Sunday, October 07, 2007

Okay, Plan B... Plan B

Okay, this is it. 10:14am. I've got less than an hour to get this done. We'll see what comes first: my deadline, or the proverbial Changing of the Data. As it is, there aren't many new debuts here. At #1 it's the latest that the Rock's got cooking, and it would be Conan and the Football Player, indeed! Oh, that O'Brien has such good rapport with certain guests. Jim Carrey, for example; well, at least when the cameras are rolling. So what does the Rock have cooking this time? Orphan? Dame? It's an orphan, and this time he's not the coach in this new football scenario.* Guess he's finally shaken off the last remaining fragments of the WWE, just as Ice Cube finally shed all his street cred with XXX2: The Next Level... I mean, the Are We There Yet SERIES! I'm still waiting for the trilogy. I want someone to give me the 3-DVD pak for Xmas, dammit! Along with the anniversary version of the Friday trilogy.

At #2 it's The Kingdom. I don't know, I think Michael Mann's dumbing himself down slightly with this and the new Miami Vice movie. I mean, I'm sure it's still urbane and sophisticated and all that, but Colin Farrell's no Don Johnson. I never thought I'd hear myself type that! That's what I'm talking about! Anyway, I further contend that this is a slippery slope to more movies about Saudi Arabia, and the next thing you know they pull the plug on the American dollar along with China, and our economy's REALLY in the crapper. Death to solar power!

As for 3 to 10, it's just too depressing to contemplate. Speaking of which, 3:10 to Yuma has the largest take this week at 44 million total. See what I mean? No more Bourne 3. No more Superbad. Oh, tell me Rogen's got a Christmas movie coming out! (research) ...nah, guess we gotta wait til 2008. Pineapple Express? Sounds like a riff on The Polar Express, with a dash of Midnight Express thrown in; kinduva Defiant Ones, but with user and dealer chained together this time, both fighting against the real enemy. Just a thought!

Anywho, I want to give one last shout out to #10 this week, the not-abstract-enough Across The Universe, another tribute to the Beatles that has to do it without the benefit of their original music. Now I'm no expert on the biz, but I think it may be time for director Julie Taymor to take that sure-fire box office project next, and I know just the one. It's an obscure Joe Eszterhas script about Britney Spears. I know it's been floating around Hollywood a long time, but it's time to stand up and act like a director, dammit! Your career's on the line. Hire big! Get Tim Rice and Andrew Lloyd Webber, maybe Stephen Sondheim to musical-ify it. Maybe get Bill Condon to dust off the script a bit, get some of that Chicago magic. Ooh! You should of course expand the story to include the side-sagas of Christine Aguilera and Jessica Simpson. You could get Aguilera to play Jessica Simpson, and vice versa. You know, a new spin on the new cliché.

Okay, here's another idea...

* Hmm! Something vaguely sexual in that sentence, dontcha think?

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