Sunday, June 18, 2017

Auteur Watch - Rod Gailes

Well, it's really time to call me Cynical.  I've probably used and abused that opening already.  "You know, call me Cynical, but..."  Time to make it official, because I've got issues with you, the IMDb!  All these bios start the same way: "He or she is a writer and director known for..."  And then, they list three or four titles NO ONE'S EVER HEARD OF.  No one's heard of, or they just sound too generic, there's no reviews, there's nothing on YouTube... okay, there's one thing on YouTube.  With UNDER 100 VIEWS!!!!!
But, to be fair, Mr. Gailes has ventured out onto that silver screen.  Two features we know of: the first is 2008's Camouflage.  Alas, no external reviews, no IMDb user ratings, two of the actors have thumbnail pics... ONE OF WHICH is Rod Gailes.  The other feature is called 10 Things I Hate About You... sorry, that's Gil Junger's 1999 updating of the Shakespeare classic The Taming of the Shrew.  Don't even get me started on that... okay, first of all, how exactly do you go about taming a rodent?  The only instance I know of is the rats that were specially bred for Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade... you know, so they wouldn't bite anyone and give them the F... FRICKIN' PLAGUE!!!  And if you do actually tame a shrew, how long can you take that on the road before it just up and dies?  Six months?  Eleven?  What's the risk slash reward we're looking at here?  Just stick with a flea circus, because fleas never die.  Even if you squish them with a big flat rock... okay, that slows 'em down pretty good, but other than that, fleas are forever.  Fleas and diamonds.
Incidentally, there's a "10 Things I Hate About You" TV show... dang!  Two seasons?  Maybe the answer's in there someplace.  If your show's about to be cancelled, the shrew will suddenly find a sympathy groom.  Kinda move things along, you know.  No, Gailes' other feature for the multiplex was 6 Things I Never Told You.  Again, no external reviews, no IMDb user ratings... so you could possibly be the first!  Sign up today!  But more importantly, there's SIX directors!  Six short stories, six directors.  A modern, HD update of Aria, let's say.  Sometimes you just gota... gotta go with what you're good at.  If one feature film takes the wind out of your sails, just stick with the shorts.  Don't get fed up with the industry entire and flat out walk away!  ...although you might as well, if you're just doing shorts.

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