There is No Joy in Gelbartville............

...as one of the Zynga servers crashed and everyone's got to start their crops over.  Actually, I was going to go with Bieberville because of the recent feud between Seth Rogen and Justin Bieber... or was it all a setup to sell more tickets?  Nah, that can't be it.  Maybe to sell more bottles of Proactiv, the zit cream of this generation of rock stars.  No, the real insult from this week's #1 movie, Neighbors, goes to the ones the mortals used to call Larry Gelbart, mega-screenwriter of M*A*S*H (the TV show) and of the all-but-forgotten 1981 comedy, Neighbors, starring John Belushi and Dan Aykroyd.  Yes, Gelbart's in heaven right now, looking down and cursing Rogen and company.  Why, he'd probably say "Neighbors is my vision, despite Rogen and company's lifelong mission to deprive anybody of credit connected with that movie."  Need I remind you of two things?  That one, we were attacked on September 11th, 2001 and two, you adapted it from a Thomas Berger novel.... mmm.... burger.  The point being, while people may still not feel sympathy for Jay Mohr for having suffered on the Tonight Show couch next to the Biebs, attacking Justin Bieber appears to be a great business model.  Let's see how far we can push this thing, people.  I want to see an article on the Onion titled "You know who else hates Justin Bieber?  Justin Bieber!"
But we're probably getting ahead of ourselves.  There's two other debuts this week: Garry Marshall's latest holiday fest Moms' Night Out... somehow that apostrophe doesn't feel right.  It debuted at #7, so maybe Patricia Heaton can blame that on Democrats.  The other is the latest sub-Pixar production, but with grade A source material, called Legends of Oz: Dorothy's Return, the long awaited threepeat of Walter Murch's Return to Oz.  Personally, I would've cast Aykroyd as the cowardly lion, but the Scarecrow's a much cooler character... but he and Belushi will switch roles on Broadway, like Philip Seymour Hoffman and John C. Reilly did with True West.  It debuted at #8.  Martin Short didn't even bother to mention it recently on Conan.  The Onion gave it a "D."  Happy now, filmmakers?  You made the Onion cry, for God's sake!