Sunday, May 15, 2011

Auteur Watch - Thomas and Charles Guard

Or is it Charles and Thomas? I always get that wrong. And see? This is how indebted Hollywood is to the Coens: America's next top Coens are now starting to LOOK like them! Guys, you're allowed to have different haircuts! Chill out! Relax! Stay a while. After The Uninvited, you've got green lights forever. Of course, it might've helped if you also worked on the screenplay, but never mind.
But as you can imagine, it was a bumpy road to Hollywood Easy Street. Both brothers tried their own separate paths to the top. Thomas worked as a camera trainee on 1492: Conquest of Paradise, while Charles languished in the camera trainee department on the classic Judge Dredd. So many careers destroyed by those two films alone, but those Guard boys managed to work again. Thomas graduated to no less than THIRD Assistant Director! I've heard of 2nd 2nd Assistant directors; what the hell does a Third Assistant Director do? If it were a Zucker brothers film with wacky credits, his credit would be "Dog that Gets Kicked." Something more hilarious than that, anyway. To make matters worse, it was on a little indie flick called The Avengers... I thought these guys wanted to work in showbiz! Chechik swore he'd never do theatrical again, and so far he's kept to that. Not as much pressure in TV.
And so, those Guard boys decided they'd take some time off to find themselves as well, and finally in 2005, they emerged on the scene with what I can only describe as the best episode of the British The Office no one's ever seen: Round About Five. They can say they worked with the new Bilbo Baggins, at the very least. Sorry, guys, but even Geoff's not getting on that Hobbit set this time!
And so, we end with the Guard's big triumph: The Uninvited. What a cast. Ed Murrow. Laura Bush. And of course, little miss Sucker Punch herself. I tend to think of The Uninvited as sort of a Sucker Punch prequel myself, but never mind all that. What's next for The Guard Brothers? A story about the Chosen One in a digital age?... no, wait, that's been done. How about a comedy about a couple guys trying to make a movie? It's been a while since that's been done. Who could they get to play Ridley Scott? I suggest going with Don Henley.

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