Sunday, June 25, 2017

The Sobchak-Bot is Back

...should I start with my Trump musings first?  Okay.  Whelp, so far so good.  Some keep speculating that Sean Spicer will be gone tomorrow, some say he'll stay for another four to eight years.  I think New Spicey's in this for the long haul!  This is God's work he's doing, after all.  Don't forget!  Also, the rumor that leaked that Trump was thinking of firing Mueller, the former head of the FBI that's now in charge of the investigation into Russia determining the outcome of our presidential election.  Now, if you're on Facebook and you're pro-Trump, you're of course thinking to yourself, show me some proof!  Well, I would... but you probably wouldn't believe it anyway.  Now, usually, when we the Little People who Shouldn't be in Charge of Big People Things, public or private sector, hear that Trump's thinking about doing something... BOOM!  Within a couple of days, said Trump Thoughts become World Facts... none spring to mind at the moment.  But I'm pretty sure that that's how it goes down in Trumpland and the real world.  I mean, it would be a sign of weakness otherwise, right?
But like the rest of you, I'm waiting to see those Trump tax returns.  You know, just to compare them to McCain's tax returns.  Trump's got at least eleven homes, right?  Unfortunately, those Trump tax returns are under some serious lock and key, and always will be, and there's nothing we can do about it.  Trump commands far too much respect amongst our intelligence community employees, the State Department, AND the IRS, which is why those documents will never see the light of day...
...nothing yet?  Okay.  Well, it must be true!  All these high-ranking government employees just love Trump too much!  As well as all the hackers in the world, and Trump's fellow business douchebags, because the truth would be far too devastating for the American people to handle.  Incidentally, ... ah, skip it.  Let's get to the real news of the week.  As predicted, the latest installment of the Transformers franchise is #1 this week.  Now, maybe I'm crazy, but there were a couple of ads that said that this one is the last "episode" or "chapter" or installment of the Transformers franchise.  On the other hand, this is the age of Trump, and alternative facts.  So, I go to Michael Bay's IMDb page and... BOOM!!!!  There's an entry here for Transformers 7... apparently, the cinematic experience is so powerful, we're just going to skip right over a sixth installment to get right to lucky seven.  Interesting bit of trivia about the latest Transformers movie: both John Goodman and Steve Buscemi were in Barton Fink.  However, they didn't have a scene together... which leads me to believe that they were both playing (two halves of) the same character, kinduva Fight Club type deal, if you will.
...and THAT'S IT!  The latest Transformers movie is the only debut this week.  Oh, and... stay tuned for a Transformers prequel as well.  That's right... it's just like "Better Call Saul," except that the entire cast will be selected by both Maxim and Cosmopolitan magazine... or maybe Marie Claire for the ladies?  Is Oxygen magazine still around?  I don't think they survived.  It was for those fitness enthusiasts who thought that Shape magazine wasn't skanky enough.  THAT one's still around, that I know for sure.
And that's it.  So I guess the only question now is, which films are going to turn a profit?  Too early to tell for Transformers; it's going to take more than one American weekend to do so, clearly.  It doesn't have the populist groundswell of, say, 2008's The Dark Knight.  Also too early for Cars 3.  But Wonder Woman looks like it's going to make a profit!  It's doing so well that Lynda Carter might actually want to appear in one of the upcoming Justice League movies. (Spoiler Alert: she wants to, but they haven't asked her yet.  Also, her demands are probably a little unreasonable.  I mean, a Costco fruit platter AND Fiji(TM) bottled water?  Puh-leeze.)  The indie-type hits 47 Meters Down, All Eyez on Me and Rough Night are all profitable.  Pirates of the Caribbean 5?  I'd start to sweat a little.  Tom Cruise's The Mummy?  I'd start to sweat a lot.  Captain Underpants is probably not profitable yet.  They'd like to at least get over 100 million domestically, which might not happen.  And finally, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 is so profitable, they've already begun work on installments three and four simultaneously.  You know, like the Matrix movies, and something before those!  They'd get them done faster, but they're still trying to figure out the soundtrack.  You know how it is.  Damn AMPAS!!!

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