohnia, I saw a clip of him on TV.  I think he was on a sports show, and he was talking about... I can't even remember, some up-and-coming bodybuilders or something.  I clearly remember his demeanor, though, as he seemed to be foundering, looking for a purpose in life, quite literally in that moment.  Terminator 3 hadn't posted the record profits of Terminator 2, and the general trappings of a mid-life crisis seemed to be sinking in.  Maybe he had about ten or twenty cups of coffee too many that day before going on the air.  But when he took the governorship?  Calmness and serenity restored.  Same thing with Trump because, unlike most billionaires, sometimes being a billionaire just isn't enough.  Why, even old Monty Burns had a thing or two to say about that when the plant was bought by German investors!  "What good is money if you can't inspire terror in your fellow man?" asks an exasperated Burns.
Anyway, I hope President Elect Trump tries to use the office for good, and I will give him the benefit of the doubt... too late.  What a douche nozzle.  As for all you Trump supporters who are starting to feel disappointed, well... Trump did warn you, remember?

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