Friday, August 10, 2007

My Big Fat Box Office Report

Damn! Coulda sworn the Simpsons'd do it again, but you do not mess with the Damon. There's a new way of looking at the world: he makes 27 dollars for every dollar spent on him, something like that. Meanwhile, Affleck's waiting for the next season of Project Greenlight... so he can try to be an ENTRANT! Ouch! Oh, snap...

But let's go back to the beginning. At #10 it's Bratz: the Motion picture. And I think like the Thunderbirds movie, it was a disappointment for all those people expecting a unique flavour of creepy animation. Me, I was disappointed because of the lack of Ben Kingsley. Oh well, he's still a sexy beast.

At #9 it's Hot Rod. Oh well, Samberg. Guess it's back to the day job. Guess people thought why go to the theater to see the film version of all those Playstation commercials with all those cool videotape effects! Or go on YouTube and see some real jackasses instead.

Transformers is almost at 300 million. Too bad, it almost made a profit. And No Reservations at #7 is almost the Under the Tuscan Sun of the season. But if I remember correctly UTTS opened at #1, didn't it?

Hairspray is at #6, and it's almost at 100 million. Does this mean Travolta keeps the jet?
Harry Potter 5 is at #5. Sorry, folks, I gotta speed through this. The AmBien's almost kicking in.

Chuck and Larry at #4. But what about Moe and Shemp?

And now to the Big 3. Underdog rounds out the top 3, and I think, with the new Alvin & the Chipmunks movie, Jason Lee has become the new Brendan Fraser, an honorary human Toon. How can Kevin Smith work with you now?

And at #2, it's my beloved Simpsons movie, even though it's dropped to #183 in the IMDb Top 250. I saw it once but I want to at least see it one more time, if only to smuggle in some digital devices to help cherish the experience. Don't worry, Rupert, nothing that can compete with the eventual DVD with commentary.

And finally it's Bourne 3, and it kicked ass! 70 million dollars worth. Which once again shows to go that I don't know where the eyes are. Was it the MTV ad campaign? No! It was the MasterCard online ad campaign! That did it. Finding out the secret government program that led to your becoming a superspy: priceless. Still, Damon's gotten to do TWO three-quels in one year. Somehow, that ain't fair. But watch out, because Rush Hour 3's poised to be #1 next week.

Okay, that's about all the damage I can do this week. Shame on me for procrastinating. Maybe we can get some reviews done here soon! Maybe not... :)

No comments: