Hot Pursuit... I mean, the latest Amy Schumer vehicle called Snatched. Another day at the office, and a semi-triumphant return to form for Goldie Hawn. Apparently, she's been enjoying life out of the spotlight since 2002's The Banger Sisters. Also, she gets a chance to go head to head with longtime hubby Kurt Russell in the Guardians of the Galaxy sequel. Tread carefully around the dinner table on that one, Kurt! It's not a competition; you're both doing well.
Meanwhile, Hollywood takes another stab, so to speak, at the legend of King Arthur. And this one is called King Arthur: Legend of the Sword. Master auteur Guy Ritchie puts his own unique-type spin on the Arthur legend. It debuted at #3, thereby assuring the continuing careers of both Arthur and Guy. Guy will keep making pictures, and the Arthur legend will keep getting remade. The last debut this week is another religious film for The Onion A.V. Club to really stick it to... oops! Apparently not. Movie SAT time: what Sugar Hill was to the '90s, so too is Lowriders for the early 2017s. Brought to you by... what else? Lowrider Magazine! Love that thing. I read it for the articles, of course.
...oh, right. Politics. Well, another week, another massive paradigm shift. Well, I hate to say it, but you gotta hand it to Trump. It's apparently like his "The Apprentice" reality show... I know, "reality" show, where each week one more apprentice gets fired. This time, Trump makes a rather high-profile firing, even for him. A whole head of the FBI, no less! Of course, James Comey's no J. Edgar Hoover, I know. But Trump's no dummy, and as he said, there's "never a good time" to fire a guy like Comey. Trump wanted to do it on January 21st, but that wouldn't have looked good. People remember the timing on a thing like that! It echoes through eternity!
But I can't help but admire the view of the world from my mother's basement, and ponder the big philosophical questions from my lofty, Ivory tower perch. Questions like, just what are the differences between Democrats and Republicans? You often hear on TV these days that both sides have the same problems. Of course, it's usually the token Republican that says that. For instance, both sides are trapped in bubbles. Right-wingers don't want to read The New York Times, and Left-wingers don't want to read... let's say The Drudge Report. And neither side wants to read "The Week." Man, they can't give that away for free! Well, there's probably no fixing this problem any time soon.
But I hate to say it, but I think Jimmy Kimmel had the best take on it. All the well-paid late night jesters had a take on it, but Kimmel's was the best. I like what he said, because it's kind of what I usually say. See? Another bubble to be trapped in. The topic was about the phrase "priming the pump." See, Trump was trying to impress the staff writer / interviewer of "The Economist" magazine. They try to be more academic than "Forbes," for one. I take it that "The Economist" interviewer said nothing, which Trump took to be a sign of enormous respect. It's not, "The Donald"... it's not. I try not to swear here, but Donald, you don't bull$#!t a fellow bull$#!tter, or someone who knows $#!t from $#!nola. And sure, I'll grant that this article's being a little snarky in the banner headline, probably in the rest of the article as well... we should try to heed Hasan Minhaj's recent advice to the media to be completely serious, and not engage in snark. It's Fox "News"'s job to engage in snark when it comes to Democrats, and they take that work very, very seriously. As serious as a New York heart attack.
Ooh! Just saw this article off to the side of the other article. Articles beget articles on the Internet, don't they? Trump loudmouth Mickey Cohen... I mean, Michael Cohen, is trying to ride the coattails of that creepy Electra complex known as Ivanka and The Donald. In Michael's case, he posted a hot pic of his sexy daughter to social media, with the comment "So proud of my Ivy League daughter...brains and beauty channeling her Edie Sedgwick." Now, for those of you who have no idea who that is... myself included... here's Edie Sedgwick's Wikipedia page for ya. Yes, Michael Cohen's daughter will be just like Edie Sedgwick, but without the premature death from barbiturate overdose. How creepy would that be? But, you know, both sides are just as bad. The only example I can think of is the daughter of Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger, but without the obscure references. Which brings me to another difference between Democrats and Republicans: metaphors. Is it just me, or are Republicans terrible with metaphors? Take how Republicans are always talking about the slippery slope that marriage equality represents to them. Why, if gay people are allowed to marry, what's next? Democrats think a more just society is next, Republicans think bestiality is next.
Also, abortion. The two political parties definitely have different approaches to abortion. Democrats believe women should have access to quality health care... Republicans do not. In fact, Republicans don't want anything close to something that might be an abortion. But there are a few exceptions. For instance, Bill Bennett... boy! There are a lot of people named Bill Bennett! Well, the one I'm referring to is former Secretary of Education under Ronald Reagan and talk show host who forgot that he was ever in government service Bill Bennett once said that the crime rate would drop if all black fetuses were aborted... yeah. So, clearly, the Right Wing would be in favor of some abortions. Just to get that darned old crime rate down. Of course, it would only reduce the theft of hubcaps and collard greens, right? Then, of course, there are the forced abortions in sweatshops in places like Saipan. Perfectly okay, because it's not in the U.S., and those women really need to be getting back to work anyway.
But the BIG reveal this week, if only for me, was that Trump "demanded loyalty" from Comey at a dinner. That's right, you heard me... a President of the United States says to the head of the Federal Bureau of Investigation that he "demands loyalty" from him. Another something to think about for a minute. If you're a Trump supporter, skip ahead. Now, what if Obama or Clinton had even the hint of something like that? How do you think the Right Wing would react over that? Remember during the Dubya years (2001-2008) how liberals kept asking "What if a liberal tried to do that?" There was a reason, mind you! At the very least, Republicans on the floor of the House and the Senate would be saying "The American people elected a President, not a King." Well, now that the Republicans got Russia's pick in the White House, now they say "The American people elected a King, not a President." They also raise their chins, usually for official portraits, but mostly because it hides the jowls a little bit. Mitch McConnell still kinda looks like he's wearing a mask made from human flesh. You know, like at the end of The Silence of the Lambs, but not as bloody. So, that's where we are this week. We've got a president demanding loyalty from the head of the FBI, a president with connections to the mob, and we've got a rubber stamp Republican-controlled Congress willing to give this president everything he wants. Just as long as he gets two scoops, with everyone else at the table only getting one. It's kind of an interesting social experiment to watch, in a way. But don't forget. Both parties are just as bad. Oh, and people always say "Oh, but the Democrats are so weak! They always cave to the Republicans!" But other than that, they're completely the same.