King of the Word

First, the good news... acclaimed author and one-man publishing industry Stephen King scores his latest triumph at the box office with The Dark Knight... I mean, The Dark Tower.  I'm told it's based on a whole series of books, naturally.  Why would one expect Stephen King to not create a series of books?  It's the story of a gunslinger named Andy Dufresne... I mean, Roland Deschain.  And... well, I've probably already spoiled the plot enough as it is at this point.
So, that's the good news.  Stephen King's latest is #1, and all good things flow from that.  The BAD news is... I mean, look at these numbers!  LOOK UPON THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!  You've got Obama's crowd in 2012, or 2008 and... sorry, wrong numbers.  I mean, the weekend haul.  19.5 million?  Why, Dunkirk in second place hauled in 17.6!  That's a difference of... 1.9!  The bad news is that things are down.  Down, down and terribly down.  Why, look at the other debut this weekend.  Halle Berry's latest film called Kidnap.  It made only 10 million and change and... actually, you know, that's not that bad!  At least she's not having the indignity of releasing it directly to Netflix or something like that.  Not like Travolta's I Am Wrath, I believe it's called.  Whelp, as Saul from "Homeland" once told someone, you're in for the fight of your lives here!  Don't you see/get that?
..OOH!  Almost forgot.  Speaking of filmmakers, Fox News employee and part-time experimental filmmaker Eric Bolling is in a little bit of hot water right now because he sent pictures of his genitals... forgive me, I mean junk, to some of his co-workers.  I try to keep this a family blog, but you know... the news these days.  Now they say that some of those junk pictures that Eric Bolling sent to his Fox News co-workers were unsolicited, but I've heard there were a couple solicited ones!  I try to look on the bright side of things.  Sure, they were to Roger Ailes, but still... and by the way, it's not a gay thing.  It's more of a competition-type deal.  Also, Roger had a hard time looking at his junk, what with his stomach being in the way.  He got tired of using a system of mirrors to look at his own genitals.  And who wouldn't, frankly?