Monday, May 29, 2017


Whelp, I tried taking a break from all things Trump last week.  Did anything happen?  Oh, right.  Well, for starters, Trump gave the Russians some classified information.  I know, I know, what's the big deal?  Besides, what Bill Clinton's done to women... much worse, folks.  Much worse.  And who knows?  Maybe we'll be looking back on this era fondly, in a post-secrets utopian society and we'll say "And it all started with that douchebag Trump."  Of course, by then, the word "douchebag" will be a term of endearment, kinda like "bro" and "pal."  Well, "pal" not so much.  People still say "Thanks a lot, pal" when something bad happens.  Meanwhile, all the little atrocities that Trump commits, what do the Republicans do?  Why, lift their heads up high and keep their mouths shut!  Remember that come election time, people.  Try and remember that.  I know both parties are the same and all that, but I prefer the Democrats, if only because they seem to have a better grasp of metaphors, and because they don't keep trying to change the goalposts all the time on little things like, say, rape and treason, for example.
Meanwhile, I feel a little sorry for Melania right now.  I mean, for God's sake!  Can't ANYONE ELSE ON THIS PLANET take her modeling career seriously?  She wore that pussy dress in front of Clinton, for God's sake!  What more do people want?  Well, Trump wants to hold her hand.  Apparently, she's not into that whole hand holding scene right now.  She makes like she has to brush her hair out of her eyes when Trump goes in for the hand, and what does she get?  Why, a patronizing pat on the glutes, of course!  Man, first lady-ing is a bitch.
Okay, I feel a little better... well, not really.  But let's try to ignore our falling esteem in the eyes of the world for the moment and take a look at this weekend's box office... hoh boy.  Well, say what you will, but we still kick the world's ass when it comes to movies.  And once again, thanks to a robust ad campaign, and probably some pirate-related product tie-ins, the latest installment of Disney's Pirates of the Carribean ride... I mean, movie, arrives in port at #1.  Not quite recouping its ad budget, but maybe video sales will be good.  Plus, doesn't Disney already own everything?  Surely they'll get some monthly interest out of that!  And finally, the only other debut this week is that Baywatch movie you've probably seen an ad for.  Plus, that one chick in it was on the cover of Cosmopolitan magazine or something.  You know, one of those magazines that lie to women, and talk about the fifty newest sex positions you ABSOLUTELY MUST TRY RIGHT NOW.  Man, I must be tired tonight.  But I will say that "The Rock" did what he could.  After all, the season finale of SNL was last week!  Apparently, they're not going to bump that up a week for one movie.

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