Bring this Jane Foster to me!

Why, it seems like forever ago that Kenneth Branagh was in a small independent movie with a bunch of talented unknowns called Wild Wild West. Oh sure, they didn't have all the latest fancy green-screen technology, or a single Oscar nomination between the cast and crew, and they had to cater their own meals... I mean, look at that cover! They couldn't even get the lighting right! Looks like the girl and the two guys aren't even in the same room together! But if you want to stay successful in showbiz, everything's a learning experience. But Branagh hardly had any learning to do. He was an early bloomer, a usurper to the throne of the great Laurence Olivier. Let's just think of this phase of his career as UN-learning, much like Olivier did in his later years. Marathon Man? A Jazz Singer remake with Neil Diamond? Truly a chance to apply the acronym WTF.
But this time I had the inside track on how Thor was going to do this weekend. On Facebook, all my Farmville ladyfriends were positively gushing over that latest slab of hunk... what's his name. Sam Worthington? Who cares, really? I have a feeling he'll eventually play the lead in the Chris Nolan biopic. I don't want to kiss and tell too much, but basically it was said that they were thinking of seeing Thor again. Boyfriends beware!
Meanwhile, Fast Five's still delivering a strong performance at #2... whew! Did that without a cheesy gas pedal reference. The latest Tyler Perry clone with Angela Bassett debuts at #3. Take that, John Sayles! Debuting at #4 is the latest Kate Hudson romantic comedy without Matthew McConaughey. Take that, Toke Boy! Where you leaning now? Meanwhile, John Krasinski and Brett Erlich got into a fake fist fight in a desperate attempt to promote the movie. No offense, guys, but ultimately the box office performance of the movie will still be "goin' down." And congrats on ousting that damn Conor Knighton, Brett! But watch out for usurpers to your throne: someone else will become the resident InfoMania movie expert now, and eventually will want something more. You can't do BOTH jobs full time... can you? Anyway, I'm already past the point where I brought everything full circle, so I better go.