Ah, the brand spankin' new year. But the box office still must bring us some of the stale old movies of last year. Why, I can't even remember my impressive local fireworks display! Must've slept through it. Anyway, let's all hope there's a little less spanking in the New Year, as it's only been a couple weeks, and kids in real life couldn't be that bad already, could they?
But before we get to that, alas, NCFOM's already slipping from its all time high of #15 in the IMDb Top 250, down to 23. Still, that's pretty good. Most films don't do that. On the other hand, it's probably not going to bode well for Burn After Reading. Why, I can see the headlines now: Coens slip and falter again with another shrill, over-produced dud that lies there like a turd on the screen... people can be so fickle.
All right, back to the current crop! Guess we'll just start with the triumph of NT2. It's like Titanic all over again; may it be #1 for another 14 weeks. Well, it's not all a rosy picture. Sure, Nat'l Trez raked in another 20 mill of loot, but it looks like Alvin & the Chipmunks has made 5 million more total? I'm not feeling the magic, people!
Meantime, in a hotly contested debate Juno kicked its way to #2! Hysterical pregnancy, indeed! Well, it's still trying to figure out what kind of blockbuster it wants to be... Ah yes! This Flash ad says it's the #1 Comedy in America. Well, NT2's the funniest #1 action pic! Man, what's a blockbusta gotta do to get some respekt?
#3: see above. I mean, it's I Am Legend! Ah yes, based on a previous screenplay. A screenplay by Team Corrington! Ooh, they were good. The 70s seem to be their best decade. ...Hey, check out the rack on that 'bot chick from the Terminator series on Fox!
#4: Chipmunks and the Alvin: see #1.
#5: Ah, finally! A newbie! And it's called One Missed Call. Yawn. Don't care. Another Japanese import, or is it another Saw spin-off in disquise? Oh, Burns, tell me you got to inject some of your unique take on modern relationships into the mix. As for you, Ms. Sossamon, well, even Jessica Alba went through a spell like this. Let's hope your career turns out more like hers and less like Tia Carrere. Oh, snap!
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As for the rest, well... at #6 it's Charlie Wilson's War, Charlie Brown! Still hanging in there, Oh, good, it got a gaggle of Golden Globe noms. Sadly, even this stalwart cinematic sensation might not be able to keep the GG's on the air. That's the rumour, anyway. Why not run with it?
At #7 it's P.S. I Love You. Well, it's just not a LaGravenese pic if Holly Hunter's not in it. Sorry, but I feel strongly about this.
#8 brings us the latest revival of the Loch Ness monster... or does it just pick up where Harry and the Hendersons left off? It's The Water Horse! And Brian Cox plays the old hand who helps us along by explaining the story as the kids get to have fun with ol' Loch-y, or whatever the Greenpeace types are calling it these days. I'd take this time to mention the career of Jay Russell, but a) it's too depressing a tale to tell, but b) at least he came back in a strong way. Took kind of a break after his 1987 entry, but is now on track with a film every 2 years, and well on his way to building a lasting legacy in the ledgers of cinema.
Sweeney Todd at 9, Atonement at 10... and with that, isn't it time for us all to atone for ... something? Man, movie musicals have just been sputtering and flip-flopping around the bottom of the boat since Chicago left us in the lurch. Why, even Alien v. Predator 2 didn't make it! Sorry, Busby, you'll have to wait for the next generation to re-discover you. Zei gezunt.
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