Why, it seems like only yesterday that Madea Goes to Jail was in theaters... oh, wait, it was February 22nd. And now, almost seven months later, we get the next installment in the ongoing Madea series, and it's called I Can Do Bad All By Myself. From what I can tell, the film version is a sheer bastardization of the stage play. Van Morrison's song cut out. The young black man out of prison replaced by a Mexican. Everybody's STILL outsourcing these days. Apparently a decent living wage isn't a moral issue yet. But lemme just say this to all you haters out there: Madea sure can deliver a good malapropism when pressed to. Mixing toupee with toothpaste? Does NOTHING warm the hearts of you big city slicker types?
All right, enough about that. Coming in at #2, a film that dares go where Pixar can't afford to yet: PG-13 territory. And at a fraction of the budget! It's called 9. And it's another one of these feature adaptations of a great student film. Oh, they never turn out right, I tells ya. I like the ads for this because they say: from producers Tim Burton and Tim Beck-Mumbles-a-lot... hmmm. That sounds half-right. Better look it up... Timur Bekmambetov, that's it. And no, he's not Borat's wacky sidekick. I guess you could call him the Russian Guillermo Del Toro... something like that.
And sticking with just the debuts this week, we've got two more to go! Four debuts in a week even though summer's supposed to be winding down here! What gives, eh? The horror has it with two fresh horrific entries, Sorority Row and Whiteout. Whiteout is basically a reboot of The Thing (from Another World), meets Ice Station Zebra. Meets The Day After Tomorrow? Oh, we could go on forever. As for Sorority Row, well... poor Carrie Fisher. It's come down to this. I hope you got as much of that $16 million budget as you could. I just hope you didn't catch any of that crew gossip like Meryl did in Postcards. I better go.