Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Close enough...

Oh, this is just too good to start at #1. Time to break down this week's box office starting with #10: The Final Destination is now on its way to the video stores. Knocking Whiteout to #11 or lower, it's had quite a run indeed. Surely this isn't the last installment? Maybe whoever wins the Alien v. Predator court case can move on to The Big Dance and face off with Final Destination there.
Moving briskly on to #9, it's Sorority Row, a horror franchise in the making... or did it make enough to justify a sequel? If it were up to me, sure, but cooler heads shall always prevail in these matters, I'm afraid. Meanwhile, All About Steve is about to go down in flames. That may be the end of the story for that would-be franchise. Besides, I'm still waiting for Hope Floats 2, if only on video with Amanda Bynes and Drake Bell in the leads. Forest won't come back to direct, but Sandra will executive produce and return as a grandmother, telling Amanda to not make the mistakes she once made. You've seen it all before, folks.
Inglorious Basturds rounds out the Top 7, and 9 rounds out the Top 6. I have to call it 9 (Nine) in Excel, otherwise it skews my data.
Awright, enough of that crap. On to the winners! At #5 is the highly promoted Jennifer's Body. Welp, looks like Megan Fox won't get to ask for 20 million for Transformers 3. No, Bay would just as quickly replace her with Demi Moore. What? Demi could still pull it off! I'll save my other quips for next week, if this turkey's still around. Things like Needy? A girl named Needy. Perfect. If a MAN wrote this screenplay, he'd be crucified for that character name.
And speaking of bad movie names, #4's Love Happens has a hoot: Jennifer Aniston plays Eloise! Aaron Eckhart does NOT play Abelard. For shame. I consider it a lost opportunity. Hopefully, he does, too.
Numbers 3 and 2, no surprise there, but #1! I shoulda known, but I coulda sworn the non-kid demographic would come through for me this week. Notta chance. No, it's the kid friendly Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs at #1. Which means that Bill Hader might finally get to kiss his day job at SNL goodbye, but who knows? Those jobs are worth having these days. Except for Darrell Hammond. Where's his superfluous roles in Adam Sandler bombs? Where's his cameos in Judd Apatow / Ben Stiller productions? I gotta get cracking on that Neo-Rat Pack thing of mine. I better go...

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