Saturday, June 05, 2010


Welp, I really should be getting onto my homework... how sad is that? But it's college level stuff, so this is not some high school punk kid talking here, waiting to see Justin Bieber in Jonah Hex... man, is he buffed out! Must be steroids. ...I mean, Megan Fox. Of course. What an actress... AND a fox!
Anyway, back to the movie at hand, because I was thinking maybe a movie review will help me get the leg up I need on this whole homework racket. Ransom! is a movie, that I saw, so why not start with that. It's a movie starring Glenn Ford and Donna Reed. If it were cast today, it'd be William H. Macy and Megan Fox... I mean, Sandra Bullock. Well, she's getting older and moving into MILF territory... I mean, more matronly roles. Can't lie about that.
And, I dunno. I guess I wasn't too impressed... or was I? I guess the acting was pretty good. Glenn probably shoulda got an Oscar or something, or at least a nomination. Really sharp critics will note that Glenn seems to be the first on-screen self-conscious dad, more concerned about getting in every jokey comment he can at his son's expense before he goes missing. Donna Reed's not given much to do, but we're rooting for her anyway. Probably could've gone without the butler and the maid for our collective contemporary's sake, but it was a different era, indeed, and being a CEO back then was quite different, I guess. Or, I guess the correct answer is: it was wrong then, and it is wrong now, but to cover it up is to deny this important, but unfortunate chapter in our history.
Now, I guess I'd be remiss, derelict in my movie reviewing duties if you will, if I didn't mention that this WAS remade, but not with William H. Macy and some hot chick. No, it was redone in 1996 with pre-crazy Mel Gibson and Rene Russo... hot in her own right, arguably. Not Jayne Mansfield hot, but I guess that doesn't play these days. So, given the casting, and the modern attitude, think of this as Lethal Weapon 3.5: The Kidnapping-ing. (Kidnappening?) And it is kind of interesting comparing the differences of the two. But both do have that kick-ass scene where the dude goes on TV live with a big pile of money in front of him, to say, well, kidnappers, here it is on your TV screen. Come and claim it! I'd have to re-watch how Mel does it, but I'm guessing it's not as good. Of course, it was a lot more money in Glenn Ford's day and they padded out the script out to movie length, since it was originally done as a TV show.
But the biggest difference between the two... at least, for me, is how they deal with the kidnappers. I never get to the plot! Glenn Ford / Mel Gibson is a rich bastard who's bastard of a son gets kidnapped, and Oscar-worthy acting ensues as a reslut... result. But the 1956 version NEVER shows the kidnappers! That's just how horrible the crime was back then. I mean, for God's sake, this isn't Communist Russia we're talking about here! This is America! We don't bug our hotel rooms like THEY... used to. Sorry, I digressed again, but to reiterate, in the 1956 version the kidnappers are never shown. We don't even hear a voice over the telephone!!!! In the 1996 reboot, on the other hand, we see NOTHING BUT the kidnappers. We see their backstory, we see them planning, we see them cobbling together makeshift daycare facilities, we get the big Morluk/Eloi speech, etc. We see urine running down the kid's leg when he realizes the kidnapper's come back... well, I'll try not to give too much away, but it's a nail-biter, and Mel even gets the opportunity to do his signature Lethal Weapon running down the street. Those days are long gone now, but he stays as fit as he cares to, no question about it. Oh, and the remake features a kick-ass Kite-Cam that falls to earth. Bet that cost a penny and a half, eh, Piotr? ...damn. He's dead. And yet, has a 2010 credit! How's that for staying busy?
So, in conclusion, both kinda suck, but in different, unique ways. And of course, if you go on the IMDb and look at user comments, you'll no doubt find a positive review of anything. Even Fat Slags, I'd hazard a guess! But I'm in favour of any movie that takes me out of my usual dramatic rut, like I'm Not Rappaport and Ransom!(1956). Okay, back to the homework.

-so sayeth The Movie Hooligan

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