Sunday, April 01, 2018

Whew! That Was Close.....

Not that I was worried, mind you.  I knew Spielberg would have a #1 hit again, and he will when the next installment of Indiana Jones comes out, of course.  The whole world will go to see that train wreck.  Unfortunately, he and Harrison Ford both promised George Lucas... now Disney... that they would do three more.  Two to go, guys!  Two left to go.  Meanwhile, Ready Player One is out and it's #1, and that's all that matters.  For Spielberg, though, at this point in his career, he just likes the little ironic moments, such as including a nod in his movie to Back to the Future, probably his favourite production he ever did, and not just because it got John Milius officially off his back.  Mark Rylance is probably not going to get an Oscar(TM)(R)(C) nomination for this, though.  Just sayin'.
But that's the secular world.  Meanwhile, back at the lab, the world of Christian cinema is still riding high, but they'd prefer to be riding a little higher.  One toke, you poor fool!  Alas, Tyler Perry doesn't have quite the populist touch he had ten years ago, but he did deign to take time off from writing and producing his fifty or so sitcoms for TBS to do a little pet project of his.  It was at the bottom of the pile of screenplays in his drawer.  Sometimes the good stuff's at the bottom of the pile.  Well, you know what?  He picked up that screenplay, started to read and... three days later he emerged for a cup of coffee, leaving an ass print in his chair cushion that still hasn't budged!  And that was six months ago when principal photography first started!  Sure, he sent the script to Michael Chabon and the Frank Pierson Estate for rewrites, changed the title six times, but still!  What a find at the bottom of the screenplay pile.  And so, Acrimony... scratch that, Tyler Perry's Acrimony comes in second place, non-derogatory canine bitch!  And just as the new season of "Empire" is about to kick off.  Couldn't have timed it better.  Probably could've advertised it better so it would make more money, but hindsight is 20/20, and turnabout is fair play.  See, this is why I never got anywhere in life; I didn't use the phrase "turnabout is fair play" during my ill-spent childhood... just looking at Forest Whitaker's IMDb Top 4.  Boy, but I must be really out of touch.  Ghost Dog: The Way of the Samurai isn't in his top 4, but Battlefield Earth is?  Wow.
So audiences and critics were disappointed with Tyler's latest.  Why, even is reviewing his stuff again!  Lord help them if they ever stop attending at all.  I mean, if Kim Kardashian wasn't the last straw, what would be?  Also, Tyler decided to venture past 'PG-13' territory into the much hated and or coveted 'R'.  Maybe that also turned audiences off a bit.  They prefer Madea at 'PG-13' levels, thank you very much.  Over at, they also had a review of the much-advertised latest installment of something called God's Not Dead.  My inside-the-beltway sources tell me that this is the third installment of the franchise.  If this keeps up, this "God" character just might turn into the next Freddy Krueger or Jason Voorhees!  Talk about God-like!  They keep getting resurrected, don't they?  And not just because people put their DVDs in to watch, either.
...and that's it for the debuts this week!  Because that's how a blockbuster does it: it keeps new entrants from entering the marketplace that week... but given the low numbers, maybe it's just a slow week.  Or maybe no one wants to go to a studio head and say that they opened against Spielberg and posted big numbers in order to get their next project green-lit.  "You FOOL!  Why did you DO that?"

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