And we're still knee deep in the 80's Rebirth hoopla, my peeps. Everything old is new again, but Oliver Stone's a hella lot older now and clearly not as prolific as he was in the 80s and 90s, rewriting American history and all. That's right: first Mary Lambert, now this! When will the pain I inflict on others end? And so, Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps manages to avoid a pesky direct-to-DVD release, unlike OTHERS I could mention but probably shouldn't. Movie making is becoming more and more a family-based business, n'est-ce pas? This one, oh puh-leeze. And I fear that all this will go to Shia's head even harder. We're talking hotel room trashing time, or graduating from drunk driving to cocaine and ecstasy. The sky's the limit now! And just in time for Transformers 3, no less.
At #2, if all that wasn't enough, it's a little something for the kids, probably in 3D. It's a mouthful, so I'll just refer to it as Awesome Owls. And I've beaten it into the ground, but I just can't get over the fact that director Zack Snyder, only the most awesome director this side of Michael Bay, decided to go Hollywood and compromise his artistic integrity. I mean, he was on his way to awesomeness before the turbo-manly historical epic 300, but 300 is clearly when he found his voice and came into his own. And Watchmen clearly sealed the deal. So why this detour now to Wussy Lane? Surely, there's an NC-17 version of this owl pic awaiting us 3 months from now on Blu-Ray featuring the owls tearing into a nice juicy mouse in an anatomically correct CGI gore-fest? You OWE us, Snyder! Thankfully, more awesomeness awaits us out there on the horizon: something called Suckerpunch, (thanks a lot, Kill Bill!) and a renamed 301.
The last debut this week is yet another 80s flashback of sorts. 80s icons in their own right Jamie Lee Curtis and Sigourney Weaver team up for something called You Again. Though they could just as easily have called it Why Bother? Or perhaps as the IMDb must've titled it at some point, Untitled Betty White Cinematic Comeback Delivery Device. You know, it's not too late to build the Lake Placid trilogy! Yes, the Steel Magnolias template never fails to remake itself and ... oh! My oatmeal's done!