Saturday, December 29, 2007

... & a Happy Frickin' New Year, Goombahs!

Ah, the last one of the year. To be filled later, I've got a life to lift!...

Welp, Nat'l. Trez. 2 is #1 again. Mystery to me still, but nevertheless, never underestimate the attraction of taking the President hostage. We can't threaten the President, of course, but hostage taking? Oh, that's okay! And besides! It's being done in the name of National Treasure! I'm sure he'll understand!

Meanwhile... oh, I'm just not happy 'bout this at all. And I'm sure K. Smith ain't either. Alvin & his Chipmunks bumps I Am Legend down to #3. Now who's going to do Clerks 3??

You can do it, Charlie Wilson! You blockhead! CWW at #4. Yeah, Aaron Sorkin's fallen on hard times as of late. Can't keep Studio 60 on longer than one season, The West Wing's finally totally gone, now this! Can't get higher than #4.

And of course, rounding out the Top 5 is America's precious Juno. All I know is, that kid from Superbad's been very, very busy! Well hung for a nerd, that's all I gotta say. Doesn't that make him an Undercover Nerd? (UN) He's not a REAL NERD! Oh well, gotta leave that one alone, it says here...
Meanwhile, someone's disastrous distribution decision led to AvP2 coming in at #6. It managed to find its way into the Top 10 last week as well, but it's like it didn't exist at all. But it'll be on Sin-a-max soon enough, won't it? Maybe they'll have some sort of Alien and Predator marathon. On Memorial Day! How appropriate would that be?

At #7, it's another Dark Horse of sorts: The Water Horse: Legend of the Deep. Best thing since Wild Hearts Can't be Broken. Or that thing from 1985 about loggers... Natty Gann, was it? I swear, that's Lucy Lawless' kid. Look how tall he is!!!!!

At #8 it's P.S. I Love You. Well, it's no Living Out Loud, but given the bleakness of the season, Romantic Comedy-wize it'll just have to do. I don't know why, but after films like Million Dollar Baby and Boys Don't Cry and Karate Kid 4, Hilary Swank just ain't your typical sex symbol. Maybe if Jessica Simpson were in the movie and they have a ... you know, kinduva "kissin' sisters" kinda scene. Even if only just on the DVD deleted scenes section. C'mon, Gravenese! You gotta do a stunt like that to get people talkin'!

Man! You'd think people'd be a little more eager to see the latest Depp / Burton project. Not so, in this case! They prob'ly should've released it about the same time as No Country for Old Men. Similar themes, in a way. People would just rather not see blood right now. Dang! It's like Xmas 1999 all over again, or something.

And finally, Enchanted crossed the 100 million barrier. Well, Disney's cryonically frozen head's happy about that... but not too happy. Why not 200 million? And why do all those Pixar things make all the money these days, incidentally? This world's too strange for me. My corporate underlings aren't preparing for my Resurrection at all! Good help's so hard to find these days...

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