Saturday, July 05, 2008

brought to you by ... THE LIP SQUAD

And it's the super-babes who reign triumphant in second place this week! With her undeniable, overpowering sexiness that even Jennifer Aniston couldn't fight, Jolie plays a character named Fox in Wanted. You know, if I were her, I'd object to such objectification of women. But we're living in the age of sexy sexism. Why, I remember when they had ads on the TV for films like A Fine Mess where the chick is walking away into the bedroom and disrobes on the way in. What do they call that in the biz? Cucaloris, something like that. There's a term for everything nowadays. See, nowadays, when a movie starlet does that she has to have a giant tattoo on her back or something, or one of those tummy bracelets. See, there's more pressures on girls and women nowadays, even from me! Well, not so much from me, and that's such a turn-off.
And speaking of Jolie, she's also featured in this week's #4 entry, Kung Fu Panda. Speaking of which, I haven't been to Panda Express in a while. They running ads for it there? If not, they missed a golden opportunity. Lucy Liu's in it, too. Wasn't she great on Ally McBeal? You remember her character of course, all you pervs out there, right? Also doing voices are Seth Rogen, Kyle Gass and Wayne Knight. Between them and Jack Black, that's gotta represent a metric ton of Hollywood male un-sexiness, am I right ladies?
At #6 it's The Love Guru. If Mike Myers had a production company, it'd be an unhappy couple months there. Someone else beat me to the wise-ass observation that Myers picked a weak director so he could control the shoot. On their behalf, looks like they've been working their way up through the previous films of M. Jay Roach to become a director in their own right. Man, I wouldn't trade places with them for anything. So many years of ass-kissing, so many wasted months on something called 'The Librarian'. Are you TRYING to alienate the American market? As for you, Myers, better get cracking on Austin Powers 4. Remember! Demi Moore's the love interest this time.
On to #8, it's The Happening. What is this, the swinging 60s?
And moving quickly on to #10... oh wait, that's right, already did it. At #9, closing out the feminist shanghai-ing of the box office, it's Sex and the City. A buddy of mine asked me, doesn't that look awful? Well, he's just a sexist, right, ladies?
Did I cover all the points? Oh yeah, the other members of The Lip Squad. Lemme know if I left any out. I tried to find a good photo of the Bratz, but I wasn't happy with them. Check out Scully in The X Files part 2: Chris Carter Has to Believe.

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