Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Auteur Watch - Mary Lambert
Ah, Mary had a little Lambert. You know, I think the IMDb is dissing her a little bit. They're new and revamped, but her homepage is the same old same ol'? A child of the Greatest Generation, Lambert cut her teeth in the exciting cable outlet known to us as the MTV. Madonna's Like A Virgin? She directed that? I thought we could pin that crime of objectifying women on a dude! Then again, it is Madonna we're talking about here. So all those years of setting up the camera, dealing with fancy lighting and fancier rock stars... Godley & Creme didn't get a movie out of it, but Lambert did! One of Stephen King's lesser works, Pet Sematary. Okay, first of all, he should know better. It's spelled... hmm! How do you spell cemetery? Well, seeing as how he's the king of horror and 1940's era prisons, we'll let him get away with that one. Unfortunately for Lambert, she was available to do the sequel. But she did do some other original productions during the 90s. I don't think I need to tell you that the 80s are clearly her favorite decade, and she was right there in the crucible of it all! MTV, baby! She was young, in her prime, wearing a big purple mohawk, going to work every day and loving it. Novels will surely be written about this period in history, and not just by Bret Easton Ellis. The 90s saw Lambert moving into her emeritus years, right after Pet Sematary II. You know the kind of things that happen then: the reading glasses appear, speaking to eager college students about film, going to premieres and not getting photographed. The 2000s saw her briefly re-emerge with The In Crowd; in the final analysis, I think she needed a movie star or two to round out the cast... with all due respect to Tess Harper. And ol' Miss Lambert spent the Dubya years like all film directors did: in a drunken stupor. But she tried to sneak in as much liberal bias into Urban Legends 3 as she could. But if speaking to an actual film director has taught me anything, it's that the current decade is always the director's favourite. And Mary Lambert's still going strong at 59! She's got two upcoming projects: a movie about late 19th century / early 20th century vampires, and an Ivory-Merchant-esque piece called ... Mega Python vs. Gatoroid??? Oh, why do you make my job so hard!!??????!! As long as either of the creatures don't drink Gatorade, I think we'll be okay. Hey! Does the winner go on to face Mega-Shark in the semifinals?