Sunday, August 13, 2017

Auteur Watch - Geretta Geretta

I don't know why, but for some reason I wasn't looking forward to profiling this person.  I'm probably just afraid of a strong, confident woman, as most men are, heterosexual or otherwise.  Also, I don't have a sister, which probably explains a lot, misinforms my thinking in innumerable ways.  Or maybe I'm just jealous of members of the Cosa Nostra... or is it Conde Nast?  I always mix those two up.  But I have seen their magazines in the waiting areas of my local HMO lately... probably the Conde Nast.  I'd love to go to exotic places and eat exotic, probably non-kosher foods, I really would... but I have to wait another month for me gutty-whats to properly heal.  Kinda tough when you have to get up every hour or two to hit the head.
...sorry, got distracted again.  But really, I'm so not the proper person to tell the story of Geretta (Giancarlo) Geretta.  They say that this was written by A. Nonymous... but really, I think it's just a clever alias for G. G. herself.  But like a few of the lucky people who are told all their young lives that they're good looking and ought to be in movies, Geretta actually did something about it.  When things weren't panning out for her too well in the states, it was off to Italy, where she worked her way up to something called Demons (1985).  You'll find what I'm assuming is a compilation of her scenes in that movie right here on YouTube... I guess I wasn't in the mood for it just now.  Maybe I'm just more squeamish now that I'm older, but I will say that a lesser film would have showed a woman's brains when the top of her head gets partially ripped off.  In Demons (1985), you only see a pool of blood.  Thank GOD chivalry prevailed.
Anyway, having conquered the field of cinema acting in the 1980's, and working a lot harder than she ever thought she would, Geretta x 2 decided it was time for a break.  The beginning of a new American decade is as good a time as any to try a career change.  Alas, the ten year gap on her IMDb résumé doesn't tell the whole story... and the average 9 to 5 job, guarded ferociously by top notch job interviewers, had a lot of trouble with that large gap as well.  Which is why we must return to the bio page of Geretta squared for the answer.  You know, a lesser talent would have put the short films "When Fish Fly" and "Love to Share" on their IMDb résumé, but not GG.  No way, know how.  Well, maybe one of them is on YouTube... boo!  Wild Kratts?  What's that?  I don't care about Wild Kratts!  I don't care about the "When Fish Fly" episode of Wild Kratts!  I typed in the search field Geretta GERETTA's When Fish Fly episode!  I mean, short film!  Sadly, the internet just can't do everything yet, sorry to say.
Anyway, life gets in the way, and Geretta's ambition to move from in front of the movie camera to behind it took a little longer than it should have... but it eventually DID happen, haters and losers.  Take THAT.  Put THAT in your bong and make it bubble and boil.  We got 2001's Sweetiecakes.  I do love the "poster" for the film, even though it throws out the window most of the regular rules of what constitutes a movie poster in the first place.  While we may never know what this film actually looks like... Scarecrow Video in Seattle, Washington sure doesn't seem to have it... I should probably take this brief moment to amend something I said earlier in an Auteur Watch segment.  For those of you keeping score, it was the Reggie Gaskins profile.  Clearly I spoke too soon, as I and other bloggers tend to do.  NOW when you're out with your film geek friends, and that inevitable conversation about best all-time screenwriter comes up... and, of course, all the good ones get snapped up right away.  You know the drill: Francis Ford Coppola, Billy Wilder and I. A. L. Diamond, Paddy Chayefsky... Kevin Williamson, Tyler Perry, and so on.  Well, you, as a film noobie, what are YOU supposed to say?  Well, being the omega member of this group, the proverbial Clyde of the Pac-Man ghosts, you're free to do as you please, while the other three are constantly on ol' Pac's tail.  Just right damn straight on it.  Or Ms. Pac, depending on which you prefer.  So, when all the A-listers get snapped up, and it's your rare turn to speak, you say G-squared... then you explain that it's your shorthand for Geretta Geretta, complete filmmaker extraordinaire.  You should probably open with that she's two or three steps removed from Asia Argento; film geeks live and breathe on those kind of tenuous connections.  Anyway, as for WHY she's the world's best screenwriter?  Because in her directorial debut Sweetiecakes, she plays a character named... now, mind you, this is Geretta Geretta we're talking about here... she plays a character named ... let me double check the spelling on this... Attereg-Attereg!  And yes, she did insist that cast and crew on that show refer to her as Attereg-Attereg all through that film's troubled production... but can't argue with results, right?  Only the truly great writers can come up with a character name by reversing their own name AND add the dash in between the two words... well, those film geeks weren't really your friends anyway.  Good riddance to bad rubbish.
...hmm!  I just noticed in the cast list of Sweeticakes that someone named Attereg Attereg plays a character named "Topless Girl in Club."  Well, that's just gluttony, frankly.  Geretta further played casting director Overrider in Chief by casting herself as "The Dancer" in her fourth directorial effort called Sweets and Teats.  Well, when you happen upon a directorial theme like sweets, it's hard to give it up.  Kinda like people who play Candy Crush all the time.  While we may never know what this film actually looks like... Scarecrow Video in Seattle, Washington sure doesn't seem to have it... either... I can't help but notice that the list of the film's full cast and crew is, um... kinda short.  Even shorter than Sweetiecakes even!
Alas, all great epic stories must come to an end sometime, and Geretta G.'s IMDb bio page runs out.  Too bad; I really would've liked to have heard the one about how, having conquered the world behind the movie camera, how and why she felt compelled to go back in front of it.  Can't play those dancer roles forever!  Gotta upgrade to dancing mom sometime!  But I think I understand being bitten by the acting bug.  I mean, it's damn near a once in a lifetime opportunity when a role like Satanica comes up.  Hey, she gets to collaborate with Italians again!  A toast to Geretta Geretta, people.

For more information, go to the following YouTube links:

Geretta Geretta explains why dubbing in Italian cinema
Joe Zaso's Cafe Himbo with Geretta Geretta
Geretta Geretta interview
Rugerro Deodato & Geretta Geretta Housecore 2013 Interview Pt. 2

...or just type Geretta Geretta in the U-Tube search engine yourself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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