Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Box Office Review by the Massie Twins... (again?)

Wow! Between G.I. Joe and G-Force, I'm all gee-whizzed out. I haven't seen G.I. Joe yet, but I think that falling Eiffel Tower could've used a few more passes through Renderman or something. There was something not quite right about it. I didn't know CGI models were also made of toothpicks! Cool!

Anyway, yes. GI Joe is #1, thank God. Some things you can still depend on. But I would expect nothing less from director Stephen Sommers. Maybe not a remake of Deep Rising, but nothing less than #1 for this thingie. I bet he got a little kick out of the fact that The Mummy 3 didn't reach #1, but that's what it gets for opening in the wake of The Dark Knight. Duh! On the other hand, one of the IMDb headlines was "Critics be damned! GI Joe's #1..." I hate to say I was ahead of the curve, but most of us already know that that's the trade-off: some movies get panned by the critics, like Transformers 2, and go on to rake in big bucks at the box office with a really big and awesome rake. Most movies die quick, sometimes deserved deaths... right, Rudin? Some films like Quantum of Solace can sometimes have it all: a blockbuster with a modicum of action, plot AND character development... I know. Bad example. But here's my question: if Brendan Fraser's not in the movie, how come his assistant gets credit?

Clocking in at a close second, little to no surprise, it's Julie and Julia. Oh, Nora Ephron's just lucky the economy's picking up again, and yuppies are a little more willing to spend money on the fun things. But not content to play it safe and trust her product, PBS had old classic reruns of ... you guessed it! Julia Child! Who knew? Sadly, Julia Child looks a little less like Meryl Streep and a little more like Susan Boyle. But at least she doesn't give off that creepy maternal Martha Stewart vibe. No, we've already been through that movie, thank you very much. Incidentally, Nora's next project will be Searching for Fred Rogers. I think it'll be about the Blue's Clues guy. William H. Macy will portray Fred Rogers... not quite a facial match, but you can't have everything, right? Besides! He's an actor's actor! He can do anything... and probably shouldn't.

At #3, it's G-Force. Don't care. At #4 it's Harry Potter and the... don't care. Finally, rounding out the top 5 this week is ... Ordinary People, Crazy People, Smart People, Winter People, Fierce People... Funny People! That's it! I hate to say I told you so, but...
At #6 is The Ugly Truth. Appropriately titled somehow, seeing as how it's like a cat in a cartoon, sliding down the curtain, clinging with all claws, slowly ripping its way to the floor. Dang, that must be painful for a poor kitty. In reality. At #8, Aliens in the Attic manages to avoid my year-end wrap up. We'll see if A Perfect Getaway at #7 is that lucky.

At #10, 500 Days of Summer breaks through the canopy and gets some light! Now, how come The Hurt Locker's been unable to do that? Personally, I think I'm burned out on all so-called romcoms forever and ever, amen. Indeed, God has hardened my heart and... in a stunning reversal of fortune, Orphan and Summer switch places! Orphan drops to #10, and Summer rises to #9!
Big deal. I'm outta here.

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