Thursday, January 31, 2013
Short Reviews - January 2013
Well, I know when I've been outmatched by the real experts: Yahoo! Movies. According to them, January contains the "lamest movie weekend of the year." However, they seem to be beating up on 'Django Unchained' and 'Jack Reacher' more than focusing on the new fare.
Texas Chainsaw 3D - It'll be gone after two weeks
I'm So Excited - Two much!
Unfinished Song -
Hear my Song -
Fill the Void - Woo-ooo!
The Incredible Burt Wonderstone - If he's so incredible, how come I've never heard of...... ICONQUAKE!!!!
The Place Beyond the Pines - Will there be salmon fishing?
Life Tracker - Not Jack Reacher?
Turbo - Hope it lives up to the word
The Gatekeepers - There's more Barbarians at the gate!
Identity Thief - That fat chick's on a hot streak!
Tyler Perry's Temptation - Not waiting until February for this one? Dayamn.
Pain & Gain - Hope it lives up to the phrase
The Great Gatsby - I have it on the highest authority: a prodigy teenage girl. She's skeptical about DiCaprio being right for the part. I think he can pull it off, though.
The Smurfs 2 - Damn. We gotta wait until July. I guess this means the third installment won't be good enough for Raja Gosnell. What Hanna Barbera mini-franchise is next for him? Fang-Face? Inch High Private Eye? That one with the talking dune buggy?
No - No is no, no is always no, when they say no they mean a thousand times no
Blancanieves - Let me guess... another Luc Besson / Robert Mark Kamen juggernaut to be?
Vampire Dog - Well, 1987's The Hidden had the alien dog, so why not?
Zero Dark Thirty - Naomi Watts doesn't like it, and nobody pisses off Naomi Watts... nobody. Right, naomiwattsfan4308475669786508347543545SkinnyJeans?
Collateral Damage - Let me guess this straight........... Schwarzenegger outruns the fireball, but the motorcycle doesn't?
Bullet to the Head - Really, doesn't this describe what you want to do after seeing ANY Stallone pic?
Iron Man 3 - Whatever. Apparently this is the most anticipated movie of 2013. No love for Inside Llewyn Davis?
Man of Steel
Star Trek Into Darkness - Too cute
The House that Drips Blood on Alex - I don't need to tell you how great this is. You got your houses, naturally. Then you got your houses that drip blood; a subset, obviously. But a house that drips blood ON Alex? Is it online? I gotta see that! Gotta see that right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Splitting Heirs - With Barbara Hershey as Melanie Griffith
The I Inside - Ooh! Gotta add that to my 'Great Titles' list
Parker - Really? Taylor Hackford?
Movie 43 - I hate to admit it, but after seeing the director(s), my interest has been piqued! As long as Craig Mazin's not involved.................
The Croods - Ugg!