Friday, December 07, 2007

Short Reviews - November 2007

Is it too late to qualify for November? All right, I'm going anyway...

Headline: Thieves steal 17 tons of Christmas ham, leave thank-you note. The simpsons couldn't have done a better job than that. Well,... (no funeral note on Moe's back was pretty good...)
------All right! On to the movies......-------------------------------------
The Evil that Men Do - Bronson does Day of the Jackal. But the movie poses an ancient Chinese riddle: Bronson brings a quiet dignity to the film, but who would want to sit through this whole movie after seeing the opening credit sequence? I thought I was watching news footage of Gitmo!
Over the Hedge - Nope. Animation's too cheap. Action sequences are too blurry. Interesting to hear Garry Shandling, though.
walk hard: the dewey cox story - so it's not an anchorman clone... is it?
Long Lost Son with Gabrielle Anwar - Good Lord, honey! Change your beautician! You got the turkey neck goin' on and you're exfoliating like crazy. Psoriasis? Or just been in the sun too long?

The Man - Oh f...... cryin' out loud.
Criminal Law - Not to be confused with that Alcatraz movie. (murder in the first) Were these made at the same time? I'm freakin' out, man!!!
Basic Instinct 2 - I get the feeling that this is the kind of thing Mae West would make if she were alive today. Now she'd be about 113 years old if she did, but hey! Sexy at any age, right?
Sextette - I love it! Mae West! Ringo Starr! Alice Cooper! Regis Philbin! And 007 Timothy Dalton. The more I learn about this guy, the more I think he's the one and only James Bond!
Off and Running - Cyndi Lauper as Bebe Neuwirth
Southland Tales - Well, if you liked Donnie Darko...
Cosi - Hey! The Darkman arch bad guy! With his original accent! Sweeeeeeeet.
Robocop - I just thought of something, and I want to append it to my previous review: A friend of mine pointed this out to me, that he was confused by the one line of dialogue where Boddicker calls the guy a "wop", when he was clearly a mick!
Mr. Warmth: The Don Rickles Project - First of all, isn't that a working title? Second, he's got, like, 50 people working for him? Don Rickles is good for the economy! C'mon, Don, try and reach the medicine! And then you gave him a cookie... Put Daddy Dearest out on DVD! Whaddaya fraid of?
How Stella Got Her Groove Back - Angela Bassett is a goddess amongst us mere mortals.
Juwanna Mann? No thanks!
The Big White - Fargo meets A Simple Plan. Meets The Trouble With Harry? Meets Peter's Friends? Meets Once Upon a Crime, Noises Off and Blame it on the Bellboy? And I think they show clips of all those movies playing on TV in this movie! Wicked kewl!
the big lebowski - jeff bridges as sammy hagar?
Be Kind Rewind - Not to be cruel, but "A man (Black) whose brain becomes magnetized unintentionally destroys every tape in his friend's video store. In order to satisfy the store's most loyal renter, an aging woman with signs of dementia, the two men set out to remake the lost films, which include Back to the Future, The Lion King, and Robocop". And I looked at that cast list and saw Mia Farrow's name, and figured oh! Guess who's playing the aging woman with signs of dementia?
"America's Psychic challenge" - To my shame, I admit I couldn't help but think of that Monty Python sketch, "Summarize Proust" which ends with the host saying "Well ladies and gendemen, I don't think any of our contestants this evening have succeeded in encapsuladng the intricacies of Proust's masterwork, so I'm going to award the first prize this evening to the girl with the biggest tits." Furthermore and finally, the light may have won the $100,000 prize, but the darkness just might solve that 7-year old murder case.
[(p.s. : a hasty addendum, as per promised to certain curious parties: I'm not easily moved to tears; maybe it's the stress, maybe it's that I, like most Americans, have been bombarded & inundated with so much melodramtic crap over the eyars... that genuine emotion is so rare to find. And when JTWS assured the three women who were friends of the murder victim, I was moved. The tears started to flow when Jackie asked "But why .. do I see ... a child?" The child was the murder victim's pet dog whom they loved as a child. Look at me! I'm crying again! I'm crying as I type this up...)]
Okay, time to move on. [call me! ;) ]

Peace out. ;)

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