Monday, September 01, 2008

Short Reviews - Aug. '08

Well, it has been announced that, what was once the Siskel & Ebert show is no more. Robert Ebert of the Chicago Sun-Times has officially left. Like most people say, I agree that, in his reviews, he kinda gets to the heart of the movie. Except when I disagree with him (O Brother ring a bell?). But they still have the show on something called ReelzChannel with these two other guys, and I finally had the following epiphany: I wonder if they ever get any complaints like "Dear Mr. Film Critic, I took your advice and instead of taking my kids to see the Hannah Montana movie, we drove the 80 miles to the big city where they were showing the film you recommended with the Oscar-winning performance of a lifetime about the Iraq war vet who comes back and becomes a drug mule for a group of albino Danish expatriates who are planning to blow up the Golden Gate bridge, and I gotta say that I should of just gone to the Hannah Montana movie instead. My kids still won't stop crying. And we got a parking ticket. Thanks a lot for nothing." Time for Short Reviews.

Burn After Reading - Only 11 more days to go.......

Ghost Town - Oh, David Koepp... Did you need the money?

Insanitarium - Oh, Peter Stormare... Did you need the money?

Disaster Movie - I wonder if Carmen Electra ever gets tired of doing these sorts of things.

Still Waiting... - I'm sorry, but to me it's just not authentic without Van Wilder. Call me crazy, call me a purist.

I shouldn't be alive HD - Steve Ball, etc. - That's gotta be the most disturbing thing I've ever seen. And I've seen Batman & Robin!

X-Files episode #Milagro - Geez, why didn't they just call it "The Turning"? John Hawkes was good as the heart-stealing creepy novelist; guess Vince Gallo was unavailable.

Sixty Six - Finally! Paul Weiland, director of such classics as Leonard Part 6 and City Slickers 2 directs the film he was meant to make: his autobiography! ...Right? Ah, who cares if I'm right or not.

The Incredible (Edible) Hulk - Thank God his pants stayed on!

Babylon A.D. - Vin Diesel's back! Oh, it's 2001 all over again, and Vin is a man on the go with a fast car and a bad attitude.

Death Race - 2000? Guantanamo? Can't be any worse than that Rollerball remake with Keanu. Right?

Dead Like Me (2009) - Welcome back, Peanut!

White Palace - I didn't know James Spader was Jewish!

VeggieTales - If this is the best Jesus has to offer us, I am not impressed.

College - Wow. Another Animal House clone. Or is that a Van Wilder clone? I know, I know ... it's original because it's about high schoolers who just get a sneak peek at college by being prospective freshmen. That, and there seems to be not one known movie star in it. I forget - does that make it better or worse than Van Wilder? Probably better, right?

College (1927) - A Classic.

2001 Maniacs Part 2: 2008 Maniacs - Oh, why do they make me wait?!!!

Beyond a Reasonable Doubt - Ooooh! Who's gonna play Spota? (David Jensen!!! I KNEW IT!!)

The Art of War II: The IRS Files - Just kidding, Wesley. You know I love you.

A Jazz Man's Blues - For all you nay-sayers out there, this will be the film that proves to you that Tyler Perry's a writer.

Ghost Town - I don't know what it is, but why do I not like Ricky Gervais? What's wrong with me?

The Bridge - Shame on me. Heard about this from 20/20. Give me a break!!! I mean, seriously, it's good, but it would've been better in HD.

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