Sunday, May 01, 2011

Pimp my Quintet

Well, there's just no denying it any longer. Director Justin Lin is the new Spielberg. Or close enough to it. Or maybe we should look at it from a potentially racially-charged ethnocentric perspective. Antoine Fuqua was once shaping up to be the black Spielberg, Christopher Nolan's the British Spielberg, and now Justin Lin is the Taiwanese Spielberg. I mean, just like Fast 4, Fast 5 kicks some serious ass at the box office this weekend! I had a feeling it might; then again, I'm no! That dude knows his sh...stuff. Peter Jackson, take note: you're in a similar situation right now yourself. You're basically rebooting the Lord of the Rings trilogy into a leaner, meaner duet, with all the same people 10 years later. This is how you git 'er done.
Coming in a very distant second is the Pixar wannabe, Rio. Somebody's already made the comparison, but Pixar is definitely Broadway, and PDI Dreamworks, and to a lesser extent, the Ice Age bastards. So if Pixar is Broadway, the way WAY off-Broadway entry this week is Hoodwinked Too debuting at #6. Brave title choice, following in the footsteps of Teen Wolf Too and The Jerk, Too. And Splash, Too. It's all Two Much, man.
At #5, it's Prom. Of course! The mistake that High School Musical made. Why water it down by making it about high school in general, and just focus on the prom? Makes me wonder. I thought MY high school prom was bad... what must it be like in Beverly Hills? So many beautiful people competing for so few prom king and queen slots... I smell an Adam Sandler comedy! The omega teen girl of Beverly Hills moves to Podunk, Kansas to be their prom queen. But after a bloody, brutal campaign against the local hick chick, she finally learns the meaning of life, moves back to Beverly Hills and drowns her competition in the pool... I mean, respectfully hits her with a pitchfork... nah, not comedy enough. Hooks her up to an automatic milking machine? Yeah, that's more like Sandler. To the Underwood!

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