Saturday, July 22, 2006

Yarrgh! And the latest cinematic Scuttle-poop

test cinematic... damn jumping cursor! I currse thee... Anyway, better post again before I forget how. Life... taking over! Not good. So what have I been up to? Finally thrown off the Full Metal Jacket addiction for a while; starting to turn into a marine. Here's an interesting fact you might not know about the movie Full Metal Jacket: no one actually wears a jacket made of metal in the whole movie! And Kubrick had them made and everything, too; girl, you know he did. That was the primary cost of the movie; damn perfectionists. D'Onofrio needed a larger one, what with the weight gain and all.
Anyway, let's take a look at the latest news, and for that there's really only one place to go: Moviefone, baby! Remember the Seinfeld Moviefone episode? Of course you do! One of the headlines is: Will Spider Man end with #3? Gee, I hope not. However, what with the budgets skyrocketing on each one, the fourth will have to cost at least 500 million to make. That money better be up there on the screen, that's all I know! And Sony... , but Spidey is tackling a lot of villians this time. There's only one solution to that: have them all jet-ski towards each other like in Waterworld... oops! Sorry. fprgpt to say Spoilers! There's also something about the Top 700 best superhero movies ever... obviously, I didn't have time to read the whole list. Hey! I ain't Jeff Albertson here! However, I do know that Payola was involved because Constantine was in the top 30...
The other big story is the premiere of Clerks 2: Ec-clerk-tic Boogaloo. Oh, c'mon, now! There's no way this is not going to be funny, right? Well, apparently Joel Siegel walked out of the premiere, about 30 minutes into it. I point that fact out because it's going in the new TV spot: "It's a Generation Gap War, folks! Don't trust anyone over 30. They'll only see Clerks 2 for 30 minutes and walk out, like a g--damn sissy movie critic." That, and the "If you think you've seen it all before... see it again!" spots will be playing soon. I'm hoping for the best, of course, but they might have to downgrade from "#1 movie in America" to "#1 Comedy in America" to "#1 NEW comedy in America!" Damn you, Little Man!
Incidentally, they say Kevin Smith's never done a Clerks sequel before. Well, unless you count The Flying Car (2002) (TV), or the animated TV show... which we won't, even though it followed Who Wants to be a Millionaire. When Regis was on, and the show was good, and the whole world was watching.. Regis! Well, I didn't want to spill the beans, but... another spoiler! He's actually making two Clerks sequels back-to-back like everyone else these days. Clerks 3 will hit in about six months. They're always spaced six months apart. Except for PTC3. There always has to be an exception.
What other new movie news? Well, I must say, shame on Jay Leno. Shame, sir! He made a joke about Haley Joel Osment crashing his car recently. Leno called him a "former child actor". Former child actor? Hey, we're not talking about Rick Schroeder or Soleil Moon Frye or Barrett Oliver here! Isn't HJO a little bigger than that? ...guess not. Yeah, he's right. He's always right. I didn't watch ... what was that turkey called? Self-made Lions? And I guess the voice-over work's suffering ever since they dropped. Well, whatever the reason for the car crash ... ah! Not yet a part of his mini-IMDb bio yet... we're pulling for you, buddy. If nothing else, daddy will get another job with Spielberg playing someone's assistant. And next time, if you have to crash a car, do it closer to the release date!
And now, an update on the only new movie I care about, NCFOM... I don't know. In this age of CSI, and NCIS and The Unit and The Shield, and whatever the hell else is on TV in the realm of cop / police detective shows... does anyone care anymore? Will anything stick? Just how jaded are we? Is there a Jade-o-meter? Are the Republicans using it against us? Incidentally, here's a great Coen bros. site: it says NCFOM's going to have about a 30 million dollar budget, and Hail Caesar is definitely going to cost WAY less than Intolerable Cruelty. Play it safe for a while, guys. :)

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