Thursday, September 04, 2008

Auteur Watch - Fred Durst Wolf

This is getting ridiculous! Are all of Ben Stiller's dreams finally coming true? Well, they are, unless it's that every year of his life will be like 2004. Now that might be too much for three celebrities to handle. In any event, even though Ben's been on top for three weeks in a row, I'm keeping my promise to my faithful reader and make this one about Fred Wolf, the hot director of The House Bunny. Your stock is rising, Freddy! Now you'll get the good couch at Happy Madison productions!
But we'll get back to him later. Again I dis Stiller because I just happen to have this image of Riddick, who comes in this week at #2 with Babylon A.D., whatever that is. I guess it's time to do Auteur Watch: Vin Diesel... I mean, Auteur Watch: Mathieu Kassovitz. You know him - he's that dude that gets Amelie all hot and bothered. No, not the special guy who takes his time doling out potatoes. I mean, he's great and all, but he's the nice guy that finishes last. Nope, only the best for Amelie. And by the way, when's the sequel to that coming out?
At #3 it's Batman Begins 2: The Dark Knight. Never hurts to say it longform. Some wonder if it's going to beat Titanic, which is #1 at 600 million (1998 dollars). Somehow, I don't think the Dark Knight appeals to the chicks as much. I mean, sure, who wouldn't want to be rescued by Batman if you're thrown out of a window, but this is not a long-term relationship. Look what happened to the couple in Speed! Have we learned nothing, people?
And rounding out the top 5 is Traitor. Wild and crazy screenwriter, indeed! Blatant oscar bait.
At 6 to 10, well, I'm afraid I may have to cop out yet again, except to point out that, try as they might, spending double the budget on TV ads, College slips to #11. Wait! In a rare reversal, because Lucas made the phone call, Clone Wars beats Woody Allen's latest, dropping Woody to #11, and College to 12 and beyond. Oh, I've never seen anything like it... Wait, that's right. I have. Strange Wilderness and Clerks II. Both spent like crazy on TV spots, but didn't even crack the Top 10. Not viral enough.
Speaking of which! Let's now bounce back to #4, The House Bunny. Now, James Bernardinelli didn't seem to know who Fred Wolf is, but I'll be more than happy to fill in those blanks. And trust me, Mr. Wolf has credentials to spare, and then some! Believe me. Welp, it all started with an obscure comedy troupe called SNL for short, I forget what that stands for. Mr. Wolf was employed as a writer, but he did venture out into the wild wilderness of Weekend Update one night to do a special commentary. You may be able to find it on YouTube., I said Fred Wolf, not Amy Poehler! Maybe you'll have better luck than I. Anyway, so Fred does his thing on Update, and this is probably an apocryphal story, but it's still the stuff of showbiz legend. As Fred's walking off the stage, Lorne Michaels himself pulls Fred aside and says "Don't ever... don't ever do that again, Fred." But Lorne must not have been totally disappointed with Fred the screenwriter, as he helmed the political satire Black Sheep with Chris Farley and David Spade. Other scripts soon followed: Dirty Work, Joe Dirt, and other titles without the word Dirt in them, oddly enough. And so, it was toil and trouble in the sulphur mines of Happy Madison Enterprises long enough, until ol' Fred, like Rob Schneider, said to himself, "Hey! I can direct one of these crappy things my own damn self!" But Fred lucked out and landed himself two directing jobs simultaneously... That must be the case. I mean, how often does one director get two films the same year? Okay, besides Soderbergh in 2000. Well, we'll just have to wait til next February to see if Fred gets an Oscar nomination. I'm guessing The House Bunny for Best Makeup.

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