Friday, August 14, 2009

Haven't I suffered enough? Mr. Accident

Let's face it. Sometimes movies are like Big Macs: you don't have to see the whole thing to know what you're going to get. If it's an Adam Sandler movie, can you even doubt that a bully's going to beat up on Sandler's character? Or Nick Swardson? Or that Rob Schneider's going to show up at some point? If it's a Zack Snyder picture, can you even doubt that the film will slow down so we can enjoy the stabbings all the more? If it's a Stanley Kubrick pic, can you even doubt there will be dramatic xylophone music? You get the idea.
Or sometimes, you'll just barely miss the opening credits. Why, I can't tell you how many times I came in on the same 15-minutes-into-the-movie mark with Big Trouble (2002). (technically, 2001 - the release date was pushed back because of... you guessed it! 9/11.) Or the time I and my viewing companions came in late on Them Thar Hills and we didn't realize that the... well, I don't want to give it away. The same goes with 2000's Mr. Accident: a Yahoo Serious joint. Arguably, it does sound like a Roberto Benigni vehicle. Actually, it sounds like the working title, but that's just me. I'm a jaded sophisticate that way. Why, that's not even his name! It's Crumpkin! Good comedy name. Like Marty McFly or Lincoln Hawk.
Now, of course, the jaded sophisticates over at The Onion compare this to a Farrelly Brothers vehicle. Oh, please. Maybe a '90s Farrelly vehicle, but now they've got Oscar pretensions: a little too heavy on the sob stuff, not enough of the gross-out stuff anymore. No, this is more like an Adam Sandler vehicle: not quite for the adults, but not quite something you'd want to have babysit your kids, either. A lot of sexual innuendos, a dash of decolletage, and of course there's the matter of the fat bottomed cop. SPOILERS! Normally, you wouldn't think to ask yourself in a film like this if you were eventually going to see that ass naked... or am I just that out of touch with modern cinema? No, of course not. Don't be silly.
Where was I? Oh yeah. The hipsters over at the Onion also said that Yahoo Serious (neƩ Greg Pead) is a Johnny Rotten look-alike, but I will come to Serious' defense here: Yahoo's more like Rotten's more handsome twin brother. With a 10% Rastafari haircut... Damn! TV time early. I gotta go, but let me just briefly add that the cascading garbage sequence is damn near a classic. Sometimes, a film has a gentleness of spirit that you're willing to cut it some slack. As for the bad guy, well, ya blew it, Yahoo! This was the perfect chance for you to play TWO parts: Yin and Yang. And dare I say his anxiety over turning 40 is YOUR anxiety, Mr. Serious? I mean, Mr. Accident? Boo-yah! Nailed it. I gotta go...

-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

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