Here's a tribute to the real star of this week's Box Office, Charlie Q. Murphy, one of the co-screenwriters of this week's #1 hit, Norbit, and who plays Taxi Driver in Night at the Museum, the #1 cumulative total on this week's box office, hands down. Happy-ness came close to 200 million, but didn't make it. Probably could've used some of that Charlie Murphy magic!
Anyway, I'm back, baby! Got a new computer and everything, but it'll still take a long time to enter in all those hyperlinks. Still gotta roll pizza dough by hand. Also, I don't know if I like wireless keyboards and mouse, but oh well. I've lucked out so far by not having dueling remote controls with my flamboyant neighbors yet.
Oh but enough about me. Let's get into it. At #10 it's The Queen, which they're calling the Best Reviewed Movie of the year, whatever that means. All I know is the Oscar gap broke up Alec and Kim. I hate to see that happen to Helen Mirren and Taylor Hackford.
Dangerously close to 100 million, a first for Bill Condon, it's Dreamgirls at #9. It's sure to win something at this year's Academy Awards, probably one for Song. Nuff said.
And one that probably will win for everything BUT song, it's Pan's Labyrinth at #8. I saw it; not bad. A little more like Hellboy than I'm sure the critics would care to admit. What I want to know is, who's the genius that could've gone with Faun's Labyrinth, but changed the name to Pan's Labyrinth for us American rubes? And are they getting windfall profits from that piece of marketing genius? Preferably in the form of T-Shirt royalties? Just wondering.
Epic Movie at #6. Must be the re-fall of Taj. But I tell you what, at least that Harold and Kumar sequel got green-lit which is more than I can say for Dude, Where's my car 2.
And now, we're closer to the Godly light as we enter the more exclusive hall of the Top 5, rounded out by that unstoppable mammoth, Night at the Museum, which should be gone in time for that Reno 911 movie. No double dipping, guys! Don't be greedy.
Because I Said So is kicking ass and taking names at #3. Why? Because they said so. Boo-yah! And it's also a major victory for that nerdy villain from Brewster's Millions who almost ruined that movie...
Hannibal Rising at #2, but unfortunately it probably won't rise any higher than #2. I just hope there's no corny ending like in Red Dragon where they tie the two movies together..
And finally, proving he's still the king of the Box Office, it's Norbit, the movie that was shot into orbit by a vigorous ad campaign and easily dominated this week, raking in 20 million more than that bastard Hannibal. Who to chalk it up to a greater victory for: Sandler-esque cinema, or the new wave of FUBU cross-dressers, like Big Momma and Tyler Perry, who by the way, his Daddy's Little Girls is coming out soon, and is sure to make hay of Norbit, so watch that hotfoot, Norbit! Me myself, I always kinda liked when Tracy Morgan would do Star Jones on SNL or what's her name, Estelle Parsons? Reminded me of Terry Jones in drag somehow, as in he was one of the best I'd ever seen. Well, second to Dame Edna, but I digress. Congrats, Norbit!
...Della Reese! That's who I was thinking of. Sorry, forgot to take my gingko biloba today. See, if you forget to take it, your memory won't be bolstered, and you'll be totally buggered; kinduva Catch 31. Well, that's about all the damage I can do this week. Stay tuned for more updates, and remember, it's STILL just a flashlight!