Mock... Yeah... Ing... Yeah... Jay.... Yeah.... Yeah, yeah, yeah.....................

Awkward!!!  Ah, big deal.  So the studio head didn't think you'd be a good director.  Does that come as a total shock, Angelina?  Anyway, while we're still enjoying the fruits of the Sony hackers' labours, the mundane business of surveying the train wreck that is the weekly box office continues.  This week?  In a word?  Numbers.  Numbers, numbers, numbers.  Big Hero 6, Horrible Bosses 2, Dumb and Dumber To, Mockingjay, Part 1, and of course at #1, it's Exodus 24:50... something like that.  The god of septuagenarian film directors, Ridley Scott, does it again with the latest retelling of the story of Moses.  Eat it, Lionel Chetwynd.  Ridley's also taking a page from the book of Woody Allen and using the same font from Prometheus for the promos for Exodus.  Nice touch!
Speaking of numbers, Chris Rock is back in the top 10 with his latest writer-director effort called... wait for it... Top Five, a thinly autobiographical effort with a daring cast.  I mean... Rosario Dawson?  Gabrielle Union?  Are they still hot?  Still, always nice to see J.B. Smoove, of course, or is it wrong to say that?  A little down time between seasons of Curb Your Enthusiasm.
The only other debut this week is the latest movie with the word "wild" in the title.  I mean, we've been through The Wild, Wild America... actually, we should probably skip that one.  It's called simply Wild and it seems to be what Kim Basinger was to I Dreamed of Africa, only more profitable.  Also it's thematically kind of a victory lap for Reese Witherspoon, an in-theme-only sequel to A Far Off Place, if you will... no one?  Just me?  Well, NEVER MIND, THEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Next Tom and Jerry: Josie and the Pussycats.... I mean, Jerry and the Goldfish

So what would it be like if the mouse had a pet?  That's basically the conceit of Jerry and the Goldfish and, as much as I hate to admit it, I'm uncomfortable with this relationship.  I don't know why, but I just am.  And if you watch this cartoon, pretty soon you'll realize that the fish just might be as well!

ACT ONE

We start with the fish snoring away in its bowl... do fish sleep?  Can they even close their eyes?  Hmm.  So many questions.  I guess ichthyology just wasn't in the cards for me.  And then... the mouse shows up, looking excitedly at the fish bowl.  Too weird for me.  Usually the cat does that.  Usually the mouse is just minding its own mouse business, but clearly he's out looking for trouble now.  Jerry taps on the glass and wakes up the fish.  The fish swims around in small circles.  Jerry breaks off a hunk of the disc he's carrying and throws it in the air over the bowl.  The fish leaps up like some kind of trained dolphin or a Pavlovian sea monkey and grabs the bit of food.  Now, this is how dumb I am.  I'm assumpting that it's a piece of cheese... or is it?  Is it a) cheese, b) a slice of banana, or c) some kind of cracker?  There's arguments for each, of course.  It's probably cheese, but why would he slice the cheese like that?  Or is it some kind of pre-Ritz cracker?  After all, the mouse hands the rest of it to the fish, and the fish dunks it in the water.  Why would the fish do that with a bit of cheese?  And banana, well... you'd think that that would be the easiest for the fish to digest.
After the food has been eaten, Jerry pats the glass and the fish rubs up against the fish bowl at that spot.  See what I mean?  Jerry's pet fish.  Just plain wrong.
Cross-fade to Tom, who's listening to the radio.  See, I'm uncomfortable with this relationship, too... or am I?  After all, the radio did warn Tom about that lion in that one... let me check the box here... Jerry and the Lion, it's called.  In three weeks, Jerry's Cousin.  You know, the one from the country with the stutter.  Sheesh.  Anyway, back to the radio: teacher, mother, secret lover.  This ought to eat up some time!

ACT TWO

And so, at a mere 1:56, Inception is complete.  No need for fancy dream-invading hardware here!  One ordinary recipe, and the cat is hooked.  Fish is on the menu.  If you're in the right mood for it, the perfect setup.  If not, it's still the classical dramatic structure: one party wants the fish for long-term friendship, the other for short-term gastronomical gain.  Short-term doesn't deserve to win, for some reason.  Better broaden the moral base of this proverbial Herbrand universe.
And so, the cat is off and running, expending energy.  Energy is force used to perform work.  Work is a series of tasks to achieve a goal... I'm ready for that PhD test after all!  Sorry, I'll try to focus now.  Tom slinks up the chair, disappears behind the arm rest, then his head pops up from behind said arm rest.  Look at that mischievous grin on his face!  Surely Chuck Jones did the animation!  I'm reminded of his Grinch cartoon.
Cut to the sleeping fish.  Spoiler alert: the fish bowl is resting on a table.  And yet... a few seconds later, the table starts to move!  GENIUS!  Visual genius!  Another spoiler alert: the table gets turned visually on the cat at the end of the pic.  Surely Kubrick directed this cartoon!  Anyway, back to the action.  Staying committed to the visual gag, Tom carries the table all the way to the kitchen, then slides the bowl onto the oven range, then turns up the heat.  Diabolical.  Tom licks his over-salivated chops, then proceeds to get the other mundane vegetable ingredients of the radio recipe.  I'm reminded of Eric Idle's fish-feeding sketch for some reason.  Of course, he did it on both Monty Python, and Saturday Night Live, Lorne Michaels' answer to Monty Python.  How does Lorne sleep at night?
Tom chops up some carrots, and the carrot discs hit the poor fish on the head.  See, this is one of the joys of cartoons.  You try something like that in real life, and boom.  Several government agencies and non-profits are all up in your grill in particular, and the general public in general is probably in disgust at you.  Tom stirs the fish bowl water with a spoon and takes a sip.  Even the fish's dirty water tastes good!  Well, store-bought fish somehow doesn't excite the palate as much.
And then... FINALLY.  Jerry shows up, but he's just meandering along at the pace of Jones.  But when he deigns to look up, FINALLY he's in shock.  Good Lord.  The fish is half way to death's door already!  Well, Tom... I mean, Jerry springs into action.  Why, he opens up the oven door, kicks Tom inside and slams the door upon that mean ol' cat.  Meanwhile, the fish and bowl are still on that burning oven!  Do they want to kill that fish?  Do they?
Next scene: Jerry's carrying the bowl out of the kitchen.  FINALLY!!!  The fish is on the road to recovery.  Boy!  So not only is the mouse super-strong, but its hands are super-insulated, or maybe he cooled off the bowl somehow.  Wouldn't it be hot?  Or maybe it's like how Michael Caine was suddenly dry when getting out of the water in Jaws the Revenge... I'm sorry, that's Jaws: The Revenge.  Gotta make sure I get that right... this is a blog, after all!
But despite Jerry's best efforts, that fishbowl is too cumbersome and too prized.  Tom the Raging Foodie cuts Jerry off at the pass, so to speak.  And by pass, I mean the other end of the kitchen, where he waits for Jerry to pass with the bowl.  Jerry keeps running, holding his hands up, not realizing the bowl's gone.  The mouse is slipping, I tells ya!  He's losing it!  Or maybe he doesn't care about that fish as much as he thought!  That's my take on it.  But the mouse does indeed make up for lost time.  How, you might ask?  How else?  The mouse gets a baseball bat and hits the cat in the legs with it.  Unfortunately, FOR THE FISH, Tom drops the bowl on the ground, and the fish and the water go flying high up into the air.  Boy!  Tall ceiling.  On the plus side, the fish bowl doesn't break.  Well, on the instant replay, the bowl moves as though it's made of Jell-O when it hits the ground, so there's something going on there.
Acting quickly, the mouse picks up a drinking glass, and catches some of the water in it, and then the fish.  I'm telling you, darlings, this is clearly an abusive relationship.  That fish needs to get the hell out of there.
And so, in the cat and mouse's endless game of rock-paper-scissors, Jerry heads for that hole in the wall, but at the last second, steps to the left instead, and the cat crashes head first into the wall.  The cat lays unconscious... but is blocking the hole in the wall with its giant head!  Fortunately, the cat is positioned so that the mouse can carry the glass with the fish in it through the cat's head via its ears.  We see them make their getaway through the cat's eyes.  Notice that the mouse's hole in the wall is now tall enough to accommodate the drinking glass.  I smell a rat.  The cat wakes up, looks angrily at the hole, then disappears to come up with a devious new strategy.

ACT TWO AND A HALF

The coast is clear.  The mouse's face lights up when it sees the empty fish bowl in place on the table.  Somehow that doesn't seem like it should be the goal at this point, but never mind.  Oh, The Movie Hooligan, searching for logic in a child's cartoon.  A fool's errand.  And so, the mouse quickly runs with the glass with the fish in it over to the bowl.  Jerry pushes the glass as close to the fish bowl as he can.  The fish climbs up out of the glass and jumps back into the fish bowl... almost.  Yup, there's Tom with a skillet.  The fish lands in the skillet with a couple of tiny thuds, and Tom takes off for the kitchen again.  I can't think of a finer babysitter for our kids than this cartoon.  Well, it can't all be Sesame Street, right?  Sesame Street doesn't teach you street fighting tactics, does it?  Does it encourage strategy and emotional intelligence?  The world has too many Toms in it, and they're winning.
Tom's getting a little savvier in his cooking, too.  Tom dips the fish in flour and puts it back in the skillet.  But Jerry's close behind this time!  Tom throws the fish into the air, and where it lands, he does care this time, and he catches the fish in his mouth.  Well, Jerry takes that skillet and bashes Tom right in the face with it.  When the skillet is removed, we see Tom's frozen expression on his face, and those giant un-cat-like teeth!  But even the gag writers get tired of the same old broken fragments of teeth falling out, so this time Jerry opens the teeth as though they're Venetian blinds.  The fish climbs out, but at least it's not wearing any flour anymore!  Back into Jerry's temporary glass and on the run they go again.  Reminds me of the time I read about how salmon are carried in trucks in order to get them up the Columbia river... or is it down?  I guess it's a two-way trip.  Sorry, fish, us smart people own the river now.  Kinda glad I'm not an engineer.
Jerry's got a tea cup with a big red stripe this time.  You know, so the fish has some room to stretch out, and cling to the rim of the glass and watch as the cat chases them.  And chase Tom does, but he doesn't seem to be giving it his full effort.  It's almost as if he's not too anxious to catch the fish!  And after the various beatings the mouse has given them, I don't blame him.  But he shows his resoluteness in a different way this time.  After bashing into the radiator, why, that crazy cat climbs right through the damn thing and crawls out the other side of it shaped like an accordion... a radiator-shaped accordion.  And by God, he was rich!  And then, after smashing into the mouse hole, why, he climbs right through that hole and follows Jerry and the fish around inside the walls.  We have to imagine that part.  I guess Tom's getting so emaciated from a lack of food that he's able to do that now.  Anyway, he pops out the other side of that mouse hole, because Jerry's got two entrances to the wall.  Tom ends up shaped like a long arch-shaped loaf of bread, but he did it.  He went into that wall at 17, and came out at 21 with a fist full of diamonds.  And by God, he was rich!!!  (still need the link?  All right, here it is....)
And so, Tom keeps chasing while holding his ridiculous new shape, so unsuitable for either long-distance running or short-distance sprinting.  Go figure.  Jerry has to put a stop to this madness, so he picks up an iron and holds it proudly.  Frankly, I can't blame him.  If I were a mouse that could lift a heavy iron, I'd be kinda proud, too!  And, indeed, Tom smashes right into it, as though it were pre-ordained somehow, but this is one iron that he's not going to crawl through and pop out the other side.  But his face is iron-shaped now!  Reminds me of that Brian Regan special we just saw.  GENIUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well, Tom wasn't able to go through that iron, but he exits Stage Right in a rather gooey fashion as though he were going through the wall or the radiator again.  This time, he's heading for a gun on the mantle.  Like all crazy white people, the owners of the house keep two loaded handguns over the fireplace.  You know, in case the fire ever gets out of control.  What could possibly go wrong?  Tom aims and fires.  Now, he misses the mouse, but he does shatter the glass, thereby liberating the fish from another one of Jerry's fiendish rescue attempts.  Foodie Tom triumphs again.  And once again, Jerry notices much later than he should have that the fish is gone.  That fish needs to find new friends.
To Jerry's horror, Tom is now roasting the fish over an open fire in one of those ... you know, those things you hold a fish in when you're cooking it outdoors... do people even use those anymore?  Man, this cartoon is exhausting me!  Reviewing cartoons is a young man's game.  Anyway, the mighty mouse manages to drop a giant brown kettle over the cat, then hits the kettle with a fireplace prodder, causing the kettle to vibrate like a bell.  Incidentally, what's brown and sounds like a bell?.... oh, right, you have to pay for Python on the YouTubes... or do you?  Tee hee hee...
Well, this move bought Jerry a couple seconds, and to add more insult to injury, he's got no glass to carry the fish in this time.  Jerry heads down a long corridor.  Tom stops at the end of it.  Now, sure, Tom could just run after the mouse and fish, but he's tried that already in this picture.  Time to D.Q. Something Different... this is insane.  YouTube is insane!!!!!  Anyway, time to take a page from Heavenly Puss.  With no piano in sight, and a completely level stretch of ground, time to snap the carpet again.... AND THEY'RE OFFFF!!!!!  Jerry and Fish in the lead, but Loop in the Carpet is gaining fast.  Loop is two lengths behind, Jerry and Fish are trying to stay ahead and... oh, it was over before it began!  Jerry is down and the fish is flying through the air with the greatest of ease once again... or, actually, I should phrase it once again like this: the fish flies through the air, and where it lands we know not where.  Somewhere different, hopefully!  And... spoiler alert... HUZZAH!  Into the toaster.  Well, it's still less cruel than Two Gophers from Texas.  Arguably, not by much!  It's a quick toast, as the fish pops up after about five seconds or so, and Tom's got the fish in the bread!  His only mistake was that he took too long admiring his handiwork, giving Jerry enough time to stick Tom's tail in the wringer.  That's because Tom is clearly not a real cat.  Any time I try to tie my cat's tail to anything, well, she's biting my wrist that second, and frankly, deservedly so.  Thank goodness for me she hasn't figured out how to sever the artery yet!  Tom screams like a human and grabs on to the toaster.  Oh good!  Maybe he'll get shocked to death... nah, he and the toaster end up flat on the floor.  But the orchestra seems sympathetic to Tom's new dimensional crisis.

ACT THREE

It appears that Jerry has decided that the fish bowl is no longer a haven that is safe... duh, ya think so?  And so it's back to the hole in the wall.  Alas, Tom is ready once again!  This time he's got a steamer with locking lid.  Once the long-suffering fish is within, on with the lid and back over to the oven.  But just before that... diabolical.  The cat's a quick learner!  Tom drags a dresser over and places it in front of the mouse hole.  Boy!  Good thing this is the Third Act.  If it were the Second, it would mean that in the Third Act, Tom would either a) kill Jerry and eat the fish in peace, or b) tie Jerry up somewhere near the oven and make him watch as he finally cooks the fish and eats it.  I guess mouse meat doesn't go well with fish, as that would be the c) option.
Jerry tries to push on the obstruction in front of his mouse hole, but it's no use.  There must be another way out.  Well, mass electrification of the homes of average citizens was still relatively new, so Jerry climbs into the socket and finds his way out that way... thereby creating the premise for Shocker.  Well, not everything can spawn so many sequels and Saturday morning cartoon shows.
And so, with similar determination that the cat showed earlier, Jerry jams himself into the socket, squeezes all the way through, and finds his way to the kitchen, where the cooking is underway.  But now that victory is complete (premature actually, of course), why not take the time to dice up some more vegetables?  The ones from before found their way out of the fish bowl, and frankly just outright disappeared completely.
Now, this is the Third Act, which in cartoons usually means that it's time for the heavy explosives... a lot of 'em.  But this is a delicate exfil operation, so finesse is called for, and even though the mouse has the strength of ten men, he's only got one stick of dynamite to work with.  Now, in cartoons, dynamite sticks are typically red in nature, but again, a subtle operation, and so Jerry's stick of dynamite is called orange.  Boy, you really can get anything at that Acme store!  And so, Jerry makes the swap, trading a carrot for the orange dynamite stick.  GINIUS!!!!!  Ginius, I spells ya.
And so, in more blatant plot devices, the cat has removed the fish from the boiling water and is now sitting on it.  You know, so he can add the sliced vegetables.  Oh well, we've all been that excited before.  You're on your way to the motel to get it on with your slutty co-worker... you're bound to drop your car keys at least once.  And so, the mouse doesn't have to create a distraction or unlock and open the steamer pot himself to save the fish.  No, it's a simple swap, really: Jerry does a quick exfil of the fish and replaces said fish with Tom's own tail.  Again, a real life cat would notice this right away.  Tom quickly picks up the stick of dynamite and slices it up like he's Mario Batali or something, and he just as quickly sticks his own tail into the pot and locks the lid on it.  Well, that's how it happens, you know.  You're more likely to lock yourself out of your car if you're in a rush than, say... not in a rush.  Right, Oscar Wilde?
The marching red pain travels up Tom's tail slowly this time, apparently because it's heat-based and not, say, the usual electricity or a flood of angry neurons alerting Tom's brain that his ass has been stabbed with... whatever.  An olive fork, let's say.  Tom screams like a man in pain and starts running around.  It's assumed that Jerry and his pet fish are out of harm's way.  And in even more blatant plot devices, Tom doesn't think to unlock the steamer from his tail.  The pain's just that urgent and great... bad great, that is.  Sensing that the steamer's about to explode, it's all Tom can do to get the front door between he and the raging pot.  Tom crouches on the other side of the door, and boom.
Tom pulls on his tail and... free!  A little charred, but free!  But wait... what's that loud whistling noise?  Plus, it seems kind of windy out here on the porch.  Notice how tight the shot is on Tom and the door and the porch.  We pull back ever so slightly and... GINIUS!!!  MORE GENUIS, I TELLS YA!!!!
Also, brilliance x 2.  Everything seems okay... kinda like a relaxing Kevin Costner at the beginning of A Perfect World.  When in fact, Tom is now headed away from the Earth.  And the animators have gone to the trouble of actually animating the Earth falling away this time, and not merely relying on a single picture of the Earth and using the zoom lens to pull back or, more likely, the arm of the animation stand to raise the camera up....................

EPILOGUE

Alas, what has become of the cat is far too gruesome to show, so let's just go to the two tiny victors in this scenario.  The explosion from that one carrot-colored stick of dynamite was powerful enough to send the cat into orbit, yet the fish and mouse remain unharmed.  More plot device.  Well, that's the risk you take in comedy or, in this case, drama: it's an ever-escalating arms race between the plot holes and the vehicles you try to drive through them.  But it would seem that the fish and mouse are unharmed and, more importantly, relieved that they have removed from their world their biggest, most aggressive enemy.  It is now a time of peace, as there are no new enemies on the horizon but themselves and government agents... and the realtor and the milkman, what have you.  Thankfully, the animators are bad at drawing people.  And, why look!  The mouse is now swimming around in the dirty water with the little fish!  No more patronizing pats on the glass.  Equanimity achieved.  Still, if I were that fish, I'd try to hop on the first train out of town and get the hell away from that little bastard of a mouse.  That mouse is nothing but trouble, and a little unreliable in times when there's a life and death crisis every thirty seconds.

Good triple bill with: Fin 'n Catty and Pinknic

***
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

In the Navy Again, Pt. III: Braddock's Pre-venge

Ran out of time again.  Welp, I'm fresh from bombing my final, so time to get back to work.  Our next Popeye short is called Fleets of Stren'th... just wanted to make sure I was misspelling that right.

ACT ONE

It's a clash of icons as we find Popeye swabbing the deck and reading the "funny papers."  Why, I'd hardly call Superman the funny papers, and I'm not even a frothing-at-the-mouth comic book nerd!  No, even though the Fleischers did both Popeye and Superman cartoons, Superman is nothing to joke about.  Just ask Seinfeld, the Superman of stand-up comedy!  Anyway, the upper brass interrupt Popeye's work, and Popeye stands at attention after folding up the funny papers with his shoe'd feet.  Boy, you wanna talk about yer Mumblecore!  Popeye invented mumblecore, I tells ya!
And so, once again we find Popeye trying to fit in as just another cog in the giant machinery of the Navy.  But for now, gravity is on Popeye's side.  He's ordered to put a bomb into a "mosquito boat"... let's see if Wikipedia's got it... meh, close enough.  Dayamn, that's a long-ass link!  Hope it woiks.  For now, gravity is on Popeye's side, as he does that thing again where he drops the bomb onto the boat, then runs down to catch it.  Probably won't be the last time.  The time he ran down several flights of stairs to catch a piano was used once in one of them compilation cartoons, so he's done this at least twice before.  Kind of a cartoon tradition, actually.  Popeye's commanding officer is more horrified than anything.  The gravity of the sea helps Popeye try to lighten up the mood of that cranky old sea salt.  But that Bolshy great burly bastid can't help but lecture Popeye about "discipline."  This guy don't know Popeye very well, do he?  He'll probably end up pinning medals on Popeye's uniform by the end of this thing.  Gut feeling, mind you.  I don't actually know yet.
Now, as the commentary might tell you... oh wait, this one doesn't have any.  Big surprise.  But for fans of these Popeye cartoons, especially the ones from the 1950s, there's an important part in our instant case, Fleets of Stren'th, and it happens at about 1:43.  Popeye, in a rare state of nervousness, makes a gulping noise.  Make a note of this gulping noise, because I think it's the same gulping noise that is used in every '50s-era Popeye cartoon... and I mean, literally, every '50s-era Popeye cartoon.  No more time or budget for artistical touches in these things anymore.  This is the television era, where maniacs like Rod Daniel and Gene Deitch flourish and multiply.  Kinda like what YouTube's doing now!  I swear, they get away with more murder than Napster or Kazaa ever did.

ACT TWO

Worse than that, Popeye's now eating the Stooges' dust!  Popeye's C.O. gives a string of orders reminiscent of a scene from Boobs in Arms and its remake, Dizzy Pilots.  And then... boy!  That was quick!  The enemy's already attacking by air!  The filmmakers have more fun with implied obscenity.  "Blow that ..... out of the sky!" screams the C.O.  See, bombs explode when the guy swears.  So, plot-wise, this looks to be the same old thing, but I think there's maybe just enough to merit this some attention.  After all, check out this wicked visual here... is this not the inspiration for the big action sequence in Hitchcock's North by Northwest?  I think so... even though I'm probably alone on that.  That the plane makes Popeye rock back and forth is just icing on the cake... or is it?  Has the Navy finally turned Popeye into an automaton drone?
Popeye keeps standing at attention and gets rattled around some more, but in a perfect circle at least, and then... after surviving a direct hit, Popeye ends on the very tip-top of the ship's highest sail... I thought this was a battleship!  Do battleships have sails too?  Anyway, now that the deck's all chewed up, Popeye's given some room to swing a few cats.  "GET THAT PLANE!" the C.O. cries, and Popeye gets a spring in his step after that.  "Aye aye, sir!  He's as good as got!" quips Popeye, then springs into action, commandeering the skeeter boat from earlier.  Apparently, Popeye's reputation from the earlier two navy cartoons persists after all. 
At this point, the waves start to turn on Popeye.  Don't want to end this picture too quickly, now!  To make matters worse, Popeye's aim at the planes is about as good as the square-jawed supermen already firing guns on the battleship proper.  Not hitting a damn thing.  The one plane was apparently the reconnaissance plane, so it heads back to its mother carrier and waves for the other planes to attack.  They end up physically harrassing Popeye in various insulting ways.  That's right, folks... this has turned into an Adam Sandler picture.  The planes hit Popeye upon his head with their tails, they flap their rudders in Popeye's face, and the one plane uses its propellors to twist Popeye all up!  Could be worse, I suppose.  After all, there's that dude in Raiders of the Lost Ark who got ground up by that plane propellor.
And then... one of the planes scoops up Popeye's boat, just like the time that giant bird picked him up in Sindbad the Sailor.  The plane grinds up the boat with its hands... I mean, landing gear... it's a visual gag... and then, Popeye and his rubble drop into the ocean. 

ACT THREE

Popeye must be stuck in the two dimensions again.  He's stuck between a rock and a hard place, and by that I mean he's got two bombs cruising along the top of the water at him: the first one from Stage Right, the second from Stage Left.  The bombs are leaving little curly-cue trails in the water behind them that look like the frosting on Hostess cup cakes... dang, I must be hungry.  Oh, it's so spinach time... but Popeye can't open the can!  Popeye drops below the water level just before the two bombs hit each other.  After the massive ensuing explosion,... well, there's a damn good reason that we're looking at the sky and traveling upwards.  After the flying water disappears, we see Popeye flying up into the air as he does on occasion... correction: we see Popeye's pipe first, then Popeye catches up to it.  The poor guy's on the plane's turf now!  A plane starts shooting its machine gun at him... I'm surprised we haven't seen any racist caricatures of any Axis players yet.  Nope, apparently the enemy has planes that fly themselves.  Now, you could probably guess this one, but Popeye lets the machine gun fire open up this pesky spinach can, and open it does.  A quick gulp of spinach and... damn!  That same noise!  I'm telling you, darling... once they had that gulping sound, there was no turning back.  They'll probably use it on the rest of this DVD, too.  Also, there's no more peering into the crystal ball of Popeye's giant arm muscles to see the strength within.  Now Popeye morphs into the different objects himself, as spinach has given him the stren'th of twenty planes.  It's Popeye's turn to beat up the planes.  Take that, O'Doyles of the world!  ...okay, there's one pilot.  Popeye hands the enemy pilot his own damn propellor just before that Nazi bastid plummets into the ocean.
But wait!  There's a fresh crop of planes flying off that emeny carrier!  Well, after doing some fancy bomb juggling, Popeye just threw three bombs back at the planes dropping them, and now he's got one left.  What better way to end than with a bowling gag?  Popeye winds up and chucks that bomb at the oncoming planes, and they just happen to be lined up in bowling pin form.  You'll never guess what happens.  Never in a million years.

EPILOGUE

Rather than the pomp and circumcision of... circumstance of a medal ceremony, ever the populist and symbol of American interventionism, Popeye ends up sailing the beaten enemy carrier back towards land.  And yes, those are makeshift tears coming out of the "eyes" of the broken battleship, which I think are supposed to be the eyelets for the ship's anchors?  Maybe just the sweet windows to have, probably for the C.O.'s.  You're still strong to the finich, you crazy, one-eyed bastid.

***
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

Auteur Watch - Shari L. Carpenter

Alas, if you take a look at Shari's IMDb page, it might be a while before she's known for anything she's directed herself.  All those high-profile projects with Spike Lee and/or Denzel?  (sucks teeth)  Surely there's a way to get to Spielberg!  I'd try the American Gangster connection.  So, we go...

worked on American Gangster directed by Ridley Scott,
who directed Matchstick Men, produced by about twenty different people, including Robert Zemeckis
who... well, the trail runs cold after that.  But on the bright side, I didn't need my software to figure that out!  My computer's just not as "movie smart" as I am, tee hee hee.

The Next Christmas Ever

Once again it's Mockingjay this and Mockingjay that... but Jimmy Fallon's the host now!  Even Gone Girl is still hanging in there at #8, so there's only one debut this week, called The Pyramid, and my first hunch was right.  It's either the latest greatest horror pic, or it's a documentary about that long-lived game show.  I guess the national movie docket was too full around Halloween time to release all the B-grade horror pics out there waiting... ooh!  Almost forgot.  The other big news all over facebook is that a movie called Saving Christmas achieved a status that the filmmakers probably weren't hoping for: the #1 worst movie on the Internet Movie Database!!  See, The Onion?  The IMDb's not all bad!  There's useful information there!  Of course, at the wrap party, they had all the cast and crew probably vote for the movie, and either they coordinated to have everyone give the movie a zero or a one, or the cast and crew just really hated the experience of making it just that much.  Someone may put the Christ back in Christmas, but for now it's "Christ, I don't ever want to work with Kirk Cameron again!"
But it just goes to show you how tastes change, even amongst the worst movies.  I mean, for a long while now the epic From Justin to Kelly was at #1, but alas, it's risen to a mediocre 23rd on the list.  Plus, it's got kitsch value, as it's Kelly Clarkson's proverbial Crossroads.  Then of course, there's the Ed Wood-ish Manos: The Hands of Fate that was at #1 for a while, but people want a fresh bad movie, not something even your father never watched.  Then there's The Shawshank Redemption... oh, right, that's at the other end of the spectrum.  Man, I can only hope that my stay in prison is just as cinematic.

Short Reviews - December 2014

"Homeland" - The next new series to get addicted to.  Why, we ordered Showtime just for that!  And of course to catch up on all those great Paramount movies we've been missing out on, like A Night at the Roxbury.  Sheeeeesh... Anyway, I saw cinematographer David Klein's name in the credits.  A fitting choice, I thought to myself, because after working with Kevin Smith for the last sixteen years, if there's one thing Klein knows about... it's torture.

Block Party - A little unsolicited career advice for Dave Chappelle.  I just saw him on Dave Letterman and, even though Letterman's retiring soon, I have a feeling the question will persist, those nagging questions... why?  Why did you walk away from $50 million?  Perhaps the best thing to do... well, I don't know exactly.  All I know is it's gotta be big, and it's gotta be profitable.  And once that happens... poof!  Questions gone.  Dave Chappelle is back and better than ever, enjoying the Second Act of his career.  Can you do a good Samuel L. Jackson impersonation?  Or maybe do Blue Streak 2 and do that scene in drag!  Just kidding... now, first of all, if you watch the mash-up at the end, some of those scenes aren't even women characters!  One is Chris Tucker from The Fifth Element and he was just flamboyant... anyone remember what he does to the one stewardess?  PG-13, my ass!  And the two gay characters from In Living Color ARE GAY MEN!!!  I say Dave Chappelle wasn't crazy at all!  That $50 mill comes with a price.

Bewitched (2005) - Directed by Nora Ephron, the Nicole Kidman character at one point is talking on the phone and, confused by what the person on the other line meant, says "You're right.  He is a great big male reproductive organ!"

Heartburn - Based on the best-selling novel by Nora Ephron about how she was married to a great big male reproductive organ

Chappie - Available through Hammacher Schlemmer

So I Married an Axe Murderer - I said Hammacher Schlemmer!!!

The Producers (2005) - Started watching it and... I dunno.  I mean, I love Nathan Lane and Ferris Bueller and all, and I'm happy for Mel Brooks that it swept the Tonys and what not, but it's still the 1968 original version or nothin' for me.

Inherent Vice - Paul Thomas Anderson decides to leave the writing aspect of writing/directing aside for a while.  Probably for the best.  I guess The Master did better than I thought!

Saving Christmas - Christmas is f... screwed.

Wild West Comedy Show: 30 Days & 30 Nights - Hollywood to the Heartland - Oh my God... this is Vince Vaughn's Madonna: Truth or Dare!

"The Affair" - I hate to say it, but I think Maura Tierney's getting typecast again as the long-suffering wife who just can't believe what's going on around her!  Well, some people were just bourne to play certain types of roles.  That's her specialty.

Jobs - The truth shall set you free, Sony!  Frankly, I think your employees are kinder to Adam Sandler's movies than, say, I am.  As for David Fincher, well, I think he can take some comfort in knowing that people want him to do stuff... but the Steve Jobs bio-pic?  Seriously?  Well, it's like Donald Rumsfeld's war, I suppose.  You go into principal photography with the director you have, not necessarily the director you'd like to have, what have you.  And how far down the food chain did they have to go from Fincher?  Well, as great as Swing Vote must have been...

The Longshot - Tim Conway's The Big Lebowski.  But even I have to admit... I once heard that Tim wrote the script for this over a weekend, or something like that.  Aspiring screenwriters... take that extra thirty minutes or so to polish up your screenplay.  You'd be surprised what you find!

The Woman in Black 2: Angle of Death - They left off the best part of the title in the TV spots!  Obviously it's yet another adaptation of Flatland, where all women are, of course, death in one form or another. What a timeless and spaceless classic.

"Seasons of Love" - Richard Portnow is the coolest patriarch ever!!!  Take that, Big Daddy!

The Big Country - Incidentally... Burl Ives won the Oscar for this, but really, it was actually for Cat on a Hot Tin Roof.

The Angriest Man in Brooklyn - I'm just listening to it here in the next room, but it seems to be living up to its title!

Grandma's Boy - A timeless classic... I mean, the 1922 Harold Lloyd short, not the 2006 Adam Sandler abomination.  Frankly, I think the Estate of Harold Lloyd should sue.

The Code Conspiracy - The only conspiracy here is the one that made Mr. Whetstone decide to leave showbiz on a high note, and never direct another movie ever again.  Get thee back to the church, you male crone!

Gentlemen Prefer Blondes - They paired Marilyn up with a nerd to give us mere mortals a self-confidence boost.  Poor Marilyn!

My Week with Marilyn - More salt in the wound

The Wolf of Wall Street - I dunno... didn't there used to be an NC-17 rating?  Oh well.  They'll really have to cut this down to show it on TBS, etc.

Cage - Starring Nicolas Rage.  I mean...

Rage - Starring Nicolas Cage

Farewell, My Queen - Starring half the cast of Inglourious Basterds.  I'm telling you, this Léa Seydoux is going places!  She's the French Ellen Page!

Please Don't Eat The Daisies - GONNA GIT THEM KERR BOYS AND THEIR PAPER BAGS FULL OF WATER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Unsinkable Molly Brown - Well, I tell you one thing: they sure couldn't get away today with filming an infant crawling out of a river!  And second, well... Molly's a raging aphorist, and for me personally, not terribly likable.  I'm glad it worked out well for Debbie Reynolds and all, of course.

Ticket to the Circus - ...oh my God.  Catherine Keener HAS A SISTER????!!!!!!!!!!!!

Back to the Future, Part II - Welp, there it is.  If you were on Facebook today, you may have seen the "headline" about this movie, and all the predictions for 2015 that it got wrong.  Okay, sure, we don't have self-tying shoes or flying cars, thank God, or even Hoverboards, engine-powered and non.  Besides, they don't work on water anyway!  Wouldn't that be half of the point?  And sure, we're not going to the movies to see Jaws 19, and the alleys aren't lined with old laserdiscs; people are loathe to throw them out for some reason.  But I'll tell you one thing the film definitely got right... seems like every time we elect Republicans to the White House, we end up living in that alternate 1985, where Biff Tannen is lording over an American barter economy with his giant theme hotel, where tanks are rolling through downtown Hill Valley, where libraries and schools are boarded up, what have you.  But I'm nothing if not an optimist, and I'm going to wait until January 2016 for the flying cars.

Gimme Shelter - ....WHY ARE WE FIGHTING?  WHY ARE WE FIGHTING?  ALL I CAN DO IS ASK YOU NICELY YET AGAIN..........

Doubling Down on Troilus and Cressida

Our next Tom and Jerry cartoon is called Tom and Jerry in The Hollywood Bowl... whew!  Wotta moniker.  And if you're feeling a bit cynical on this, the day after Thanksgiving... yup, it's a virtual remake of The Cat Concerto.  It's the same old Hollywood story: when you have a success like The Cat Concerto, especially at the Oscars, it just begs remake, so you get a larger budget, you get bigger stars... the same producer... alas, it seems the trilogy was never completed.  Tom and Jerry didn't practice enough, so they never got to trash ... I mean, play Carnegie Hall.
I do like that opening theme, however.  I'll give you that.  And they decided against using the same music that every cartoon like this uses... you know, the music from The Cat Concerto and Rhapsody Rabbit... okay, I'll look it up... the Hungarian Rhapsody, that's the one.  But once the credits are over, the formula repeats.  The cat walks out amidst tepid applause.  To be fair, he's been upgraded from mere pianist to the damn conductor!  He starts conducting and everything's going fine.  Cut to the gilded mouse hole just off to the side.  To be fair, Jerry's sleep isn't disturbed this time!  He's dressed in his finest tux and is about as ready to conduct as Mozart was in Amadeus when we first meet him.  Tom doesn't like being co-conductor with the mere mouse, so he keeps heaping physical and mental abuse upon the mouse.  The mouse retaliates.  The cat re-retaliates.  Rinse and repeat.  Oh, and the cat ends up with a violin bow through his head.  You can see the bow behind his eyes.  That's apparently the visual highlight of the picture.  Remember, they didn't have Adobe Flash back then.
I'm probably just feeling pro-cat right now, but the highlight for me is probably when the cat rips the mouse's tux and tails in half.  I forget if that's the last straw or not.  But undoubtedly this cartoon has to end at some point, and once the last straw is broken, Jerry takes out his revenge on the other musicians in the orchestra... all cats, by the way.  Not a mouse in the bunch.  Jerry literally and actually saws the floor out from underneath all the orchestra.  But the show must go on, and all those that remain try to keep playing.  Tom ends up playing all the instruments himself (in particular) and getting just plain worn out (in general).  The mouse enjoys his round of applause.  We go back to Tom, and in a nice twist, also ends up falling through the floor.  That mouse must have a twin or something!

***
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

The Mighty Navy II

Our next Popeye cartoon is called Blunder Below and it tells the story of what happened after Popeye went to the casino buffet and... I'm sorry, it's actually a virtual remake of The Mighty NaVy but with a few slight differences, the largest one being that the enemy has definitely been named now... I think it's supposed to be the Japanese.  They do have the sun flag with the rays... anyway, let's dive into it, so to speak.  I feel like keeping this one short.

ACT ONE

Rather than learning the various functions of the whole ship, this one focuses on the anti-submarine guns of a battleship.  Popeye once again finds himself the lone brown-eyed brunette amidst an army of blond, blue-eyed... I mean, tall, muscular sailors who all look like the quarterback of their college football team.  As usuelle, Popeye's a cylinder having trouble fitting into this square peg they call the modern navy... ooh, almost forgot.  A cloud salutes the American navy ship as it passes.  Always with the visual gags, those Fleischer brothers.
I know people always complain about the jibberish in these movie classroom settings, but maybe I just don't watch the right movies or something.  This seems to be some real stuff here about this anti-sub gun!

ACT TWO

This doesn't seem to break down well in terms of the three Act structure.  Act Two involves target practice, much like The Mighty Navy before it.  Apparently, these guns are on an extending mechanism like old phones used to be... what are those called again?  They seem to be hidden so that the enemy will think the ship is more harmless than it actually is, but apparently the shooter sits in the gun, the gun pops out of its hole in the ship, you fire the gun, then the gun goes back into place.  Ah, sometimes I wish I was an engineer.  We have one of the automaton sailors demonstrate the gun first, then Popeye gives the gun a try, and all hell breaks loose.  For some reason, I don't find it as funny as I should when the gun gets pointed at Popeye's commanding officer.
And so, Popeye and the gun start galloping all over the ship.  This gag must've killed in showings with just sailors.  To be fair, Popeye does hit the bullseye on the target.  He unfortunately also sinks the ship hauling the target.  It's a comedy sinking, of course, and everyone survives and swims safely back to the battleship.
Act Two and a Half: the bitter, bitter aftermath.  Popeye and his commanding officer head down to the engine room where they dump coal into one of the boilers.  Spoiler alert: There's a good gag where it seems like, for a second there, that the officer is going to shovel Popeye into the boiler... but no.  Popeye's crime against the navy wasn't that severe.  Have they forgotten that he's an emblem, for Christ sake?  No, it's time for some grueling manual labor.  Not as tear-raising as slicing onions, but still.  Popeye's gifts are once again squandered by the navy on menial tasks.  The boiler fire pants like a dog, lol.

ACT THREE

...well, that didn't take long!  Popeye shoveled only two loads of coal, and the ship's under attack.  Somehow the enemy is displeased at Popeye's demotion, but they'll be sorry later on!  Once again, the clean-cut sailors couldn't hit the broad side of an enemy sub, for God's sake!  And once again, Popeye sticks his head out the porthole to get a better look, but the enemy's not shelling his head yet.  Popeye does, however, run afoul of an enemy periscope.  Popeye gives the periscope a good punch in its eye for good measure, then he... he congas out of the ship's window!  The callback!  Popeye ends up having to lift up a part of the ship when an enemy... I'm sorry, emeny torpedo heads towards it.  But where's his parade?  Be patient, dear reader... we'll get to that part soon enough.  Popeye heads up to the main deck, gives a twist to that old phrase about regretting that one has but one life to give for their country... does he call the submarine a "skunk-marine"?  Oh well.
And so, Popeye holds aloft a particularly leafy can of spinach.  Note the tiny leaves, the deep grey color.  Popeye downs the can, doesn't make his usual funny eating noises, then holds his arm aloft.  The muscle turns into... war bonds or something.  American Imperialism is armed and ready to strike.  Popeye jumps out of his sailor uniform and, in only his polka-dot briefs, dives into the brine to take on that sub all by his spinached-up self.
There's one part where Popeye spins the sub around, and the sub looks like it's in 3D, but other than that, the sub doesn't stand a chance.  "So sorry!" says the Japanese caricature within said sub.  Well, Popeye punches that dude the second time he tries to pull that stuff.  It's post-Pearl Harbor time and the fun and games are over for now.  There's a war to win.  Popeye's fellow sailors cheer as he hauls that sub in as though it were a mere shark.

EPILOGUE

And so, the commanding officer who once fought with Popeye is now lavishing him with all kinds of medals.  The officer even gets to do Popeye's ending song, more or less!  He's not much of a singer, you see.  This is one of those cartoons that must have done well with crowds back in '42, but jingoism like this has a short shelf life.  Hopefully the plot formula will be a little different by the time we get to the ones where the Japanese are referenced in the titles, hoh boy.....

***
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

Auteur Watch - Topper Carew

Yeah, Hollywood's like that sometimes if you don't have a career plan.  After getting burned on D.C. Cab, Mr. Carew drifted awhile until he got into the Martin Lawrence business, lock, stock and barrel.  And yet, after the inevitable concert movie... oh, right, that was You So Crazy... anyway, after working together on the inevitable feature, egos clashed, ways were parted, and it was adrift again.  But who knows?  Maybe it's not too late to cash in that one last chip to get to Spielberg!  I don't even need my software for that.  It's quite easy, actually.

Carew worked with Joel Schumacher, director of D.C. Cab,
who also directed The Lost Boys, produced by Richard Donner
who directed The Goonies, produced by...

...well, you're on your own after that.  I'm no Hollywood insider or anything.

Saw a Penguin drinking a Piña Colada at Trader Vic's..............

...his hair was perfect.  D'oh!  As expected, Mockingjay crushed it once again at the box office.  Probably should've gone with "Mock... yeah... ing... yeah..." for the title.  Next week, my Louisville slugger... next week.  I'm mildly curious as to what reason the writers will have next for Josh Hutcherson to have that trademark look of shock on his face; at least, all the shock he can possibly muster.  Don't strain yourself, dude!  Anyway, I'm so out of the loop.  Where was the ad campaign for Penguins of Madagascar?  Looks like you're no longer relegated to the short feature section of Madagascar DVDs, guys!  Good job.
The only other debut this week is Horrible Bosses 2.  And once again, sequels are taking the numbers back.  Don't be ashamed of sequels, Hollywood!  Mockingjay seems to be, as well as Penguins of Madagascar as well as Big Hero 6... oh, right.  I mean, Big Hero 6 isn't.  That's how out of it I am.  How could I miss Big Hero 1 through 5?  And Dumb and Dumber To puts a delightful spin on the enumeration of sequels by misspelling the 2.  I'm assuming that Christoph Waltz is savvy enough to realize that this movie probably doesn't mean Oscar #3 for him.  And speaking of unorthodox casting... Key is in this, but not Peele?  Dude... the rift begins.

All Creatures Great and Small

So who's going to be raiding Tom's kitchen this week?  Well, we've nearly done the mouse-smaller-than-Jerry bit to death, so why not go the opposite way for a change?  Enter Jerry and the Lion.  Sometimes I forget to mention the titles in these things, which always seems to end up biting me in the ass later on when I'm searching for something.

ACT ONE

Opening bit: I seem to remember this one from cable TV, but forgot what cartoon it was associated with.  While Tom is sitting quietly, listening to the loud radio, there's a loud crash.  Time to investigate.  Well, while Tom was resting, Jerry's been busy... very busy.  So busy, in fact, that you'd almost swear there was no food left in the fridge at this point!  Time for an illustration of potential energy.  If you remember from your schooling, something way up high is just waiting to fall on you, probably a can on a shelf, or a boulder on a cliff.  It has the potential to fall, were it not for our fine engineers what built the structures to keep all these things in their proper places on high.  In the instant case, Jerry has built a ramp from the fridge on high that leads to his mouse hole down low.  Naturally, things go smoothly... very smoothly.  So smoothly, in fact, that a giant turkey just needs a gentle nudge from the thing behind it... a bottle of milk... and pop!  In it goes.  Jerry the mouse invented Buckyballs, so it would seem!
After what seems like an eternity, Tom puts a stop to Jerry's fun.  And yes, it's no accident that Jerry's holding a tomato: a big, red, gooey tomato.  Jerry of course easily empties the contents of said tomato onto Tom's face, and grabs another one before taking off.  Now, does the mouse just really like eating tomatoes?  Or is this a setup for the callback?  I'll let you decide... (hint: the latter)

ACT TWO

Tom angrily marches back to his post by the radio.  Epic fail!  Epic fail!  God, but I grow weary of that phrase.  Tom's anger quickly passes, however, breathing a big sigh of... relief?  I mean, what?  Him worry?  It's not his groceries, is it?  And then... the genius bit of plotting.  Much like Bugs Bunny hijacked the radio in Hare Tonic, Tom's calming music is interrupted by a news flash.  A lion has escaped from the circus!  Tom looks worried, and probably rightly so.  Apparently, there's no comraderie between lions and house cats... incidentally, how come there are no large dogs?  I guess a hippopotamus is as close as we'll get.  The guy on the radio advises people to bar their windows and doors, and Tom does just that... well, close them, anyway, and he puts the couch in front of the front door.  Jerry hides when Tom runs down to the basement to close the basement windows.  Tom runs back upstairs and grabs the hunting rifle off the mantle and, more importantly, of course... the hunting hat.
Now, I hate to think that I'm getting jaded to these kinds of things, or that I'm turning into one of the script jockies from Sunset Boulevard... the 1950 classic, not the Adam Sandler remake; I'm under the assumption that there'll be one at some point in the future... but SPOILER ALERT, the thought flashed through my mind that the lion's already in the house.  And, sure enough... yup.  And this time it's not Jerry mistaking his own eyes in a mirror!  Oh no.  It's the real deal Holyfield.  Jerry tries to run away, but the lion leaps out of the shadows and puts its paws down on poor ol' Jerry... I'm telling you!  Lions and housecats have more in common than you'd think!  And yet, Tom and this lion are probably going to be adversaries.
Now some of you are probably thinking about that old Aesop fable about the mouse and the lion with a thorn in its paw.  Or it's in the New Testament or whatever.  If you Google it, it will come.  Personally, I think the New Testament probably ripped off Aesop.  In a slight twist, however, the thorn is buried deep in the lion's soul.  The lion lists his grievances to our little mouse friend.  All the lion really wants at this stage in the game is to go home to Africa.  And so, the premise of the Madagascar series was bourne.
...okay, two things.  The lion wants two things: return to Africa, and get something to eat.  He's hungry all the time, just like Nibbles!  And a teentsy morsel like Jerry would simply arouse his appetite further without bedding it back down... sumpthing like that.  Well, maybe Jerry could sacrifice some of the stuff he confiscated, like that whole turkey, right?  Oh, dear reader... so naïve.  Such a babe in the woods, so unaware of the gears that grind the world merrily along on its way.  You're just not thinking like a screenwriter, pals and gals!  Well, Momma's going to give you the first lesson... once again.
And so, the mouse and the lion quietly sneak up on Tom, who's still in position with hat on head and rifle in paws.  Tom has a view of the corridor in front of him, unaware of what's hiding behind the wall just to the left of it.  Jerry manages to sneak under the rug undetected, heads over to the kitchen and gets a giant piece of ham... I don't know my pork cuts.  Is that a leg?  The point is, it's what... about 300 times the size of the mouse, but the mouse carries it like it's a tiny hunk of cheese.  I think the mouse is a vampire!
And so, Jerry crawls under the rug with the giant piece of ham.  It's all for the greater good, folks... I mean, the greater plot machinations.  This sight is one that even trigger-happy Tom can't miss, so he goes to investi-ma-gate.  Tom holds the rifle on Jerry and easily confiscates the bit of ham, holding it behind him for good measure.  You know, where the lion can see it.  The lion gives the bit of ham the old sniff test, smiles, then engulfs it in one giant toothy bite with as much finesse as a lion can muster under the circumstances.  Meanwhile, Tom's got Jerry right where he wants him.  Tom goes to take a bite of the prized ham... no, two bites.  Tom starts chewing and... but wait!  Tom's mouth isn't full!  And where are those crunching noises coming from, incidentally?
Welp, there it is, folks.  The nightmare of nightmares made flesh, rendered in Technicolor as plain as the day on your face.  There's the lion hiding behind those ugly bright blue drapes, and Tom's got the gun.  Tom aims at the drapes, but suddenly develops a bad case of butterflies.  Not as ready to use a bullet as he thought he was, so it would seem.  He's going to need a bigger gun.  Maybe a cannon, too, while you're at it.  Reacting in haste, Jerry takes Tom's intent more seriously than Tom does, and aims the gun at the ceiling.  A shot rings out.  Now, it's debatable whether Tom actually fired or if Jerry's aiming of the gun caused the gun to misfire, so I'll skip that.  Creating another diversion, Jerry... the mouse... acts like he was wounded in the blast, grasping his chest, groaning in pain, stepping around in a small circle as though he's drunk... you know the routine.  Tom did it himself on a previous occasion, for slightly different reasons.  The point being: don't think about it too much.  Tom rushes off to get a first aid kit, and the mouse and the lion run away to f... mess with Tom's head some more.
Next episode: like dogs, cats apparently can't look up either, because the lion's hiding on top of a lamp... boy, that's a strong lamp!  Probably not a WWII era lamp, as all the metal would be diverted for tanks and shells and what not.  Still, things used to be built to last back then.  Jerry starts boxing and Tom sticks out his chin.  Gimme your best shot, Tom says in pantomime.  The lion, from atop aforementioned lamp, gladly obliges.  (almost forgot... I love lamp)  Tom ends up making a Tom-shaped outline in the fireplace, ending up with a massive collection of freshly displaced bricks upon his head.  (See also: Laurel and Hardy's Hog Wild and Dirty Work)
Next mini-sode: pure cartoon buffoonery as the mouse and the lion hide in the teeny umbrella stand.  Tom runs up and sees the umbrella moving around, and decides to investi-ma-gate.  Tom removes the umbrella and opens it inside the house.  Bad luck instantly smites him in the form of the lion, and the mouse follows soon after.  The scene ends with us looking at a flattened Tom sitting there on the floor like a rug, looking incredulously skyward.  It's all he can muster in his two-dimensional state.

ACT THREE

Okay, we've had some fun, we've had episodes quick and long... but now it's time to wrap this party up.  And what better way than in either a) a locked closet, or b) inside the bulldog's house?  Well, we already did b) on a previous occasion... oh, don't make me look it up.  It's a rich tradition indeed.  Off the top, I recall the Chuck Jones cartoon, The Aristo-Cat where an overly pampered spoiled brat of a cat tells the filthiest joke ever... I mean, it's about a cat who's so pampered and spoiled that he doesn't know what a mouse is.  It ends inside the bulldog's doghouse, with the house bouncing around, noises of conflict emanating outward from it, in order to engage the imagination of the audience, allowing them to imagine the carnage within.
And so, still unaware of the lion, and still uncurious about its god-awful stench, Tom thinks he has Jerry trapped in the closet all alone.  Tom lets out a laugh (... Bletcher?  Kinda didn't sound like it) then locks the closet door behind him.  More cartoon lunchy... lunacy: (must be hungry) Tom closes the door on his wrist, then pulls his hand... paw inside, all too ready to kick some mouse ass.  You'll never guess what happens in a million years... never.
And so, Tom lands on the other side of the ... living room?  I thought they were in the basement.  Dayamn, but they've got a large house!  Bigger than Bob Dole's place during the Depression... I mean, he had to take in boarders, for God's sake!  Boarders!!!!  ...sorry, back to the instant case.  And so, after his ass-whooping by the lion, Jerry pretends it was he that did it and marches all big-as-you-please out of that closet.  Definitely not wanting a repeat of that level of ass-kicking, Tom makes a Tom-shaped hole in the brick wall of the house as he exits.  As Tom revs up, we hear the sound of a plane engine, as it would take that kind of power to make a hole in a house's brick wall exterior.

EPILOGUE

Ultimate revenge accomplished, the lion and the mouse shake hands.  Cross fade to... a boat headed for Africa!  Whew.  I thought I was going to have to sit through thirty minutes of logistics for that.  But there is some light mayhem as the mouse attempts to shove the lion into one of those covered lifeboats.  I keep forgetting how strong that little mouse is.  "So long pal!" says the lion.  Both the lion and the mouse shed a tear, and frankly I'm getting a little boo-hoo-hoo-y myself.  That mouse never had it so good.  Maybe if it were a lioness Jerry could give her a kiss before they depart!

***1/2
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

Four Conga Café

Whew!  This one's not as racist as the title might suggest, but maybe that's just my privileged view of things, on the other hand.  In any event, Bluto returns as Popeye's oldest and heaviest foil in Kickin' the Conga Round.  That must be a play on words.

ACT ONE

In a slight twist, the title of the cartoon comes before the credits.  Clearly this is not a Famous Studios Popeye cartoon.  And so, we find a massive navy battleship off the coast of... an unnamed South American country.  Bluto and Popeye are bunkmates... probably not a good idea.  Popeye spends some time admiring a note from his goil in this picture: Olivia Oyla.  I dare not ruin the surprise... oh, right.  It's there in the attached jpeg file.  The note has Olivia's phone number on it, which Bluto quickly memorizes.  Normally Bluto's not into the thin chicks, but he never misses a chance to f... mess with Popeye.  Bluto beats Popeye to the "ferry boat" to shore.  Oh, I don't like this new voice of Bluto, whose name is... Dave Barry?  The writer for that Miami newspaper?  ...no, different guy.  Ooh!  He did some old Warner Brothers cartoons.  I think he was Old King Cole in Have You Got Any Castles?... nah, different guy.  Never mind.  Back to the current one.  And so, Popeye misses the boat, and Bluto gives Popeye one last taunt for good measure.  Fade to black.
Fade in: dang!  Bluto works fast!  He's already sitting at a table someplace with Olivia, impressing her with slick magic tricks.  "Aw, dat's nuttin... Watch this!"  Bluto says as he stands up and walks away from the table a bit... good Lord, but he's fat.  Bluto is apparently looking around for something to prestidigitate with... hold on while I make sure I'm using that word right... meh, close enough for the internet, know whut I mean?  Alas, for poor old, long-suffering Bluto, Popeye shows up and ruins everything for him.  Popeye tries a couple magic tricks of his own.  To be fair, I think Bluto's were a little more clever.  But as you can see from the look of defeat on Bluto's face, Popeye's won this round.  Olivia laughs equally at all acts of cruelty the boys heap upon one another, but her loyalty's ultimately with Popeye.

ACT TWO

"This is my favourite conga café!" says Olivia, as she and Popeye arrive at the Café La Conga.  Bluto is close behind, reconnoitering.  And once inside, the music is going and everyone has fallen prey to it.  Olivia and Popeye conga over to their table.  There's a dude on stage doing the conga... a "Censored" sign is placed in front of him at one point in the dance.  Lol!  What is this, a Bob Clampett cartoon?  Even the waiter's doing the conga!  But Popeye's not having any of it, even after Olivia invites him to dance.  Bluto seizes the opportunity and says "May I have da honor of this conga?"  I don't know who says "Uh, pardon me" before that, but it don't sound like the same Bluto.  And so, Olivia's loyalty belongs to he who can conga best.  Popeye's in a real prickly pickle now as he enviously watches Bluto and Olivia dance.  Does he dare betray his strict moral code and dance?  Or does he continue to sit there and fester?  For now, he chooses to fester... ugh.  Wish I hadn't seen the outline of Bluto's enormous booty.  Must... have... antidote!
At one point, I can see you now in the kitchen, bending over a hot stove... but I can't see the stove... I mean,  at one point, Bluto and Olivia are dancing, and we can't see Olivia.  Reminds me of Hollywood Steps Out, I think it is.  Did the same gag with Oliver Hardy.  Also a conga!  And so, Bluto, the alpha dog that he is, congas over to Popeye's table, and gives it a good nudge with his ass... twice!  Man, but that dude can put multi-tasking on his résumé.

ACT THREE

And so, as if through some kind of psychic connection, the waiter from earlier brings over a can of spinach in one of them hemispherical covered trays.  The dude ends up wearing said platter cover on his damn head like some kind of fool!  Similar thing happened in an Art Davis Warner Brothers cartoon, but that led to an unfortunate Chinese stereotype.  I'd try to find it on one of my Warner Brothers Looney Tunes DVDs, but I think they're saving all of his cartoons for Volume 18 or so... man, but I've never seen Popeye in such a funk before!  He seems to have lost all zest for life or something.  He barely even touches his spinach!  As he munchy-wunches on the tiny pinch of it that he took, he mumbles "I don't like no conjure..."  Boy, even his mumbling while he eats spinach is down in the dumps.  But then.....
And then, the spinach kicks in, and Popeye gets the goofiest expressions on his face that I think I've ever seen in any Popeye cartoon ever.  Popeye's spinach-eating theme has been hijacked by the conga beat, but never mind that.  Popeye's happy again, caught, caught in time.  It's really a bone setter; thank you for mending him, Spinach.
Popeye wolfs down the whole damn can.  Ah, that's the old stuff!  Popeye's a slovenly eater once again.  Ah, spinach.  Is there nothing it cannot do?  It can create electromagnets, cure broken backs, and even teach Popeye how to be a master conga dancer.  Sure, this isn't Popeye's first spinach-enhanced dance, but it's his first conga.  And so, Popeye congas over to kick Bluto's ass and win Olivia back.  But before that, the animators throw in a little joke of their own.
And so, Popeye removes Bluto from the scene with one fell swoop.  Olivia's a little concerned at first, but Popeye soon wins her over with his slick new moves.  Olivia couldn't have a bigger smile on her face.  Then, the two threaten to win first prize, if there was a dance contest.  Again, American Imperialism.  They do some stunt poses, but arguably, Olivia's not too terribly thrilled with that third one.

EPILOGUE

It ain't over yet?  I mean... it ain't over yet, folks!  Bluto makes a resurgence, kicking obstacles out of his way to that infectious conga beat.  Bluto gets Popeye's attention when a giant vase that Bluto kicked at Popeye knocks Popeye over.  Popeye starts beating Bluto up and Olivia gets out of the way.  The boys' fighting eventually turns into several Fist Tornados (TM), stopping of course for that fourth beat.  Olivia calls for help, and a couple of MPs show up.  They take Popeye and Bluto away, kicking them in the ass on that fourth conga beat!  It ain't the old endings anymore, folks.  No more sending Bluto all the way around the world.  They're in the Navy now, and they'll always have their chow.  I kinda like the novelty of that ending, but I'm afraid they're going to end every Popeye cartoon that way... okay, maybe I'm overreacting.

***1/2
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

Auteur Watch - Nick Cannon

...no.  I can't.  The only question is: is Spielberg cool enough for Mr. Cannon?  Uh, no!  Der!

Show 'em how it's done, Girl!

Ah, the market for celebrities continues to expand into unknown spaces and places... that's the Dire Straits guy, right?  I'm more of a fan of his brother, George Strait.  Like the IMDb says, he's best known for Showgirls.  As for the whole Cosby mess, well, I suppose I have a morbid fascination with a star's fall from grace, and the legal and nonlegal controls in place, the proverbial dam holding back the river.  Why did it break all of a sudden?  Who did he stop paying dues to?  It's a shame.  He was just on The Colbert Report, for God's sake!  Meanwhile, the gyroscope of Tiger Woods seems to be back on an even keel, at least in terms of public image.  And of course, Roman Polanski.  These things still seemed to be ruled by the Court of Public Opinion.
(Sunday proper) Oh, this kid's still got it, I tells ya.  She's winning the blue ribbon and showing the other kids how, no question about it.  The latest installment of Hunger Games rakes in one weekend as much as Interstellar, and will easily surpass Big Hero 6 and Gone Girl by Wednesday or so.  That's how you know a movie's a big phenom these days when they talk about how many days it takes to reach the various hundreds of millions benchmarks.  But as an amateur statistician and dangerously close to being a professional one, I've finally noticed a different trend here in all this data I've been keeping.  Say you've got a movie like Gone Girl which Rosamund's

hoping people will remember come Oscar time.  When it debuted on October 5th, it debuted with Annabelle and the latest incarnation of Left Behind.  Now, Left Behind lasted two weeks, and Annabelle three, but G.G.'s still going strong after... EIGHT WEEKS!  How's that work?  Well, Fincher's got the magic touch.  Only he could make a film like Panic Room be #1 for two weeks.
Here's another example.  Take the film Fury.  When it debuted, it debuted with The Book of Life and The Best of Me.  Best of Me was gone after two weeks, Life after four.  It's still hanging in there after six weeks, if only barely... okay, okay.  Another extreme example.  When Guardians of the Galaxy came out, it debuted with a film called Get on Up that disappeared after two weeks.  Guardians?  Hung in there for ten weeks, thus assuring at least three more bad indie flicks from director James Gunn.
Here's an example from the indie side of the equation.  When St. Vincent debuted at #6, its newbie competitors were John Wick and Ouija.  Wick disappeared after three weeks, Ouija after four.  Meanwhile, St. Vincent is hanging strong at #7 for five weeks.
Is there a lesson in all of this?  Probably not, but I think the lesson just might be... they ain't all winners, folks!  But my friendly local video store, Scarecrow Video, is threatening to carry them all for all of eternity.  They're going to need to buy a new building, I'm afraid.  How about the library across the street?  The city's probably going to dump that waste of space one of these days.  I mean, how many homeless people playing MMORPG video games can they stand?  Right, library employees?
Oh, I forgot to mention The Theory of Everything.  It's the story of Stephen Hawking, so finally!  The title fits the subject matter, unlike that Clarissa Explains it All crap.  I mean, seriously?  Five seasons?  Will our grandchildren ever forgive us?

Unhappy, Texas

What is it about a Texas motif that has to change everything?  We forego the usual Tom and Jerry theme this time and go with an old country western song.  Maybe that's the wrong label for it.  Apparently it's an old-timey song called "Riding down the Trail to Santa Fe."  The lyrics are pretty funny, I must admit.  Things haven't changed a whole lot, have they?
ACT ONE - And so, we find Tom and Jerry going through the usual ritual, but with aforementioned Texas theme.  Instead of a fishing pole like in Sufferin' Cats, Tom is letting Jerry run away, then he lassos him and pulls him back.  The forces of gravity are on Tom's side for now.  But Jerry will ultimately get some sweet, sweet revenge.  After slapping Tom's face with a bit of cactus, Tom's about to shoot Jerry with a six shooter.  Jerry blows out the bullets of the gun with one big breath, and the bullets end up in Tom's mouth.  Jerry whacks Tom on the back of the head with the empty gun and BOOM!  All six bullets explode while still between Tom's teeth.  Tom's teeth seem to be okay.  Kids... do NOT try this at home yourself.  Have we learned nothing from Hope and Glory, for one?  I don't seem to remember that part from cable TV...

ACT TWO

And then... she arrives.  It's never explained why, and the mystery driver in the dorky 50s era sedan is never seen again, but really, why complicate things?  This picture needs a token chick to woo, and now it's got one.  Arguably, a rather thankless role compared to Salt Water Tabby, but you can't win them all.  Tom's yellow eyes bug out all big as ya please and, after a cold shower or two, he lays on the charm.  I believe they use this sequence again someplace... Smitten Kitten!  That must be it.  After the into, time for a song.  Jerry runs the record player for Tom, but then starts fiddling with the speed control.  Same thing happened to Harpo in Monkey Business.  Let's watch that now instead!... hmm.  Can't seem to find it.  Well, here's the song, anyway.
Well, can't argue with results!  I tell you darling, this pretty but kinda dull cat chick is getting into Tom!  Is she the Tom and Jerry equivalent of Sharon Stone in Broken Flowers?  Maybe as close as the Hays Code will allow.  But then, at some point, Jerry's antics go too far and Tom does the old lasso routine again.  Remember, folks: in the world of Tom and Jerry, chasing Jerry comes first.  Everything else?  A distant second.  Enter the bull and the giant bale of hay.  Genius, I tell ya.  Jack Brown Genius.

ACT THREE

And so, in Tom's adrenaline-fueled fit of rage, not only does he have the strength to drag a hay-covered bull over to him from round the corner, but he accidentally rips off one of the bull's horns.  As with the Stooges and time wasters, Tom kills some time putting the horn back on.  Now it's Tom's turn to get chased.  After scaring the chickens out of the outhouse... doesn't their coop look more like an outhouse?... the cat runs and runs and runs, then stops.  He's trapped!  The bull is still charging and Tom is trapped... well, not really.  I mean, really?  Seriously?  All of a sudden, Tom can't climb over a wooden fence like that?  Or maybe slip under it?  I mean, seriously?  Really?  Frankly, he's just not trying at this point.  It's near the end of the cartoon and we need a big finish.  And so, Tom ties a kerchief around his eyes and takes a puff on one last cigarette.  Boy, you gotta hand it to those cigarette companies.  Their product is there with you at your downfall, one way or another.  Yes, Tom is going to be hit by that oncoming train of a bull cow, and he has accepted his fate.  Hmm!  Chicks kinda dig that.

EPILOGUE

...I thought Tom ran away from the ranch house!  Oh well.  One way or another, Tom goes flying through the air, and where he lands the screenwriters don't care... I mean, they do care, because he has to be at the ranch house to witness Jerry's ultimate revenge.  The logical consistency of the means toward said end will have to be denied.  And so, since Jerry had to aid in Tom's wooing, so now he will succeed where Tom clearly has failed.  Jerry walks up in a similar nice-looking cowboy outfit, leaps up and plants a big ol' smooch on the girl cat's lips.  To be fair, she has the same confused look on her face, but Jerry seems to be happy.  Jerry then rides a dazed Tom into the proverbial sunset, poking him all the way with his tiny spurs.  You know, just once I'd like to see the girl cat just eat that little rat.  Just once.  Maybe Tom and her could fight over the guts.  Get to work on that, Sick and Twisted!

***1/2
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

A Dream Walking, Pt. 2

Literally.  It's A Dream Walking all over again, complete with the gravitational pull to a construction site, Popeye having his moment of unconsciousness, and Olive getting upset after waking and seeing Popeye.  But I suppose there are enough differences to warrant the full treatment, so let's just dive right into it.

ACT ONE

Scene: the offices/residence of Professor I. Stare... hmm!  That's more of a Three Stooges gag, isn't it?  Well, first names that start with an 'i' are naturally funnier, as any comedian will tell you.  Eventually, after the introductions, we get to meet this professor that we've heard so much, yet seen so little... about!  At first, you think it's Bluto in disguise.  From the view outside the apartment, he seems to be acting like Bluto, looking out the window nervously then quickly shutting the shades.  His days of standing proudly on the streetcorner smoking a manly stogie are long behind him.  But then... we get inside the apartment and... yeah, that's probably not him.  Maybe it's his short, thin cousin!  They've got the same bearded face, that's for sure.  Must've been a writer's strike that week.
Poor guy.  Even his fish thinks he's an a... kind of a jerk.  And so, as Reuben Abel once wrote, man is the measure.  Any two bit hustler can hypnotize a fish.  A real supervillain gets an army of zombies to do his bidding!  TO THE PHONE BOOK!
...oh and, what's with the cat in the bird cage?  Lol.  Always with the visual jokes, these cartoon peoples.  The bad guy is voiced by the multi-talented voice actor Billy West... well, kinda sounds like it, anyhow.  And so, after pacing to and fro a little in front of the wall phone in his apartment, the muse strikes him and he grabs the phone book.  He's not quite as far gone as this guy, but close.  And would you believe it?  The first name he points to is ... wait for it... Olive Oyl!  Shock upon shock.  Clearly the hypnotist is under the filmmakers' control.
Cross-fade to Olive's place.  We see Olive on one end of the couch, bashful as ever.  Popeye's on the right, cramming for the big exam.  What exam is that, you ask?  Trying to come up with the right words to woo Olive.  Shakespeare's the go-to guy for that, of course.  If you listen closely you can hear Popeye mumble "Romeo, O Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?  Parting is such sweet sorrow, etc. etc."  Can't go wrong with the bard's greatest hits!  And so, Popeye launches into it.  "Olive Oyl, O Olive Oyl... what's in a name?"  I won't spoil the rest of it, lol.  I think it's worth it though.  Olive's legs twitch at about 1:43 or so.  Sloppy work, guys.  Sloppy work.

ACT TWO

And then... the modern world gets in the way.  It usually does.  Oh, what did we ever do before answering machines?  She's obviously just not that into you, Popeye, if she gets up to go to the phone like that.  Olive smacks his head on the arm of the couch.  Olive answers the phone, saying in her best Southern twang, "Hello!  Miss Olive Oyl's residence!"
And so, it begins.  The first telemarketer is born.  I think Og Mandino wrote a book or to about that.  Love that guy.  This Professor Stare must be stopped!  His over-the-phone hypnotism works!  I think Peter Gabriel's got another song about that.  Then there was this one that was used in some phone commercials a long time ago.  Why not?  Then of course, there's this by Reba McIntyre... McEntire?  Remember, this was before Wikipedia!  They must've used this on Sesame Street at some point.  Well, kids are a lot more jaded these days.
And so, Professor Stare's zombie army of one is on the move.  Worse yet, Olive's gait has a catchy percussion beat to it.  Popeye watches as Olive grabs her hat and walks out the door.  He goes over to the phone to inveski-ma-gate.  He hears the professor over the phone.  His pipe falls under the spell, but somehow it just doesn't do anything for Popeye proper.  "My garsh!  A hypnotisk!" exclaims Popeye.  Maybe I've got no memory for these things, but I think this is the first instance where Popeye uses the word "garsh." ...nah, Wikipedia's not going to back me up on that.  Time for Popeye to spring into action.
Next scene: Olive walks along and goes through an intersection.  Traffic's a lot fiercer now in the 40s than it was in the 30s.  Hypnotized Olive makes it across, of course, but conscious Popeye has a little harder time.  He ends up in the back of a taxi... lol.  Oh, that is so based on someone's bitter experience.  Popeye reluctantly pays the driver and says "Get that hole in your roof fixed!!"  He's just having a bad day in general, no question.
And now, the transition into A Dream Walking begins in earnest, as hypnotized Olive is carried aloft on the thinnest of platforms raised skyward.  Lagging behind, all Popeye can do is watch in horror.  He closes the gap between buildings to keep Olive from dropping, then starts to climb up to her.  "She's a victim of circum-trances!" says Popeye in yet another ode to the Stooges in general and Curly in particular.
Next scene: by the time Popeye lifts himself up to the top of the building with his pipe, Olive's already found her way to a wire between buildings.  Is she nuts?  Where's her pole for balance?  What if a gust of wind suddenly picks up?!!  What, is she hypnotized or something?... oh, right.  Just before the wire breaks, Popeye grabs onto the other end of it.  It's attached to a specific phone, of course.  So not only does Popeye have to hang on to the wire to keep Olive from falling, he has to do battle with a combative operator on the phone.  I haven't heard Popeye so bashful and tongue-tied lately!  I mean... ah, skip it.  But like any mediocre debater, Popeye latches on to the operator's words when she says "hold the line."  Oh, that tears it.  Plus, Olive's already made it over to the other side.  Time to play catch-up.  And once again, Popeye's barely one step ahead of gravity... if only there were some sort of blog that went over these Popeye cartoons exhaustively.
Popeye has finally caught up and tries to speak to Olive to wake her up.  No dice.  The powerful spell of Professor Stare has taken root.  Will nothing break it?  In Popeye's desperation, he doesn't notice that another gap between buildings is coming up, and so he falls but catches himself and, thanks to all the pilates he's done in his life, he quickly raises his feet up so Olive can use him as a human bridge to walk across.  So, gravity's been kind to Popeye up til now, but Mother Nature's clearly displeased.  Time for a plague of birds to attack!  The birds annoy Popeye at first, but eventually he slips and catches himself on an awning below.  Now he's paying homage to Buster Keaton's Seven Ages, I believe it's called... The Three Ages, forgive me.

ACT THREE

Concurrently, a swinging hook carries Olive into the construction site proper, and about damn time, too.  Popeye eventually catches up, and I like how he just barely grabs the hook.  Well, sometimes you gotta give the animators a little break.  There's just no stopping that hook's mischief, however, and in a moment of small genius, the hook grabs on to a brick chimney.  The chimney breaks off, it swings back and DING!  Popeye gets hit in the head... I mean, bang bang, the Fleischer's silver chimney came down upon Popeye's head.  There's dazed regaining of proper footing, there's the proverbial bird whistle and then... equanimity is complete.  Popeye's now in a trance, walking at Olive's tempo.  There's a near collision, but Popeye tips his hat to Olive.  Being unconscious is no reason to not be cordial, for God's sake!
Okay, so there's at least one difference between the instant case and A Dream Walking.  The way Popeye is awoken from his trance here is quite different from the other one.  Here, he just misses stepping onto a girder, in another moment of quiet genius, plummets to the ground and lands in a garbage can full of cats.  A lot more painful... or is it?  Maybe waking up after bumping into Bluto, then getting into a giant Fist Tornado with the guy is more painful.  Clearly I'm no expert.
And so, Popeye is awoken and, to his horror, he finally gets an eyeful of Professor Stare.  Olive's walking along more window ledges again, but this time it's on Stare's building.  That tears it.  It's so spinach time.  This time, Popeye's can of spinach has a giant capital 's' on it.  Hmm!  The 's' rips off the can and lands on Popeye's chest.  Double hmm!!!  I think the Fleischers are finally putting two and two together.
And so, Professor Stare turns his attention to this other wannabe alpha-male, sending the hypno-waves Popeye's way, but Popeye punches every last one into submission.  Popeye ends up unfurling the Professor's headgear, and Professor Stare ends up waving like a flag from the flagpole... hmm.  This probably qualifies as one of those unfortunate stereotypes the DVD warns us about that were rampant in those days.  We must always remember that hypnotists are equal in the eyes of the law... something like that.

EPILOGUE

Okay, so the bad guy's been defeated.  But what about Olive?  Well, she's on top of a water tower... how'd she get up there?!!!  So many unanswered questions.  And so, in yet another homage to Buster Keaton, Popeye ties some of the turban's cloth around his waist, grabs Olive as she falls.  In the twist, however, Popeye swings over to a vertical flagpole and slides down to ground level.  And so, back to waking Olive up.  Even though Professor Stare's been defeated, the spell remains.  What to do?  What to do?  In Popeye's desperation, he slaps Olive on the face.  Olive wakes up and lightly reprimands Popeye.  Clearly the days of Wild Elephinks are long gone, and for good reason.
Well, this one's more Disney-fied than its predecessor, I'll give you that.  The animation's much more slick.

***1/2
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan