Saturday, March 29, 2008

Somebody bitch-slap Dr. Suess, will ya?

And somebody bitch-slap this damn blogger software, while you're at it. They don't even ask me anymore if I'm sure I want to navigate away from this page and lose everything I've been typing. I don't know! Maybe I don't!
But I ramble on. This shouldn't be too hard to stitch back together. Just another B.O. analysis, only this time I'm starting at the bottom, all the better to savor the victors at the top my dear!

At #10 it's something called La Misma Luna (Depressed Moon?). I don't see an A-list name in the cast or crew, except for Ligiah Villalobos, who I can only assume is Reynaldo's kid. Look for this one at next year's Oscar under Best Foreign Film.

Vantage Point clings on at #9. I don't know, the trailer gave away too much for me. President Spider Woman sees his own awesome assassination, something like that. Evil twin? Clone? Evil clone? Flashback? Evil flashback? Who cares, am I right?

Locking and loading at #8 is The Bank Job. But did it make enough to justify Saffron Burrows' Triumphant Return to the screen? Only time will tell. And her next pic, of course.

At #7 it's CRT: the Rodent's College Road Trip, and that damn YouTube-inspired flipping pig. I think they call it Flippy! Or Bacon, right at the end during the big barbecue scene, heh heh...

At #6 it's Never Back Down, with Djimon Hounsou as the wizened old coach who's going to take that crazy kid to the top of whatever sport this film is supposed to be about? Box-kicking? Dance-boxing? Capoeiria-ikido? Meanwhile, Cuba Gooding Jr., not to be outdone, is working on Snow Dogs 2, and I just hope and pray Michael Vick doesn't make a guest appearance in this direct-to-video release...
And now the top 5! And bringing up the rear is 10,000 BC with the second highest cume this week... 76 million clams? That's all? Man! We're not in a Recession, this is a damn Depression!

And speaking of depression, it's Drillbit Taylor at #4. Oh dear, has the market finally bottomed out on quirky characters with funny names and noses? Sorry, Rogen & Co, you should of gone with the R-rated version, like with Superbad and the 40 Year Old Virgin. That would've put it at #1. Meantime, more movie bullies, please! I can't get enough! Hey nerd, I'm talking to you! That kind of thing. Yeah, that never gets old.

Meanwhile, with a slim 100,000 dollar margin, Shutter reigns supreme at #3. Yes, it's another one of those Japanese haute-couture horror imports, with a Naomi Watts-esque blonde getting scared at every turn by only the coolest of special CGI F/X of spooky ghosts with bad teeth. Yawn and double yawn.

At #2 it's Tyler Perry's latest play-turned-hit movie, Meet the Browns. Only three more to go, right? Let's see, there's Madea's CLASS Reunion, Madea goes to Jail, and I Can Do Bad All By Myself. But if it's all just Madea, why not wait, Tyler, until you actually are 68 years old and 320 pounds? Why not? Just to keep it interesting. Why do I get the feeling that Frankie Faison and Angela Bassett feel like they were shanghai'd into this?

And finally another triumph for Dr. Seuss, the only guy in Hollywood making more money than, well, Tyler Perry, for one! And the SOB's dead, for God's sake! I must say I didn't think the make-up could get any stranger than the Grinch flick, but it does here in Horton Hears a Who. I tried to find a suitable Seuss-related image for this week's image, but my local video store doesn't have the Hooberbloob Hwy. on video, so instead I'm going to use this Hollywood vanity logo which belongs to this shmuck who produces that Charlie Sheen show, 2 1/2 men. All for you out there who wanted to be able to read the whole thing, but for some reason still don't have any kind of pausing capability. Worth it just for that, I must say!

No comments: