Saturday, July 05, 2008

I Don't Need No Wah-Wah

As in WA(LL-E) and WA(nted). Get it? Anyway, this is why I have to do something I think I've never done before. I have to split this week's top 10 into oddsies and evensies to reflect the trends at work here. On the one hand you have the G-rated Wall-E from Pixar at #1, and at a close second you have the Russian blood and sex fest that is Wanted at #2. I haven't seen anything like it since... since... since Jurassic Park 2 and Addicted to Love opened at #1 and #2! Something like that. It's all I could think of; sorry. So let's break it down like a proverbial enzyme; I haven't got all night.
Boy, that Pixar can sell anything. Yeah, but they'll get cocky someday and release a raunchy beach party movie that one of the Pixar bigwigs wrote 25 years ago, I can feel it. Meantime, the robot flick made a whopping 63 million dollars. Just another day at the office for these folks. The key is the merchandising, I'd imagine. Am I right, parents? Wall-E lunch boxes, Wall-E glasses for the kids, Wall-E combination binoculars and digital camera from Hammacher Schlemmer? Hell, you could probably get a battery-powered Wall-E single-person sized car like George Clooney supposedly drives around, but have it shaped like Wall-E. But when it's Oscar time, I have the feeling that Kung Fu Panda's going to get it. Just a feeling. Might be wrong, might be wrong.
Anywho, at #3 it's Get Smart. Happy now, all you Carell fans who hated Evan Almighty? Can ya blame a guy for stretching his acting legs? Nice to see whats-his-face from Borat getting some more work. Just as long as I don't have to see him naked in this one.
Moving on briskly to #5, and it's ... what was it? The Incredible Hulk. Well, I hope you're happy. You've hurt Ang Lee's feelings. He's Stan Lee's brother, you know. I'd expect that kind of thing from him, but I certainly wouldn't have expected that from you.
At #7 it's Indiana Jones 4, just finally passing the 300 million mark. Well, Spielberg must be happy about that! I can't remember the last time he did that. Lemme check. Amistad? Munich? The Terminal? Oh, I'm getting sidetracked again. Guess it was Jurassic Park. Man, it kicked Last Action Hero's ass all over the place! Hah! I the only one who remembers? I mean, besides this guy?
And finally, at #9... nah, let's make it #10. I'll tie in #9 later somehow. At 10 it's Zohan, numerically and alphabetically at the end of our list. Smell it, smell it, now take it, yeah, it'll take a while to get that out of my head. But it'll be on cable soon enough, and it'll be just like all the other Happy Madison films on cable, won't it?
Welp, since I just watched Forrest Gump, that's all I have to say about that!

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