Auteur Watch - Goddey Asemota

Oh good!  Another short one.  Whelp, let's hope he gets started on that second feature real soon!  And maybe someone could review it even!

Trip to Fantasy Land

...see, because, turkey's got tryptophan in it and what-not... never mind.  Anyway, as the world drags on, and all the good TV shows are on hiatus, and tax cuts for the rich hangs on the worst of balances... I feel like complaining about Firefox again!  Unfortunately, I discovered that my blog password is not where I left it, at least not the updated one.  Also, my username is an email address I don't use anymore, of a long defunkt account... defunct?  Let's see if any managers at Blogger pick up on this, and do something about it.  But I'm learning more and more about Firefox now, as I struggle to keep working and negotiating with it.  Seems to be on a good streak now, but... and perhaps you've run into this yourself... it's kinda slow now.  Press Shift and F5 together to open up the "performance" window at the bottom of the screen.  They measure performance in terms of "fps," which is perfect for cinephiles like you and me.  As you may already know, "fps" stands for frames per second.  For a long time, it used to be 24 frames a second, while videotape was 30.  Who knows what it is these days.  Even Peter Jackson and James Cameron can't keep up on all the changes nowadays.  Anyway, Firefox is nothing if not cinematic, which is why its performance metric is fps.  As of this writing, in the year of our Lord 2017, Firefox's maximum fps is 60.  And what am I currently running at?  Well, my average is 46.31 right now, with a minimum of 0.61.  A few days ago, it was 0.10, but it got better, dropping to 0.05, and eventually right down to 0.01, if memory serves!  My brain memory, not RAM, that is.  But the older I get, the more I see both sides of the clouds, and the more I think to myself... is that a raccoon in the front yard?  'Scuse me for a second... okay, I'm back.
Anyway, so begins a long quest to find that password.  Meanwhile, the latest from Pixar is called Coco and it's #1 at the box office, in spite of the quiet new allegations that Pixar creator John Lasseter is another sex monster.  Lotta those going around lately!  So much for Pixar's next round of negotiations with Disney to break free and be their own studio.

Auteur Watch - Martin Glover

Danny's younger brother?  Man, he really must be getting too old for this sh.... !

Owning the Weekend

And I don't use that phrase lightly, because I heard it on the radio.  We only listen to one radio station where I work, but that's okay.  We only spend about an hour and a half in the office before hitting the streets, and it's a nice audio diversion, at least until the boss has us all gather around.  But the local radio guy is this old school broadcaster, being forced to keep an even keel when reading news about our current president.  But he did say something about the new film Justice League and that it was poised to "own the weekend."  I know, right?  Game-changing!  Epic!  Iconic!  ...yes, I changed the order of those to, you know, kinda freshen it up.  Keep it from getting too stale.  Sick, man!  It's a sick lineup.  And it's epic!  Iconic!  Chame-ganging!  Death to the Demoness Allegra Michelle Geller!  Death to Tyrants in General!  Long live the New Flesh!  LOOK UPON ME!!!!!  ... I think there was a phrase that was screamed over and over in something that took me much longer to find than I thought it would called The Last Big Thing.  Spoiler alert: there is no last big thing, but I tell you what.  You know what owned the weekend?  Jurassic Park 2 when it came out.  How about 2008's The Dark Knight?  That owned about five or six weekends pretty hard!  Guardians of the Galaxy 1 owned its first weekend pretty good, if memory serves.  To me, it depends on how much the second movie makes.  If the second makes 10 million or less, that's really owning the weekend.  Look how much Julia Roberts' movie Wonder made!  27 million!  But if nothing else, it still shows the importance of reading books, and that they still hold a little bit of sway in our damn near completely videocentric culture.  With a big emphasis on superhero movies.  The picture I post with these posts is usually vaguely related to the #1 movie, and this week is no different, because this might be a scene from the new Justice League movie.  Usually in these movies, a bad beacon is sent out at one juncture or another.
Our third and final debut this week is called The Star, which made exactly 10 million dollars in bank.  Now, being who I am, I at first thought to myself, why would, or rather how could, a re-release of an obscure Bette Davis movie do so well?  As usual, I never think of taking a second look at these things, so I looked again and found the appropriate link.  Here's the appropriate link.  It's another Pixar-type deal with a heavier-than-average roster of Hollywood heavyweights doing the voices.  Oprah?  And yet, it wasn't even one of her favorite things.  It didn't make the cover of her magazine, for God's sake!  Guess she's got bigger fish to fry.  But The Star couldn't have come at a better time, to help us think of the story of the First Christmas in a different way, as opposed to the Roy Moore defender who said the thing about how Mary and Joseph were underage too.  I'm also too fatigued to weigh in on Al Franken's incident... but I will say this!  I'm looking at the photo of Franken with his hands near the, um... chest area of Leeann Tweeden, and I dunno!  I don't think they were actually touching.  Just near.  That's right, I'm going to nitpick this horrific photograph now.  But I think Franken's hands were just comedically in a breast-grabbing position, and not actually crossing the line.  Also, there's all these other photos.  And if you Google some of the other photos of Leeann Tweeden, well... I won't post them here.  I try to keep this space family friendly, in spite of some of the thoughts conveyed.  No one wants to say that, I guess, that she posed in Playboy, but more importantly, she was an FHM girl.  But she's already accepted Franken's apology, so you'd think that'd be the end of it.  Also, I don't think there really needs to be a governmental investigation of Franken, but I guess it's nice to call for one.  And I sure as hell don't want to replace Franken with Roy Moore.  Too political?  Sorry... POLITICAL SPOILER ALERT.  But that's the theme this year, the first year of this current president.  I said once before the election that I kinda hope he wins.  Just to see what happens!  I didn't imagine it would be terribly beneficial for him or his family.  I guess they're getting some short term gains, though.  Ivanka's book, for one.  But the Republican party is so bankrupt of plausible candidates that they're already saying that someday Ivanka herself will be president.  Not that she wouldn't be lovely, but I think America needs to be taken a little more seriously in the world again.  Enough of "The Apprentice: Trump White House Edition" already.

Auteur Watch - Danny Glover

...I'm getting too old for this sh... stuff.

The Fall of the House of Priapus

The floodgates are still open, and more stories of Hollywood sexual harassment are coming out.  Fortunately, we live in the Internet Age, and Excel spreadsheets and SQL databases are finally being filled with useful information.  The latest anecdote comes courtesy of Rebel Wilson, who recently told her story of a guy in a position of power who's far, far too big a fan of that one scene from Last Tango in Paris.  I try to keep this a family-friendly blog... okay, maybe not that hard, arguably.  But the guy in a position of power put his own unique spin on it, by wanting Rebel to stick some fingers where the sun don't shine while his friends filmed it on their iPhones.  So far we don't know who this mystery guy is, but judging from what little I know of "Entourage" I'm thinking maybe it was Mark Wahlberg on the set of Pain & Gain... you know what this all means, right?  This means that Hollywood is losing its power!  Its allure as a business unlike any other, with rules that normal people don't have to live by.  I guess we have to look to the world of computer programming now as the place of hopes and dreams.  For one thing, there's apparently a sharp increase in these Silicon Valley types getting plastic surgery.  Can't get more showbiz than that!
As if that weren't bad enough, another Right-wing figurehead that seemed unstoppable looks like he's just about to topple.  There are early reports that Sean Hannity is going to lose a few advertisers over his softball interview of Alabama Senatorial candidate and heterosexual pedophile Roy Moore.  And if Bill O'Reilly is any indication, a complete loss of his show just might be imminent.  But who knows?  I'm not privy to the rumor mill, but Sean seems slightly more straight-laced than, say the aforementioned O'Reilly, who of course recently appeared on Hannity's Fox News show post-career implosion, and he seems slightly more under control than Eric Bolling who got into the sexting hobby while still gainfully employed by Rupert Murdoch.  These guys always have to learn the hard way: all penises aren't special.  No, Sean Hannity's thing is sending around pictures of his bowel movements.  Gonna be sad when that comes out, and all the news anchors have to tiptoe around that.  But one of my Facebook friends makes an interesting point: didn't the party of Lincoln once consider itself to have a monopoly on family values?  I guess they still do, but here's my idea for a Bill Maher-esque new rule: the GOP really has to cut it out with all this "Party of Lincoln" crap.  Um... you know which side of the Civil War he was on, right?  The non-Confederate one.  I don't know much about Lincoln, but something tells me he wouldn't be in favor of all these Confederate monuments erected in 1911.  You know, the Golden Jubilee of the Civil War.  I know Republicans are never hypocritical, but you can't like Lincoln AND the Confederacy at the same time.  You gotta pick.  And so far, they seem to be picking the traitors.  Russia, the Confederacy, what have you.
Oh, but I dwell.  Let's get back to the Top 10.  As expected, Thor: Norse Armageddon is #1 again.  And I couldn't help but notice that a recent TV spot for the film seemed to have a lot of clips of Jeff Goldblum in it.  Which is fine by me; he's probably the best thing in it.  May Act II of his career never end.  The only two debuts this week are the new Murder on the Orient Express and that new Will Ferrell movie called Daddy's Home 2.  Which brings me to a mini-Auteur Watch... Sean Anders.  I mean, look at this confident guy.  Doesn't even need a decent haircut!
...sorry, had to restart Firefox.  I know it's an efficient program and all, but... really?  4 GB?  Why does it need 4 gigabytes of RAM to run?  Maybe my hyperlinks will post a little quicker now.  It was taking me five seconds per link before.  Okay, back to Sean Anders.  Take note, all future writer-directors.  Mr. Anders is nothing if not a prolegomena.  This is what hard work looks like.  It takes 10 years just to get that first film made, and then another ten years to claw your way to a prominent place on the national storytelling stage.  But I can't help but wonder what it says about a guy's résumé when a title like Mr. Popper's Penguins might hurt all your street cred.  Also, you can't help but see that old Hollywood Boys' Club mentality at work with this guy.  I mean, one of his IMDb Top 4 is a film called Sex Drive.  Because, you know, a) even a phrase like "sex drive" can have a double meaning, and b) it's been 20 years, so why not remake The Sure Thing?  Why not, I say?  I'm not saying that Anders' stuff isn't great and all that, but recently he and Jon Lucas / Scott Moore went to each other's meetings in Hollywood by mistake... and no one could tell the difference!  Actually, that's not true... Anders hasn't had as big of a hit as The Hangover.
And finally, I want to give a brief shout-out to Lady Bird, which isn't a debut in the most technical sense because it's been out for two weeks, but it's the first time it's been in the Top 10.  I dunno... doesn't Saoirse Ronan deserve better?  Maybe she will later on when she plays Mary Queen of Scots.  But who knows?  Maybe a thinly-veiled autobiographical slice of Greta Gerwig's life will be just as important in the historical scheme of things when all is said and done.

Auteur Watch - Conrad Glover

How to handle an auteur and former Hollywood actor that no one seems to want to take credit for like Conrad Glover?  (Credit 1, Credit 2)  Well, for some reason, the Muse struck me... that's right, critics have Muses as well... that the way to approach this is to take a closer look at the Conrad Glover Rolling Stock Company of actors that appear in Conrad Glover joints films.  Take this one guy that's appeared in all five!  Named Conrad Glover... oh, right.  We'll skip that one for now.  Well, the hands-on favourite champ, other than Conrad, has got to be Nicholl Jones.  For one thing, she's got a head shot.  Not all these actors do, even though it's been an IMDb feature for some time now.  But she's got to be the big star of the Conrad Glover Rolling Stock Company that everyone else is jealous of.  I mean, she's the Maya of "Maya's Soul" fame, for God's sake!  That's not nothing, is it?  So, what was it about Twists of Fate that made her drop out of the Conrad Glover Rolling Stock Company?  Was she so busy?  Samuel L. Jackson always finds a way to clear his schedule for Quentin Tarantino!  Maybe it was the co-director part that she had trouble with.  But Conrad didn't want to be without a Nicholl, so Michelle Nicolle had to suffice.
Then, of course, there's Ricky Velez... oops, I was thinking of "The Nightly Show."  Sorry.  Sigh... I miss that show.  I'm telling you; Trump made a call, and boom.  Gets cancelled.  The NSA knows it's true.  I mean, Jaime Velez.  I love Jaime Velez... those of you who speak French understand.  Similar deal, four pics under Glover's helm.  But not Twists of Fate!  What's the dilly-o here, anyway?  Can't figure it out.  No casting director credited on Twists, so... hmm.  Maybe that was part of the problem.
But I think I know what happened, after a little more considerable data anaylsis... alanyssi?  Something like that.  The more I type, the more esoteric my typos get.  There seems to be ONE person that appeared in Fate and in a non-Fate based title.  And that person is... Ray Bolger... no, that can't be right.  Ray Bolger died in 1987!  ToF has a release year of 2009!  Either Ray Bolger pulled some next-level Tupac type sh... stuff here, or I got the name wrong.  Okay, I know what happened.  Rick Borgia.  The more I type, the more esoteric my name mistakes get.  That's just all there is to it.  Anyway, this Rick Borgia was also Fate's producer... and an executive one, at that!  He probably acted as an uncredited casting director... executive producers always do.  It's like how Steve(n) Mnuchin has a thing for Ben Affleck.  The Accountant, Batman v. Superman... the titles probably go on and on.  Anyway, so Rick told Conrad Glover point blank, and said "I've seen your other films.  They're good!  That being said, YOU'RE NOT CASTING YOUR USUAL LOT OF LOSERS IN MY MOVIE.  Twists of Fate IS MY MOVIE, AND YOU... AND YOU'RE NOT GOING TO F... mess it up."  Something like that.  Hence the extra Borgias in the cast.  Rick wanted his usual lot of losers in the movie instead.  But hey!  It's just the jealousy talking.  Can't argue with results.  Borgia brought on a second director, and now Conrad's out of the biz completely... actually, the co-director's not doing too well either.  Guess the experience wasn't all rose petals falling onto the bed... oh, right, probably can't reference that anymore. 
But I was curious about one part of the casting.  There's one Jamie Mattus credited as "Goon"... and probably not the whimsical "Goon Show" that influenced Monty Python, I'm thinking.  But there's also one Jamie Mattus credited as Billy's Crew #1!  And he does watch movies about gladiators... ick.  Now, I know it's asking a lot, because the IMDb doesn't easily rectify mistakes... or maybe this is the greatest bit of one actor playing two different roles since Jeremy Irons in Dead Ringers or Tom Hardy in Legend.  Of course, if that were the case, someone probably would've put a link to an external review.  As of this writing... none.  I'd even settle for a Deadfall-type deal with someone trying for a Nicolas Cage-type deal of chewing the scenery so hard it spits itself out!  He did win the Oscar two years later, if anyone cares.  Not me; I gotta move on to my next big disappointment.  No time.

Gunter Gleiben Glauchen Globen

So behind on the times.  Well, I don't have a Blu-Ray player on my desktop computer so I'm unable to take a screencap from Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2, so 2008's Iron Man 1 will just have to suffice in this pinch.  Because once again, the latest Marvel(TM) movie is a massive #1 hit.  Not bad for a superhero movie in November!  Used to be that superheroes were for summertime.  Not anymore!  Not for a while now, if I really wanted to look into it.  But DC Comics hasn't been idle exactly either.  They of course have the big Justice League movie coming out.  Then of course there's the fourth season of "Gotham."  We have it on DVD... which is part of the problem.  These days, it's Blu-Ray or nothing.  My constant viewing companion has been complaining about Professor Pyg, because he's having trouble keeping track of all these plot threads.  I on the other hand realize the necessity of new characters.  Which is why there are over 600 characters in the Simpsons universe... Simpson-iverse?  Simpsiverse?  Unisimps?
Guess I just can't get excited this week.  I'm still sulking over Suburbicon.  America... you make me sad.  Films tend not to come back when they debut in ninth place.  But in three months' time I'll get to get it on Blu-Ray and download my digital copy of the damn thing.  Of course, I've been using 123Copy these days.  Pic quality's a little splotchy, but hey!  Can't argue with results in general, right?
Before I forget, I do want to give a shout out to musical group Imagine Dragons.  They scored a big coup by getting a bastardized version of their hit song "Believer" into a theatrical trailer for the new Murder on the Orient Express.  A toast to their current and future successes, of which there will surely be many.  The only other debut this week is A Bad Moms Christmas, which I think doesn't speak well of male-dominated Hollywood.  So, moms only get to celebrate Christmas on November 5th?  Is that the deal now, guys?  (#77CentsOnTheDollar)  Stay strong, girls and grrls.
While technically the film at #10 this week, Let There Be Light, isn't a debut, this is the first I've seen of it.  You know, because I don't religiously read Variety, and look at their Top 1000 list of all theaters all over the world.  But Let There Be Light is the latest in a string of movies that seems to be made very specifically for The Onion's A.V. Club to trash.  But they don't do it online anymore!  It clearly is up to me now.  LTBL stars Kevin Sorbo, and apparently in this, the 2nd Act of his career, he's finally found Jesus, and is trying to repent for all his Atheist-ish work in the 1st Act of his career, playing... Hercules, mostly.  And to a lesser extent, Kull the Conqueror.  But that's the world we live in, where Kevin Sorbo was once a household name, yet Peter Strauss all but languishes in obscurity.

Short Reviews - November 2017

@Risk - With Rob D'Angelo as Jack

#66: Action Sequences - With Yanda Djaitov as Jack

"#ParangNormal Activity" - With Joshua Joffe as Jack (3 episodes)

"00Angels" "Higher Stakes" - With Darius Green as Jack

09.05.57 - With Caleb Yowell as Jack

10 Things I Hate About You - With Joshua Thorpe as Jock

10.0 Earthquake - With Henry Ian Cusick as Jack

100 balas - With Javier Arroyo as Jack

1001 Faces - With Derek Zuzunaga as Jack

"100MG: Tempest" - With Enrique Arce as Jack

101 Ways (The Things a Girl Will Do to Keep Her Volvo) - With Glenn Fitzgerald as Jack

102 Piit Krungthep Plon (AKA Bangkok Robbery) - With Kowit Wattanakul as Jack

11:14 - With Henry Thomas as Jack

12 - With Adam Longo as Jack

12 - With Sam Trafford as Jack

13 - With Alexander Skarsgård as Jack

13 Hours - With David Dyer as Jack

13 West Street - With Adam Roarke (or Jordan Gerler) as Jack

18 Ans Après - With Grégoire Lavollay-Porter as Jack

"18 Wheels of Justice" "Countdown" - With Barry Sigismondi as Jack

1957 - With Connor Linnerooth as Jack

"1st & Ten: The Championship" "Vindication" - With John Fleck as Jack

The 2 Coolest Ninjas to Ever Kick-it at Lincoln University - With Dustin Capp as Jock

20 Minutes - With Pete Brown as Jack

20 Questions - With Bert Emmett as Jack

20 Seconds of Courage - With Sam Maxwell as Jack

200 Cigarettes - With Jay Mohr as Jack

2020 - With Charlie Gillette as Jack

2043 - With Rowan Davie as Jack

2050: A Room of His Own - With Geoffrey Nolan as Jack

"21 Jump Street" "Fathers and Sons" - With Warren Selko as Jack

21st Century Man - With Taylor Maxwell as Jack

"227" "Where Do We Go From Here?" - With Steve Susskind as Jack

24 Hours to Die - With Camille Yourell as Jack

"24-Hour Call" "Life Line" - With Angus Lennie as Jock

The 2nd Chance - Met Nathaniel Malik als Jack

"2point4 Children" "When Saturday Comes" - With Richard Davies as Jack

3 Days in the Mud - With Bill Cooper as Jack

3 Men and a Little Lady - With Ted Danson as Jack

3 Minute Paradox - With Dan Heubel as Jack

3 Ninjas Knuckle Up - With Charles Napier as Jack

3:21 - With Ryan Templeman as Jack

30 - With Daniel Hutchison as Jack

30 Days to Say Goodbye - With Bradley Bundlie as Jack

"30 Something... else" "Babysitter Part II" - With Lucian Perez as Jack

3000 Miles to Graceland - With Howie Long as Jack

"3rd Rock From the Sun" "Dick, Smoker" - With Jonathan Everett Lewis as Jack

"3rd Rock From the Sun" "Near Dick Experience" - With Alexander Folk as Jack

"3rd Rock From the Sun" "Youth Is Wasted on the Dick" - With Miguel Ferrer as Jack

40 Hours - With Reuben Turner as Jack

451 - With Kyle Cunningham as Jack

45RPM - With Ed Lowry as Jack

5-25-77 - With Mike Markoff AND Michael P. Noens (uncredited) as Jock

500 Pounds Reward - With Claude Fleming as Jack

57 - With Paul R. Kempf as Jack

6 Balloons - With Dawan Owens as Jack

605 - With Cesar Rego as Jack

60th Day - With Max Davidse as Jack

"616" - With Ian Weichardt as Jack (3 episodes)

The 7 - With Derek Craigie as Jock

"7th Heaven" "All Dogs Go to Heaven" - With Christopher Khayman Lee as Jack

"7th Heaven" - With Garrett Strommen as Jack (7 episodes)

"7th Heaven" "Blind" - With Stephen Collins as Rev. Eric Pederast.  Let's leave this one alone now.

9 Ways to Hell - With Blake Freeman as Jack

99 Bottles of Beer - With Tony Le as Jack

99 Homes - With Joseph Angelette as Jack

9am - With Errol Sack as Jack

"A-Lister" "Blacklisted" - With Tyler Dash White as Jack

"A. P. Bio" - With Glenn Howerton as Jack (4 episodes)

"Aaron's Way" - With Ethan Tudor W. as Orphan / Jack (10 episodes)

Abandoned - With Rick Bolton as Jack

"Abandoned" "Driving Lesson" - With Joe Davidson as Jack

"ABC Afterschool Specials" "Tattle: When to Tell on a Friend" - With Luke Edwards as Jack

"ABC Stage 67" "The Wide Open Door" - With Bernard Fox as Jack

"ABC Weekend Specials" "Commander Toad in Space" - With Cory M. Miller as Jack

Abe Lincoln in Illinois - With James Congdon as Jack

"Abomination: The Evilmaker II" - With John Bowker (also the director) as Jack

About Margo - With Dylan (R.) Nix as Jack

"Above Average Presents" "How to Defend Yourself Against a Pit Bull Owner Attack (Ft. Vinny Guadignino)" - With Michael Antonucci as Jack

"Above Average Presents" "Roomie (Room Parody)" - With Lori Zelikson as Jack

Above the Clouds - With Glen McCready as Jack

Abraxas, Guardian of the Universe - With (Zeon) Zion Forest Lee as Jack

Absolute Quiet - With Wallace Ford as Jack

Abstract Art - With Elijah Muldrow as Jack

The Abyss (2016) - With Riley Brown as Jack

Acceptance - With Christopher G. Pike as Jack

Accident - With Pierre Parker as Jack

Acid Test - With Patrick Sane as Jack

"Ackely Bridge" "Episode #1.1" - With Jamie Dorrington as Jack

"Acropolis Now" "Ricky Sings the Blues" - With Wade Beed as Jack

Across the Universe - With Timothy R. Boyce Jr. as Jock

Act of Vengeance - With Peter Brown as Jack

"An Actor's Life for Me" "Not Suitable for Parents" - With Elisabeth Hadfield as Jack

The Actors - With Michael McElhatton as Jock

Acts of Worship - With Christopher McCann as Jack

"Adam" - With Brendan Reardon as Jack

"Adam's Family Tree" "The Irate Pirate" - With Lee Cornes as Jack

Adam's Law - With Bradley Goveia as Jack

"Adderly" "Secrets of the Sun" - With David Ferry as Jack

Addicted - With Sam Crossingham as Jack

"Addled" - With Phil Kruse as Jack

Adjustments - With Al Sapienza as Jack

"Admissions" - With Gianluca Russo as Jack (2 episodes)

"Admit None" - With Steven James Tyler as Jack

Adonis - With Matthew Eriksen as Jack

"Adots Apprentice" - With Ben Fawcett as Jack

Adriana - With Dustin McLean as Jack

Adrift - With Brian Cobos as Jack

Adventures in Babysitting - With Philip Honey as Jock

"Adventures in Speed Dating" "Oldies But Goodies"  - With Jeffrey Fritz as Jack

"Adventures in Speed Dating" "Opa!" - With Michael Barbee as Jack

Adventures Into the Woods: A Sexy Musical - With Kristian Steel(er) as Jack

The Adventures of Black Feather - With Robert Caso as Jack

The Adventures of Jody Shanan - With Ron McPherson as Jock

The Adventures of Penny Patterson - With Mike Magliocca as Jock

"The Adventures of Pete & Pete" "Saturday" - With Vince Giantomasi as Jack

"The Adventures of Puss in Boots" "Adventure" - With John Leguizamo as Jack

"The Adventures of Puss in Boots" "Boots" - With John Leguizamo as Jack

"The Adventures of Robin Hood" "Farewell to Tuck." - With Harold Goodwin as Jack

"The Adventures of Robin Hood" "To Be a Student" - With Roger Bizley as Jack

"The Adventures of Skippy" "Skippy and Tike" - With Deryck Barnes as Jif Jack

"Adventures of Wild Bill Hickok" "Superstition Stage" - With Zon Murray as Jack

Affliction - With Chris Ewing as Jack

"AFK: The Webseries" - With Calum Gittins as Jack (11 episodes)

"African Patrol" "The Robbery" - With Bill Norbury as Jack

After Dark, My Sweet - With Corey Carrier as Jack

After Freedom - With Raff(i) Anoushian as Jack

After School - With Seamus Davey-Fitzpatrick as Jack

After the Infection - With Paul Nandzik as Jack

"After the Promise" - With Blu Mankuma as Jack

After the Smoke - With Sam Reid as Jack

After We Leave - With Brian Silverman as Jack

Aftermath - With Charlie Chaplin Capen as Jack

"Aftermath" - With Robert Urich as Jack

Afternoon Delight - With John Kapelos as Jack

Afternoon Is Night - With Spencer Jones as Jack

Again - With (J.) Trevor J. Davis as Jack

Agape Blue - With Gregory Fuller as Jack

Ageless - With Tyler Reid as Jack

The Agency: Hunt for the Cure - With Andy Thora as Jack... also with Jason Gorze as Jack Steadman

"Agony Again" "Dazed and Confused" - With Dean Gatiss as Jack

Ailsa - With Gary Lydon as Jack

Aimer, Boire et Chanter (AKA Life of Riley) - Avec Michel Vuillermoz son Jack

Air - With Michael Jordan Judah as Jack

Casa Manana - With Larry Rio as Jack... AND with Frank Rio as Jock!!!

"Devil's Dust" "Episode #1.1" - With Scott Witt as Jack... AND with Daniel Henshall as Jock!!!

"Dixon of Dock Green" "Windfall" - With Denis Cleary as Jack... AND with Peter Welch as Jock!!!

"Sharp Objects" "Episode #1.1" - With Wes Robertson as Jack... AND with Matt Bauman as Jock!!!

"Shattered Mind" - With Michael C. Mahon as Jack... AND with Curt Kaplan as Jock!!!

Airborne - With Chris Conrad as Jack... also featuring Jack Black as Augie, for those who care

Airplane! - With Howard Honig as Jack... also with William Tregoe as Jack Kirkpatrick

"Airs de France" "Il Faut Marier Maman" - Avec Christian Borel son Jack

Al Capone: Peace Maker - With Reynald Adolphe as Jack

Ala eh... con Bisoy Hale-Hale-Hoy!  Laging Panalo ang mga Unggoy - With Ramon Christopher as Jack

Alan Partridge's Scissored Isle - With Adem Marshall as Jack

Albino Alligator - With John Spencer as Jack

Alchemy in Hyde Park - With Robert Beshara as Jack... because, you know, as a writer-director, he knows the intrinsic importance of being Jack.

"The Alcoa Hour" "Long After Summer" - With Donald Harron as Jack

Alex in Wonder - With Ryan Freeman as Jack

"ALF" "When I'm 64" - With Phil Leeds as Jack

"The Alfred Hitchcock Hour" "The Star Juror" - With Mark Murray as Jack

"Alfred Hitchcock Presents" "The Changing Heart" - With Robert Sampson as Jack

Alice Agonistes - With Chris Waters as Jack.  Also with Mikey Effie as Young Jack.

"Alice" "Here Comes Alice Cottontail" - With Christopher Tayback as Jack

"Alice" "The Valentine's Day Masssacre" - With Ron Kuhlman as Jack

"Alice" "That Old Back Magic" - With Edward Winter as Jack

"Alice" "Pilot" - With Jack O'Leary as Jack (uncredited)

Alice in the Attic - With Levi Meaden as Jack

"Alien Defender Geo-Armor: Kishin Corps" - With Mark Hildreth and Ryô Horikawa as Jack (voice)

Alien Grounds - With Yan Tual as Jack

Alien Incursion - With Grayson Hosie as Jack

Alive and Kicking - With Antony Sher as Jack

Alive: An Undead Survival Series - With Bradley Lock as Jack

ALIVE: An Undead Survival Series Volume 2 - With Bradley Lock as Jack

All About Evil - With Bette Davis Jesse Pimentel as Jock

"All About Family" "The Baby's Heartbeat" - With Macleish Day as Jack

"All About George" "Episode #1.2" - With Stirling Gee as Jack

All About Town - With Danny Angell-Payne as Jack

All Coppers Are... - With Glynn Edwards as Jock

All Hallows Eve - With Jesse Fortner as Jack

All Hallows' Eve - With Ellis Walding as Jack

All Hallows' Eve 2 - With Tyler Rossell as Jack (segment "Jack Attack", archive footage) and with Ron Basch as Jack (segment "The Last Halloween", archive footage)

All Hands - With John Mills as Jack

All In - With Brian Johnston as Jack

All in Good Time - With Gordon Whiting as Jack

"All in the Family" "Everybody Tells the Truth" - With Ron Glass as Jack

"All in the Family" "New Year's Wedding" - With Joe Bratcher as Jack

"All in the Family" "Super Bowl Sunday" - With Art Metrano as Jack

All Light Will End - With Ted Welch as Jack

"All My Children" "Episode #1.9328" - With Antonie Knoppers as Jock

"All My Children" "Episode Dated 14 July 1986" - With William James Kennedy as Jack

All My Sins Remembered - With Andrew Michael Lou as Jack

"All Saints" - With Alex Blias as Jack (2 episodes)

"All Saints" "Judgement Day" - With Luke Barlow as Jack

All That Matters - With Sam(uel) Delich as Jack

All the Splendour of the Years - With Hong Hsiang Lin as Jack

All Things Go - With Josh Matt Rivera as Jack

All You Got - With Mike Realba as Jack

"All-American Girl" "Redesigning Women" - With Michael Lowry as Jack

"Alle Meine Töchter" "Bösewichte" - Mitt Lars Wellings als Jack

The Alley - With Edward Whitney as Jack

The Alley of Golden Hearts - With John Stuart as Jack

Almost - With Tariq Muinuddin as Jock

Almost Amazing - With Cody Goodfellow as Jack

Almost Crimes - With Will Harris as Jack

Almost Too Late - With David Haines as Jack

Alone - With Justin Tinto as Jack

Alone at Last - With Arthur Lake as Jack

Alpha Delta Zatan - With Kyle Dominguez, Todd Lien, Ruben Ochoa and Matthew Excel Simmons as Jock

"Alpha-Type" - With Eric Shum as Jack

Altar Egos - With Max Morgan as Jack

Always - With Jay Pennick as Jack

"Always Greener" "Dog Days" - With Michael Caton as Jack (uncredited)

Always in the Present - With Matt Garrill as Jack

Always Shine - With Julian Tolentino as Jack

The Amateur - With Matt Bauman as Jack

The Amateurs - With Aldo Bigante as Jack

"Amazing Nurse Nanako" - With Keiichi Sonobe as Jack (6 episodes)

"Amazing Stories" "Mr. Magic" - With Tim Herbert as Jack

"The Amazing Voyage" - With Rodrigo Rivas as Jack (4 episodes)

Amber's Locket - With John Frederick as Jack

Ambition - With JD Cullum as Jack

Amendment - With Juha Sorola as Jack

American Bomber - With Rob Edwards as Jack

American Burger - With Hjalmar Strid as Jock

American Curry Pie - With Denice Riddle as Jack

"American Diner" - With Cody Allen (5 episodes) and Al Gurst (unknown episodes) as Jack

American Drive-In - With Pat(rick) Kirton as Jack

American Fango - With Artie Pasquale as Jack

"American Gods" "The Bone Orchard" - With Beth Grant as Jack

An American Life - With Gene "Eugenio" Minero as Jack

"American Playhouse" "Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, Part I" - With James McDaniel as Jack

"American Playhouse" "Into the Woods" - With Ben Wright as Jack.  Also with Barbara Bryne as Jack's Mother.

American Regicide - With Andrew Patterson as Jack

American Wake - With Billy Smith as Jack

Americana - With John Blyth Barrymore as John / Jack

Amira & Sam - With David Rasche as Jack

Amnesia - With Tim(othy) Smith as Jack

Amoré Scuro - With Jason John Beebe as Jack

Amorous - With Daniel Metz as Jack

Amy - With Dan Gaisford as Jack

"An Bronntanas" - With Ciarán Charles as Jack (5 episodes)

"Anacostia" - With Carey Green as Jack (10 episodes)

And the Cow Goes Moo - With Wayne Roberts as Jack

And Then There Was Eve - With Maxwell Purdy as Jack

"And Then There Was One" - With Steven Flynn as Jack (uncredited)

And Then There's Joe - With Oliver Epstein as Jack

Andorra. Entre el torb i la Gestapo - With Adrià Collado as Jack (2 episodes)

"Andy Capp" - With John Arthur as Jack (6 episodes)

Ang babae sa Bintana - With Rosanna Roces as Jack

Ang daigdig ay Isang butil na Luha - With Ronaldo Valdez as Jack

Angel of the Night - Mitt Henrik Jandorf als Jack

Angel's Ashes - With Jerry Lesperance as Jack

Angel's Perch - With J. T. Arbogast as Jack

"Angelino Heights" "Pilot" - With Julie Goldman as Jack

Angels & Gasmasks - With Nick Chaiken as Jack

"Angels" "Celebration" - With Joseph Brady as Jock

Angels Over Broadway - With Cy Schindell as Jack (uncredited)

Angenehme Ruhe - Mitt Rudolf Platte als Jack

"Anger Management" - With Shannon McClung as Jack (2 episodes)

"Anger Management" - With John M. Keating as Jack (2 episodes)

"Anger Management" "Charlie and Sean's Twisted Sister" - With Roy Abramsohn as Jack

"Anger Management" "Charlie, Lacey & the Dangerous Plumber" - With John Charles Mayer as Jack

The Angry Earth - With Ian Rowlands as Jack

Angst - With Fred Eric Anderson as Jock

"Animal Kingdom" "Child Care" - With Joshua Johnson-Lionel as Jack

Animalis - With Joel Edgerton as Jack

Anomaliya - With Daniil Lazarenkov as Jack

"Another Blackout" "Morning After" - With Kash Hovey as Jack

Another Woman - With Jacques Levy as Jack

Anthony Lost & Found - With Jon Florence as Jack

The Antidote - With Don Macatangay as Jack

Antisocial - With Patrick Alexander as Jack

"Any Day Now" "The Toolshed Behind the Church" - With Nico Zeolla as Jack

Anya - With Gary Hilborn as Jack

Anything but Frogs - With Seth Cash as Jack

"APB" - With Michael Moreland Milligan as Jack (2 episodes)

Apology - With Joe Forbrich as Jack

Appiness - With Derek Johns as Jack

The Apple Tree - With Tom Barber-Duffy as Jack

The Architect of Downfall - With Jason Kettle as Jack

Are You There Eli? - With Christopher Rowley as Jack

Are You There? - With Marcus Payne as Jack

Argo! The Musical - With Jamison Jones as Jack

An Arizona Romance - With George Larkin as Jack

Arizona Summer - With Brent Blair as Jack

"Armchair Theatre" "After the Show" - With Harry Walker as Jock

"Armchair Theatre" "The Girl on the M1" - With Terence Rigby as Jack

"Armchair Theatre" "The Last Word on Julie" - With Andrew Downie as Jock

Around the Corner - With Chris Yung as Jack

Arrest Some Cowboy - With Joel-Ryan Armamento as Jack... and judging from the cast list, probably as the cowboy that gets arrested.  That's how it goes on these small indies: everybody pitches in.

Art of a Butterfly - With Jim Gallagher as Jack

The Art of Dying - With Wings Hauser as Jack

Artifacts - With Sean Gullette as Jack

Artisse - With Tom Combs as Jack

As a Friend - With Madison Harrison as Jack

"As If" "Jamie's POV" - With Freddie Tucker as Jack

As the Sun Casts No Shadow - With Jason Ogden as Jack

"As Told By Ginger" "Ginger the Juvey" - With Warren Sroka as Jock

As We Get Older - With Breckyn Hager as Jack

As You Are - With Owen Campbell as Jack

Ascendance 2: Origins - With Sebastian Morales as Jack

Ascendance: Rise of Cybernetics - With Sebastian Morales as Jack

The Ascendants Anthology - With Kevin 0. Peterson as Jack

"Asian School Girls" - With Andray Johnson as Jack

"A Billion to One" "First in Line" - With Dennis Corsi as Jack

Auteur Watch - Maya Glick

...any relation to Jiminy, I wonder?  He never seems to mention her.  Whelp, she is a newbie to this biz, and I'm only about half familiar with her work, because I saw "Fanarchy" on the telly one night; that seems to be her on the cover.  Her thing is trying to toughen the image of the Marvel superhero Storm that was so thoroughly botched by Academy Award(TM) winner Halle Berry, probably on all occasions, but for wildly different reasons.  And so we get the short feature called Rain.  Now, normally with a perceived threat like this, and Marv Films, the Marvel Super League of copyright lawyers would spring into action.  But as explained in "Fanarchy," they try to go easy on the superfans, and for the most part just let them do their thing.  In the case of Fanboys, well... one of them BETTER be dying, or they WILL be dying!  Probably from clinging to the electric fence around the estate!

Auteur Watch: George Clooney

...did anyone else notice this while watching La La Land?  There was the scene where Ryan Gosling was in his apartment, and he was playing the piano.  And it seemed like they re-dubbed his playing with someone else's, which seemed a little unnecessary.  But then I thought that, well, maybe it's an actual L.A. apartment they're in, so the sound outside is probably drowning out everything.  Plus, there were probably a lot of gawkers outside as well, and security guards trying to hold back the throngs wanting to catch a glimpse of Ryan Gosling.  Never did finish the movie; a little too L.A. narcissistic for my taste, but someday I will really sit down and watch it on a double bill with Up in the Air.
Anyway, America... you make me sad.  Ever since 2002, George Clooney has directed a film every three years.  We've got 2002's Confessions of a Dangerous Mind, 2005's Good Night and Good Luck, 2008's Leatherheads... that's the black sheep of the family, if only in my mind... There's 2011's The Ides of March, 2014's The Monuments Men... and now, 2017's Suburbicon, the long rumoured Coen script in which Clooney was supposed to play a guy who gets beaten to death with a golf club, because someone else saw Pacific Heights too!  There even was a sustained TV and IMDb-based ad campaign for the damn movie.  You might've seen it too.  I only seem to watch "The Daily Show" and it was there!  And that's, like... the most popular show on TV!  Alas, it wasn't meant to be.  Maybe it's only in 300 theaters or something, mostly in the Midwest.  Well, people stayed away because they saw the ads and went "...Paramount?  I thought Clooney was a WB man, through and through.  Nope, ain't going to see it."
No, people wanted a little more fantastical version of violence, so they went to see Jigsaw.  Ick.  Well, it was #1 with a piddly 16.3 million dollars, so Jigsaw will go on to play against Jason in the semi-finals.  Alien seems to be winning on the Alien v. Predator side of things.  No one likes Predator anymore.
Meanwhile, at #6, it's Thank You For Your Service.  It made $3.7 million domestic, so I think the phrase is safe.  People probably aren't going to confuse it for the movie any time soon.

Submarines Make Me Feel Fine

Whelp, better late than never, right?  Is The Hunt for Red October (1990) one of those movies that you need to see before you die?  Or is it just another tile from the big tile factory?  ...like I need to tell you, that's from one of the episodes of "Feud: Bette and Joan."  Well, the Maltin guide gives it 3.5 stars, so clearly it's got legs and a bit of goodwill behind it.  The book nerds at my high school were excited about Tom Clancy finally getting his Hollywood due, being both fans of fine literature and the fine Cold Warriors that they were.
I will say that perhaps Clancy was trying to warn us with the one character named Putin.  But the Russians on that vessel took care of that guy, that's for sure.  Thought he could just take over the whole sub by himself, eh?  Harumph!  Maybe history will repeat itself, who knows.  But I do know this: Sean Connery plays a bad guy here... or does he?  This isn't The Hill or The Offence, after all.  Plus, the producers were thinking blockbusters and sequels, so you know they weren't going to get too dark with the proceedings.  Sorry... SPOILER ALERT(s).  That it's rated a mere "PG" instead of "PG-13" is merely a sign of the times.  A "PG" rating was still fashionable then; now it's kind of the kiss of death.  Your blockbuster of today has to be a PG-13; how close to an 'R' you are allowed to get depends probably mostly on the budget.  Take The Dark Knight, for example.  Some messed-up $#... stuff in there, just sayin'.  In case you didn't know.
For me, the plot gets a little too ridiculous at times.  Mostly the drama of a helicopter running out of fuel while trying to land Jack Ryan on the top of the American sub.  Then of course, there's the moment when Jack Ryan gets onto Sean Connery's sub, and the Americans and Russians team up to kick some Russian sub ass together... sorry, SPOILER ALERT.  Other than that, a fine sub-based drama.  Who doesn't like a good paradigm shift in their cinematic experiences?  In case you didn't know, the story is basically about the drama that unfolds when the Russians gain an advantage in submarine technology, able to slip and slide about under the sea undetected by NATO tracking equipment.
Now, I did happen upon the following "conspiracy" theory about Hunt for Red October (directed by John McTiernan) and the Die Hard series... at least, the installments directed by John McTiernan.  That one involves the involvement of one actor who plays roles in all of the movies.  I think I can do him one better.  In both Die Hard 1 and The Hunt for Red October, both involve a black nerd ("blerd"?  Am I allowed to use that term?) who's pivotal to the plot.  Fortunately, he's on America's team in Red October.  Both DH1 and Hunt have a scene where a guy's crawling around in a tight space, and doing sarcastic commentary to himself.  And did anyone else think that the big explosion at the end of Hunt (spoiler alert) looked a little bit like the big explosion in the middle of Die Hard 1 when Bruce Willis blows up the bad guys' big cache of explosives located in the middle of the building?  Guess I better go to my local video store and try to rent the two of them.  Sadly, my DVD collection's a little incomplete.  Also, I didn't use Microsoft SQL Server 2012 to catalogue it, so, sorry to the database nerds out there.  Those are the big three similarities that occur to me off the top of my head.  Not that McTiernan repeats himself that much.

***
-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

Auteur Watch - Ron Glass

...Alton's father, perchance?  Anyway, this will be a first test of just how popular "Barney Miller" is.  Because even a workaholic like Ron Glass longs... longed for bigger and better things.  Wonder if there's social mobility in Heaven?  I guess there is, when one thinks of Seraphim and Cherubim and what not.  It's not enough just to be even an angel, go figure.  There are alpha, beta and omega members of, say, the X-Men and the Justice League, after all.
But let's face it.  Ron's a star, just not a big star.  You never hear anyone talk about him playing Felix Unger on "The New Odd Couple."  For that matter, when was the last time they played Bustin' Loose on cable?  I mean, it's Richard PRYOR, for God's sake!  And he's bustin' loose!  Why can't we see that every now and again?  Then again, you don't hear much about the new Honeymooners either.  But I think I know how it is.  I'm an average guy, and Ron seems like an average guy, and going from actor to director means a move into management.  Average guys tend not to want to make that move.  You know, and ruin the delicate friendships they've worked so hard to cultivate.  Orchids and morels, they are.  Or like my dad says, whenever he goes to play poker.  If you win big in the first thirty minutes, well... you can't just get up and leave!  People don't like that!  Might not want to play with ya in future tourneys.  They're angry enough already as it is.
But the time eventually came to give it a try.  Ron was tired of watching all his friends getting pulled up by their bootstraps, while he sat by and no one helped.  So he wanted to get a chance to put his ass in that physically humble yet symbolically all-powerful director's chair.  But he didn't want to do an episode of either "Amen" or "Rhythm & Blues."  Because, again, his friends.  Who wants to direct their friends?  Especially when the demons come out because of the looming deadlines.  Looming deadlines always tend to bring them out.  So, an episode of something called "Stat" would have to do.  Oh, but I do it injustice.  After all, as of this writing it's got an 8.7 out of 10 on the IMDb.  Of course, only seven people voted so far.  The Shawshank Redemption, in contrast, has a 9.3, but 1.8 million people have cast a vote!  Now, the episode he did is called "High Society."  Wonder if it's anyone's favourite?  Probably not Dennis Boutsikaris.  Probably doesn't remember doing it.  He's too busy bringing roses to Ron Silver's grave, and telling reporters that he's the best thing on "Better Call Saul."