Sunday, July 26, 2009

Auteur Watch - Chris Noonan

Lucky bastid. Well, at least this shouldn't take long. No, this is not the What Happened Was... guy. This is that super guy who directed Babe, the gallant pig movie! Remember Babe? That improvised part where Babe sings? The "I want my mom" line? (sniffles, wipes away tear) Like Homer said when he watched Barney Gumble's movie, the Award winning but unfortunately titled 'Puke-a-hontas,' "Wow. I'll never have another beer again." "Beer here!" "I'll take twelve." ...Damn! I knew I'd get that wrong. Ten, not twelve.
So! Let's use the old reliable Decade Theory here. What's Chris Noonan's favourite decade of his career? Is it the go-go 70s? Disco balls, multi-colored afro wigs and platform shoes everywhere? Some of the best and worst music ever produced in a recording studio came out of that decade. Chris was a relatively young guy, doing the occasional odd job, not really caring if his career went anywhere. But then the 80s rolled on in, and it's all yuppie this and Me Decade that. The greatest period of his life. Look at all those credits! The Cowra Breakout, Stepping Out, and a miniseries about Vietnam. Why, he was working hard and losing hair the full decade.
But of course, his favorite decade of all must be the nineties. Babe became an international sensation, and best of all, it really ground that Gordy into the rug like so many cigarette butts. But that's about it for the whole nineties! WTF? Who does this guy think he is? Terrence Malick? Stanley Kubrick? Guercio?

But just when he thought he was out of that awful Hollywood machine that leaves many an artist wiping the grease off of themselves for years and years... THEY PULL HIM BACK IN. And crank out another film he does: Miss Potter. Nice try, wise guy. What's that? Harry Potter? I'm so there. But then, the rug gets pulled out from under us and we've gotta be held hostage by Zellweger again for 92 minutes. Why, I bet she didn't even use a British accent! (whew... got that right. Those five years of Comp. Lit. class keep paying off in spades!) Shame on the casting agents. Beatrix Potter... judging from her portrait on Wikipedia she should be portrayed by more of a Courteney Cox, or maybe Clea DuVall. Or the female equivalent of a brunette Ryan Gosling. YKWIM?

But all is not lost, and Noonan's back on the treadmill. He's urping out another film in 2009 called The Third Witch... Nice try, wise guy. Cashing in on the whole wizard and witch trend started by Harry Potter, eh? ...oops! It's actually not a Harry Potter-esque thingie, but rather a retelling of MacBeth... close enough for me. Gotta go.

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